Was he a perv?

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Well, I have to agree with the "poor men". It seems like they can't do anything right where little kids are concerned. Like with so many other things, it's a very thin line they have to walk.

At the same time, however, I do think there are far more closet pedophiles than we know about. There is so much emphasis on "teen this" and "teen that". I also have two daughters who are now grown but I noticed the way men looked at them from the time they were around 10 or so, and they were targets of internet predators more than once. So I tend to be a bit over-conservative on this issue.

And back to the original question ... I could be wrong but this guy sounds creepy to me, too.

I'm not saying that it doesn't happen, and I take reasonable precautions with my own children, but the whole thing is really overblown.

I hate to say it, but any man who works with children is being completely reckless in today's environment - only women should be teachers/daycare workers/etc

I personally avoid children other than my own like the plague...

No, I don't think it is. Quite the opposite. I think it happens far more than we know. I base my opinion on my own experiences and those of my daughters, as well as other women with whom I've discussed this. I believe it's a rare woman who hasn't experienced some form of sexual misconduct in her life, ranging from mild and inconsequential to extremely trauma-producing.




Perhaps. But I actually liked the idea you mentioned earlier of classes on how to avoid being falsely accused. Unfortunately, in any gathering of human beings, false accusations will happen, whether it's of child abuse or rape or whatever. That is not a reason to tone back our diligence, however. It simply means we need a sharper, more discerning eye when it comes to these matters.




That's a shame.

Which is why I have become an open paedophobe. I don't want children of my own, and I don't really want to be around most children. In fact, usually it's not the kids themselves that are the problem, it's the parents.

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Last edited by susiewho on 06 Jul 2011, 3:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

LOL ... susie, you've got your quote thingies off a little bit. It makes it look like I said that, and I didn't.

I fixed it, sorry!

'Paedophile' means love of children. 'Paed' is child and 'phile' means love, attachment, etc.

You're talking about child molesters, which aren't the same thing. And it's perfectly possible (believe it or not!) to love children but not want to sexually assault them.

Paedophobia, on the other hand, means dislike, hatred or fear of children.

I was trying to make a joke.

It fell flatter than a pancake dropped from a very great height.

(to be serious here) - I knew the point you were making, but I was just trying to get that across is all.

Ok. Well the OP's original post is a little odd to my mind, especially considering their other recent posts.

But leaving that aside, the man does sound like he just likes kids. Men used to be able to just like kids. In the same way women like kids. Because kids are sweet and funny and say interesting things.

However, I personally would never put my children (if I had any) into any form of daycare, or leave them with a babysitter who was not either my mother, or another person (male or female) who I trusted implicitly. There aren't any of those people in my life at the moment.

This is because I was sexually abused by a male babysitter as a child, my sister was sexually abused by a couple of male foster parents when she was a child, and my mother was seriously sexually abused by her adoptive father after her adoptive mother died. I can't ignore those facts, and I can't ignore the increasing number of cases in the media where children have been abused by those who are supposed to be their carers. It would be too difficult for me to get past my own personal experiences.

But it is a very sad situation, as I realise that the vast majority of people, both male and female, have only genuinely decent intentions towards children. And I think children are suffering because of the huge concerns about paedophiles, in that they are over protected and miss out on meeting the range of people they would have done if they had grown up in the 60s or 70s.

Ironically, I spend huge amounts of time alone as a child (6 onwards), wandering the streets, and the university where my father worked. Unknown to my parents I befriended a range of adult men, and spent a lot of time alone with them, going into lecturer's offices and laboratories, caretakers offices, into student pubs (where I learned to play darts, table tennis and pool), and hanging around with gardeners. None of these men ever touched me or did anything inappropriate, whereas the man my parents trusted, who was a friend of theirs, turned out to be a paedophile. Oddness.

I love kids and hope to play with my boy and see him in costumes and have him go trick o treating. I hope that doesn't make me a creep.

Also I have a autistic friend who is a perpetual four year old and this thread would upset him if he saw it because he has been called a pedophile in the chat room and at school. He hangs around with kids and he says the more people are judgmental about it, the more he wants to be with kids because they don't judge him.

I know it's not appropriate to hang around children because of judgments people give you so that's why I don't do it. It was fine when I was a kid and a teen but not anymore. That's why I have a kid lol. I was hoping for a girl because I think their clothes are cute and I wanted to use my baby clothes on her and buy cute stuff and I like the toys for them. I wanted to buy that stuff for her too and play with dolls. But now I have to buy matchbox cars and action figures lol. But who says boys have to play with that stuff? But I would have to worry about my son being teased then if other kids found out he liked to wear Disney Princess and played with dolls and other girl stuff and watched shows that were intended for girls.

But a couple things he said did sound creepy like the bathroom part and the bed part.

And anything you post online, people can take and put on their computer. One of my ex's would take photos from members here and save them to his computer so he'd look at it. It was one of his guilty pleasures because he was scared people would think he was a pedo just because one of them was under 18. He wouldn't want to make out with her or anything because of her being under age. He did the same with me too. Saved a photo of me to his computer before he even met me except I was 21 at the time but I was 18 in the photo. I don't understand the logic people have, they post photos of them online, even in their profiles but don't like it when people save them to their phones or computers without their permission. If you don't want anyone doing that, don't put photos of yourself online.

First of all, I am really sorry to hear that you were abused, in my view there is no form of punishment severe enough for people like that if they are truly guilty.

But your story about your adult friends from your childhood is actually not unusual at all. I learned at the classes that the vast majority of crimes of this type are perpetrated by "trusted" friends - the stereotypical scenario about the stranger in a tenchcoat handing out candy in park is actually (and thankfully) rather rare - but this stereotype actually makes children less safe because it causes parents to drop their guard against the most likely perpetrators.

I don't think things will ever be like they used to be, kind of sad actually...

This is why you teach your children to be aware of everyone. Not afraid of everyone. But aware of them. And you are very careful about allowing your children to be alone with adults.

this reminds me of that episode of south park where the adults are worried that the priest is sexually abusing their kids for the sole reason that he was a catholic priest

He sounds at best, weird and annoying and creepy, and at worst, a practising pervert.