Is this concept really such a difficult thing to obtain?
I was dating someone early this year, who was primarily interested in a sexual relationship and nothing else. That and she wanted to see me all the time, even on days where it was snowing outside or after I had a long day at work.
I only want to be with one girl at a time, and I only want her to be with me. So it's not that I'm non-committal. I just don't want a relationship based where we have sex and that's all we get out of each other. I also only want to see her a few times a week, instead of spending as much time as possible together. Especially with the likelihood I won't be dating someone who lives near my work or home.
Understood. I was not calling you a woman-hating scumbag. I take issue with misogynistic language is all. If all the people who used words like "b***h" etc hated women and were scumbags at least 50% of women would hate themselves and I'd say at least 67% of people would be scumbags. No one's a scumbag.
It's the usage that makes me angry, not the people who use the words. Sorry for derailing your thread but I just can't see past words like that.
Anyway sounds like what you want is attainable. There are girls out there who want the same as you I'm certain.
Me for one.
I have recently started semi seeing someone who I see once or twice a week. I have a life so does he. I am not sure i want more at the moment. I don't think he does either. It started out as a friends thing and has kind of morphed. I have 2 kids which take up my time, in fact he hasn't met my kids and won't for a long time. I have done the marriage thing and it just isn't on the cards for me for a long time.
In fact people probably know what happened with me and another member on here. It would have been the perfect set up, we would have seen each other for a few weeks avery 6 months or so initially.
I am not one of those people who wants constant affection. It is draining.
_________________
I love diggin' in the dirt
With just a pick and brush
Finding fossils is my aim
So I'm never in a rush
Back to the OP.
Yes, it is such a hard thing to obtain because it is the precise opposite of what so many women want. How do NT men deal with this mismatch between their desires and women's? By leading the women on into thinking that in time they will morph into Mr. Forever who will get married and have kids. OIther men actually are honest and upfront say that they are not looking for marriage or kids. In that case the women lie to themselves and convince themselves that he doesn't actually mean it and will want committment when he finds the right woman (them). So you can lie to a woman and make her think you want committmenrt, or you can be honest and she'll lie to herself that someday you'll want committment. But it will be hard to find a woman who actually doesn't want commitment yet does want monogamy. For women, monogamy and committment tend to go hand in hand.
There is a third option. The 'dating and see where it goes' option. Of course, this doesn't apply to the OP, but it is both feasible and honest. You can still be up front and say 'I'm not thinking marriage' but admit that a relationship will progress along its own lines. This seems to be the way my own current relationship is going. If he ever proposes, yeah it'd be nice. But if he doesn't? Well its not like its much less secure than a marriage.
Thank you for including the adjective 'many' in your post, before women, by the way.
It's the usage that makes me angry, not the people who use the words. Sorry for derailing your thread but I just can't see past words like that.
I don't use these words because they're vulgar and rude, but how exactly is the word "B***h" misogynist? Its male equivalent is "B****d". Is that misandrist? In a similar vein, are the terms "stag party" or "hen party" sexist too?
I believe I put something similar to that down on my OkCupid profile...
*checks*
Yep: Just looking for new friends to do things with on the weekends. If something more develops out of that, cool. If no, still looking to have some weekend activities with new people.
I just didn't want to deal with some gal who is dead set on getting married within two years and having a kid as soon as possible. I just want things to go on their own pace, rather than rush into everything just because some girl is lonely or because she feels the need to fulfill some destiny she's planned out. It's almost as if she'd be doing that just for herself and who cares about the guy (me) that was on the other end...
It's the usage that makes me angry, not the people who use the words. Sorry for derailing your thread but I just can't see past words like that.
I don't use these words because they're vulgar and rude, but how exactly is the word "B***h" misogynist? Its male equivalent is "B****d". Is that misandrist? In a similar vein, are the terms "stag party" or "hen party" sexist too?
b***h is misogynist because... straight from Wikipedia: "The word "b***h", literally meaning a female dog, is a common slang term in the English language, especially used as a denigrating term applied to a person, commonly a woman. It often refers to someone who is belligerent, unreasonable, rudely intrusive or aggressive.
Its original use as a vulgarism, documented to the fourteenth century, suggested high sexual desire in a woman, comparable to a dog in heat."
Bastard is misandrist in the sense that it's only applied to men. But it's still not linking the person being insulted's inherent being, i.e. their maleness, to something disgusting/shameful/less than human. "Child born to unmarried parents."
Just my thoughts obviously.
Oh and edited to include my idle thoughts on stag party/hen party: any term that differentiates by gender is inherently sexist cause it perpetuates stereotypes, whether positive or negative. But I'm not delusional enough to think we'd ever live in a world that didn't differentiate by gender. However: would you rather be a stag or a hen? Me personally a stag by about 1000%. A hen sits around and lays eggs all day. A stag does what he pleases in the forest all day. Case closed! (for me)
Not really...well, up to a point.
I've always thought that name "hen party" was a rather...weak sounding "answer" to the stag party. How about a tigress party?
But what if that "destiny" didn't include marriage or a family, but was just to meet one (or more) eccentric but fun guys like you and have relatively uncommitted relationships wirth them?
You see what I'm saying? I am aware that although the whole family starting thing does not seem appealing, I still find I am prone to quite elaborate fantasies, and sometimes have to remind myself that other people are not simply characters in ny own personal play, that they have their own "stories" too.
But what if that "destiny" didn't include marriage or a family, but was just to meet one (or more) eccentric but fun guys like you and have relatively uncommitted relationships wirth them?
You see what I'm saying? I am aware that although the whole family starting thing does not seem appealing, I still find I am prone to quite elaborate fantasies, and sometimes have to remind myself that other people are not simply characters in ny own personal play, that they have their own "stories" too.
If the destiny was to just meet a guy, fine.
However, usually these desperate and lonely types just want to get married and have a kid asap.
I hate the idea of marriage and kids. My current boyfriend is someone who I was friends with for a long time and have a strong emotional connection with, and by becoming boyfriend/girlfriend just meant that we agreed on a level of commitment to each other. We speak on the phone several times a day, enjoy each others company but have plenty of our own space and separate lives which works great for both of us. I have no desire to enter the type of relationship so many women are conditioned into wanting by society, and more often than not stay in out of convenience. Those sort of women are just IMO looking for security and have so little self-worth that their whole identity is defined by being a wife and/or mother.
What really makes me angry is that in 2011 this blatantly misogynistic language not only still exists but is still being made up. Slutbag? Anyone who uses this is reducing a person to the frequency and people she has sex with. Maybe I think too literally but it's calling a person a bag. As in, her body is an empty sack functional only for sexual purposes.
Unless it's the female equivalent of "douchebag," which although it's a negative term for a male is also misogynistic cause it's calling a guy as disgusting and shameful as the product.
Why do 90% of sexual insults come down to misogyny. I'm really very sick of it.
I have to agree...this sort of language peeves me to no end. We should all be having fabulous sex (if that's your thing) and not be judged by it. It should be a beautiful thing.
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