How to tell parents about bf?

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nick007
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18 Jul 2011, 5:00 pm

Don't worry I was not offended by your advice joshkuthak. She isn't completely independent thou because her parents are helping her out some financially amongst other things rite now; she can say more about that if she wants but I don't feel it's my place to. I'm kind of letting her be in charge of the pace of things because she's a bit younger than me, she has more going on in her life rite now & she seems pretty responsible. I would be moving faster but that isn't very practical & I do not want to risk hurting her or screwing things up by rushing or anything


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Megz
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18 Jul 2011, 5:28 pm

Neither of us see the age difference as a problem, and I think with a little time my parents could get over it. Interesting how everyone locked on to that as the main issue. Anyways, how do I bring up the conversation with my mom in the first place? That's what I'm having a problem with. I haven't talked to my mom about stuff like that in years, when it was easier because I saw her every day instead of like once a week. Oh and I'm going back tonight instead of tomorrow because my grandma is coming to stay and she needs the guest room, so it's probably going to be another week before I have a chance to tell her because they're about to leave to go to karate and I'm leaving as soon as my clothes are done in the dryer.



Megz
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18 Jul 2011, 6:03 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Ok, now my turn, I think It's very early to worry about those stupid things right now.

Your first step should be actually meeting each others before anything else, online love is often delusional, so make sure it's not delusional before doing anything else.


So you think we should meet before I tell my parents? I think that's a half decent idea, but it would probably involve some amount of lying to my parents which would suck if they found out.



nick007
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18 Jul 2011, 6:22 pm

Megz wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Ok, now my turn, I think It's very early to worry about those stupid things right now.

Your first step should be actually meeting each others before anything else, online love is often delusional, so make sure it's not delusional before doing anything else.


So you think we should meet before I tell my parents? I think that's a half decent idea, but it would probably involve some amount of lying to my parents which would suck if they found out.

I don't like the idea of lying because things could be worse if they found out. It's like what I told a 16year-old girl on a Miranda Cosgrove fan site last night. She wanted to date a 16year-old guy from Facebook & her dad didn't approve. Her cousin had suggested that she sneak around behind her dad's back. My advice was that she should try to find a way to work with her dad to get him to approve it like suggesting that they meet the guy & maybe doing a double date with her older brother instead because trying to get her dad's approval 1st would seem more mature & responsible than going behind his back & she could have major problems if they got caught. She talked to him again & she got the OK


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Megz
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18 Jul 2011, 6:31 pm

nick007 wrote:
Megz wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Ok, now my turn, I think It's very early to worry about those stupid things right now.

Your first step should be actually meeting each others before anything else, online love is often delusional, so make sure it's not delusional before doing anything else.


So you think we should meet before I tell my parents? I think that's a half decent idea, but it would probably involve some amount of lying to my parents which would suck if they found out.

I don't like the idea of lying because things could be worse if they found out. It's like what I told a 16year-old girl on a Miranda Cosgrove fan site last night. She wanted to date a 16year-old guy from Facebook & her dad didn't approve. Her cousin had suggested that she sneak around behind her dad's back. My advice was that she should try to find a way to work with her dad to get him to approve it like suggesting that they meet the guy & maybe doing a double date with her older brother instead because trying to get her dad's approval 1st would seem more mature & responsible than going behind his back & she could have major problems if they got caught. She talked to him again & she got the OK


But I don't have an older brother, and the 8-year-old isn't quite ready for dating yet :lol:

I think what Boo is saying is that since I'm an adult and I don't live at home I don't really have to tell them anything at this point. If I was dating a guy that went to my school I would certainly wait a while longer before telling them, maybe a month or so. I'm starting to think that Boo is right. I'm not going to lie to them if they ask me, but I think it might be better if we did meet first.



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18 Jul 2011, 6:38 pm

MXH wrote:
I'm sure if the parents had a chance as I have of seeing your maturity and how good a person you are they'd be happy to have their daughter date you.

that is a hell of a nice thing to say, and i agree. sorry, just needed to point that out in case it got lost in the shuffle.

when i was 17 i dated a man who was 40. i was very "lucky" as my parents were fairly liberal.... ummm perhaps TOO liberal in my case. it would have been nice if they coulda noticed the fact he tried to seduce me into some kind of cult. ugh, a little more parental involvement would've been good. hmmm maybe neglect is a better word than liberal to describe their parenting.

wait, what were we talking about?

oh yeah, my advice. maybe mention Nick007 progressivley... first as a friend to get them used to the idea. drop his name in conversation. talk about what he is like, but don't sound tooooo ecstatic or your parents will worry he is a seductor. once you have talked about him more and more and then told your parents of your underlying feelings, maybe also be clear about where you two want to go with the relationship. i don't know your plans in terms of sex before marriage, but if you plan to abstain from it, make sure they are very well aware of it.


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Megz
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18 Jul 2011, 6:52 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
MXH wrote:
I'm sure if the parents had a chance as I have of seeing your maturity and how good a person you are they'd be happy to have their daughter date you.

that is a hell of a nice thing to say, and i agree. sorry, just needed to point that out in case it got lost in the shuffle.

when i was 17 i dated a man who was 40. i was very "lucky" as my parents were fairly liberal.... ummm perhaps TOO liberal in my case. it would have been nice if they coulda noticed the fact he tried to seduce me into some kind of cult. ugh, a little more parental involvement would've been good. hmmm maybe neglect is a better word than liberal to describe their parenting.

wait, what were we talking about?

oh yeah, my advice. maybe mention Nick007 progressivley... first as a friend to get them used to the idea. drop his name in conversation. talk about what he is like, but don't sound tooooo ecstatic or your parents will worry he is a seductor. once you have talked about him more and more and then told your parents of your underlying feelings, maybe also be clear about where you two want to go with the relationship. i don't know your plans in terms of sex before marriage, but if you plan to abstain from it, make sure they are very well aware of it.


Thank you, that sounds like some great advice :D



nick007
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18 Jul 2011, 7:24 pm

Megz wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
MXH wrote:
I'm sure if the parents had a chance as I have of seeing your maturity and how good a person you are they'd be happy to have their daughter date you.

that is a hell of a nice thing to say, and i agree. sorry, just needed to point that out in case it got lost in the shuffle.

when i was 17 i dated a man who was 40. i was very "lucky" as my parents were fairly liberal.... ummm perhaps TOO liberal in my case. it would have been nice if they coulda noticed the fact he tried to seduce me into some kind of cult. ugh, a little more parental involvement would've been good. hmmm maybe neglect is a better word than liberal to describe their parenting.

wait, what were we talking about?

oh yeah, my advice. maybe mention Nick007 progressivley... first as a friend to get them used to the idea. drop his name in conversation. talk about what he is like, but don't sound tooooo ecstatic or your parents will worry he is a seductor. once you have talked about him more and more and then told your parents of your underlying feelings, maybe also be clear about where you two want to go with the relationship. i don't know your plans in terms of sex before marriage, but if you plan to abstain from it, make sure they are very well aware of it.


Thank you, that sounds like some great advice :D

I think it's great advice too. That's kind of what I'm doing with my parents. They know I've been chatting with a 19year-old Aspie girl but I haven't told em it's more than a friendship yet. I'm not comfortable talking to my parents about stuff either. Choice about what to do next is yours Megz. I just want to make sure your comfortable with however you decide to proceed.
& Thanx for that MXH & hyperlexian :)


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