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Fatal-Noogie
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21 Jul 2011, 12:37 am

I loved her. She didn't love me. End of story.


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MR20
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21 Jul 2011, 12:47 am

There was this one time in my teens where person I hung out with told this girl that I liked her. (she was the sister of another person I hung out with) She just laughed in my face, it was like she thought "there's no way I would ever go out with this bum, I can't believe he thought he had a chance"

Stupid b***h.



Adam82
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21 Jul 2011, 3:31 am

Bosun117 wrote:
We've all been in one, especially us Aspies. What's your best (or worst) story of unrequited love?

Right now, I'm close to a girl that I have a hidden love interest in, who's already in a relationship. It's a common scenario to be in, this "Jessie's Girl"-type fix, but it's very painful for me. To me, it seems to show just how far behind I am in the social skills/friends/relationships department. Like, if I'd learned the necessary social skills earlier, she could be with me instead of him. :(


I'm in the same situation, with a friend who is already in a long term relationship. It really does hurt, doesn't it? If only we'd had higher social skills, and met the girl years ago before he did.



Mammy
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21 Jul 2011, 4:14 am

Unrequited love sucks at any age, under any circumstance, whether you're an Aspie or an NT. The reason I found this website was to understand my (now ex) boyfriend. Through lots of reading and research, we were able to determine just a few weeks ago that he has Asperger's Syndrome. I joined this forum so that I could understand and "love him better." As of last night, I have now joined the ranks of women he's enjoyed for a few months, became bored with, then moved on in search of that initial excitement he gets in a new romance. I tell myself that it's not personal, that it's part of his Aspie-ness, but it still cuts like a knife to my heart to be rejected by him. I so desperately wanted to be "the one" that he could actually love and want to be with forever. Silly me... :cry:



Keeno
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21 Jul 2011, 10:17 am

A simpler name for an unrequited love scenario is a "oneitis" - as you know, Adam. It's an especially apt word for Aspies, having their special interests. The special interest could be on a person who's a romantic interest, one person hence the person's a "oneitis", but an unattainable person for whatever reason - e.g. already having a partner, or they're a celebrity. Thus, nick007's special interest in Miranda Cosgrove counted as a oneitis. I have had oneitises in the past. They were very distracting. I have worked on disciplining myself over the past few years to mentally guard myself against oneitis formation, by frank assessment of how attainable a girl is combined with frank assessment my own potential mating value. This disciplining has been quite effective for me, but I used to get oneitises in customer service situations such as with supermarket staff, as they were the main place where any girls were friendly towards me and I had positive interaction with them, hell they were paid to do so! In fact, realising they were paid to do so assuaged much of my whole oneitis problem.


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21 Jul 2011, 10:22 am

Mammy wrote:
Unrequited love sucks at any age, under any circumstance, whether you're an Aspie or an NT. The reason I found this website was to understand my (now ex) boyfriend. Through lots of reading and research, we were able to determine just a few weeks ago that he has Asperger's Syndrome. I joined this forum so that I could understand and "love him better." As of last night, I have now joined the ranks of women he's enjoyed for a few months, became bored with, then moved on in search of that initial excitement he gets in a new romance. I tell myself that it's not personal, that it's part of his Aspie-ness, but it still cuts like a knife to my heart to be rejected by him. I so desperately wanted to be "the one" that he could actually love and want to be with forever. Silly me... :cry:


That's awful. :(



curlyfry
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21 Jul 2011, 11:30 am

Mammy wrote:
Unrequited love sucks at any age, under any circumstance, whether you're an Aspie or an NT. The reason I found this website was to understand my (now ex) boyfriend. Through lots of reading and research, we were able to determine just a few weeks ago that he has Asperger's Syndrome. I joined this forum so that I could understand and "love him better." As of last night, I have now joined the ranks of women he's enjoyed for a few months, became bored with, then moved on in search of that initial excitement he gets in a new romance. I tell myself that it's not personal, that it's part of his Aspie-ness, but it still cuts like a knife to my heart to be rejected by him. I so desperately wanted to be "the one" that he could actually love and want to be with forever. Silly me... :cry:


That sucks.

That doesn't have to be Aspie. He sounds like one of those who desire relationships just for the "honey moon stage" and then when things become reality they want out. Some guy even mentioned the idea of getting married was great but actually being married was no fun. Yeah, he's on his fourth wife.