Do you date people you're not attracted to?

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Co-Signing as well.
One old classmate who was attractive always complained why she couldn't find a man, then one day I saw a guy walk up to her and ask her out, and she turned him down quick. She said she didn't like how he was dressed. He came in with a t-shirt, socks and flip-flops. He might have been heading to the gym. Then she says to her friend, "He all thirsty", guessing he was all over her, wanting to get with her. That's why you don't have a man. Setting yourself up with ridiculous standards such as those.



You're not the only one. I've been in situations like this myself. Why would you date someone you're not interested in? Makes no sense to me...

I think a lot of people date people they aren't physically attracted to and I the reason they do such things is likely due to some insecurity, such as fear of being alone or a desire to be with at least someone, a limited dating pool and the notion that one is somehow inferior if they do not have a boyfriend or girlfriend.

I don't think I've ever really dated in the first place. The word doesn't really represent any experiences of my relationships.

I've generally either had a brief moment with someone, or experienced an attraction that led into something deeper. Even when I was a teenager I didn't date, I just found myself absorbed in a situation with someone. Attraction is a strange thing anyway, it's not really about appearance to me, more about a connection.

Maybe she approached him and started the conversation.
Before he knew it, she'd made a good first impression, and voila!

In response to the original question (as I read it):
I too have been involved with someone who many people thought to be unattractive by common standards; appearance really is secondary if you find that there is an emotional and intellectual connection forming. We met at work, she really wasn't "my type", but over time we learned we had quite a bit in common...

Now if I had found her repulsive, I'd never have dated her, even though likely we would have become friends. But she was reasonably attractive, and after getting to know how much we shared and how compatible we were on many different fronts... I only noticed the beautiful stuff. And there was so much beautiful on the inside: the outside package was enhanced just because I knew how much good came with it.

___


Ps - I might think orange is a rather dull color, but I adore reese peanut butter cups. If I had never tried a reese peanut butter cup because the package color is mediocre... Look at all the yummy I'd be missing!

I don't see any point in dating someone you're not attracted to. why waste time? there are so many good books to read :->

The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho.
Life altering.

this is such an odd question, because it is based on the premise that the OP's friend isn't attracted to his girlfriend. and he might be - perhaps in his eyes she was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes upon, even before she opened her lips to speak a word.

there's no accounting for tastes, and it is a good thing we are all unique that way. if there was only one coveted "type" in the world, most of us would never get laid or find love.

putting that aside, i am *never* attracted to a person primarily based on appearance. they are a whole package that i am drawn towards. i start to notice more things about them that are physically attractive as i get to know them better. the chest hair that i find adore on a man i love would be inconsequential on a man i am unfamiliar with.

not very many people enter into a relationship without speaking to a person first, so there is plenty of time for attraction to build. it's not like most people scan a room, find the person they are attracted to, and propose. so i think that the majority of other people do base attraction on more than looks.

one last point. OP, i am not someone who likes hugging an awful lot unless i really like a person. but i have to say that i have never felt my skin crawl when i think about hugging another human being due to the way they look.

I'd rather go on a date with Quasimodo and his pet Chupacabra

unfortunately I already did read it so I'm not getting that time back.

What is it with women and massive amounts of body hair? I'm never gonna get me a girl!


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You'll just have to get bigger books. They last longer and make better pillows (Quote from page 1 of The Alchemist. It really is a pretty slender volume).

Well, there has to be something appealing about them and I'll admit a good personality can really help make someone more attractive but I definitely wouldn't be able to go out with someone I couldn't stand looking at, good personality or not. I feel there needs to be a good balance; someone who is attractive enough in their own ways but not one that is so gorgeous that every guy hits on her and one that would make me feel like I was never good enough for her. I would definitely rather be with someone who's average looking with a great personality than a gorgeous girl who's condescending.

I've never dated anyone I wasn't attracted to, but physical appearance is not all I'm attracted to. A guy could be stunningly attractive physically and if he's an as*hole I won't want anything to do with him, and if he were just okay looking but a real sweetheart, I'd be attracted to him. I put a lot more value on how I'm treated than on physical appearance.

~Kate

well, it *is* one of those "either love it or hate it" things in life, isn't it? I just happen to be on the hater side here (also known as the Good Literature Team )


sorry for the offtopic OP, moving on now...

The Alchemist only has a high entertainment value, but that's it.

I think that's why Coelho's books gained so much popularity, they're simply entertaining.

I think Paulo Coelho is much better as a composer. Whenever he worked with Raul Seixas, there was instant awesome.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0IXq1x1wcU[/youtube]

Yeah, I know the video is ridiculously cheesy. That was part of Seixas' appeal. That, and his knack for criticizing in his songs the military dictatorship ruling Brazil back then. Of course, it led the government to torture and exile both Coelho and Seixas.

Agreed!!

I couldn't date anyone I wasn't attracted to sexually. However last year I was asked out by a stunning italian investment banker who I found very attractive but dumped him after afew dates and because we had nothing in common but my pals thought I was crazy for doing so. So maybe looks aren't everything.

There are alot of beautiful girls who find powerful wealthy, or talented average looking men very attractive. Some people just have confidence which makes them very attractive too.

I agree that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.