Guy doesn't want to 'risk' having a kid with me.

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I dont think there is anything wrong with not wanting children. If he only has a problem because of the Autism issue, you could always adopt?

I think that what's bad is when people have children for the wrong reasons. If you don't want them or feel you can't handle them and don't, then, to me, that's being responsible.

Speak for yourself. There are a million things I despise about myself. My autistic traits don't make that list.

On this site, I'm not notorious, since most of us agree with me. But there are places where people scream and run whenever any topic like this comes up, because they know it will set me off. I loathe eugenics, I loathe Nazis, I despise the entire accursed "spectrum" of bigotry.

All of which is to say, if I thought this was what was happening here, I'd advise the OP to leave the nasty little creep at once. After the outrage in Norway, with so many people dead because of a neo-Nazi "crusader", I wouldn't have a snowball's chance in hell of even being gentle when I said it, either. But I don't think that your evaluation is accurate in this case, at least that's not what I read into the OP's description of her dilemma. Her boyfriend doesn't seem to have said "We can't inflict any more of them on the world" (an irony, since he would be among the "them", but not impossible, since many bigots actually are the very thing they hate) - from her post, I think he said "I don't feel up to the challenge of raising any kid, much less one even capable parents would often find a challenge". And that is a reasonable position to take. If he doesn't feel that he's capable of being a parent, then he doesn't. There's nothing bigoted or eugenical in that.

And, yes, in this society, with the knowledge and the expectations that parents have, most parents find raising any kid on the spectrum to be more than an ordinary challenge. That isn't to say AS kids present the only challenges, or the worst ones - but if you don't feel equipped to raise kids in general, then you certainly are not going to feel equipped to raise an AS kid.

I'm not doing a particularly good job at dealing with my AS related difficulties. Therefore, I don't think I'm suited for parenting. Probably I'll never be.

Also, I hate the sound of children crying/screaming. I wouldn't be a good father.

He has expressed wanting children in the past-but it seems not with me through the fear of producing a child who is going to have a similar or 'worse' life than him due to a condition.

I may be acting female but I have thought about children from a young age. Thinking about adoption when I have a perfectly healthy womb seems a bit bizarre.

What I find bizarre is the idea that, if you want to have kids, and you're physically capable, have your own. My family adopted two kids from Russia in 2004, as well as having two biological children. We saved two unwanted children from a life of hell on the streets. Am I biased towards adopting children? Yes, I most certainly am. You don't even have to adopt to help these kids; Just support them in any way possible.

While I may very well want to have my own children someday, it does not mean that I can simply ignore all of the unwanted kids out there. Just my 2 cents.

I think there is nothing to substantiate his worries.

I'm way too masculine to be a wife and a mother.

I was going to suggest adoption as well sense his main concern is that the kid will be autistic/AS. Perhaps you can find a young pregnant teen who cant or doesn't want to keep her kid & work out some kind of arrangement.

So he would have a child with another woman who didn't have aspergers. Alot of us had to go through really rough times with prejudism, outcasts, others not understanding our sensory issues etc...

What that can do however is let you know how NOT to treat a child by how others treated you.

I never had kids, because I always knew that I couldn't be the type of father a child deserves, regardless of what problems it may or may not have. If he doesn't want to bring another aspie into the world, ask him why. It may be that he had a horrifying childhood and doesn't want a kid to go through what he did. That was one of my main reasons.

I think it's more bizarre to dismiss a solution that could give you everything you want: motherhood and a future with the man you believe is the love of your life.

I'm a healthy woman with a perfectly healthy womb, and I chose adoption as my path to motherhood. Like yourself, there were issues that affected my decision. I thank God for my daughter - she is amazing, smart, beautiful, funny, creative - everything I could have hoped for. Our bond has nothing to do with DNA, and everything to do with love. I can assure you that DNA wouldn't make the bond she and I have one bit stronger, deeper, or more meaningful.

IMO, your bf has told you what he wants. If you want to spend your life with this man and raise children with him, you're going to have to compromise - at least in terms of how you become a mother. If you're not willing to compromise, then I think you're going to have to give up on the idea of motherhood, or give up on the idea of spending the rest of your lives together. Good luck.

I just thought of another posi9ble option OP. Perhaps you could get medical science to use someone elses egg &/or someone elses sperm to get pregnant

Why are people coming down a little harsh for her want of having her own biological child? It seems to me the man said NT or severely autistic meaning he just doesn't want to have children period. It's her choice if she wants a biological child and shouldn't be condemned either way.

What confuses me though is she mentioned he had said in the past he wants kids??

Some of us learn from our experiences to treat others better as we are put through hell for being different. Some of us don't. Empathy is learned through life experiences especially if you've had a tough one and chose to soak it in and use those experiences to gain more understanding of life and other people.

If he feels this way now though, he might just treat you like you are on your own with the child and if that is okay with you then go for it. Otherwise, maybe you two need to separate for a little. If he finds someone he deems worthy enough to have his kid because she's NT, it may hurt like hell but maybe that will lead you to someone who won't be a self hating judgmental type.

I'm bothered by the fact that people are pushing this notion that aspies aren't allowed to relate to anyone...not even their own peers. It's subconsciously being put out there that only NT's can just do it all when that's not true at all.

Do both of you get along well with both of you having aspergers or do you think he secretly wants the significant other to also be his mother?

I don't think anyone is coming down on her for wanting her own biological children. I think those of us who have suggested other ways to create a family are offering solutions to the problem she's faced with. For what it's worth, I don't get the impression that her bf is a "self hating judgmental type." Perhaps he's realized that he has only enough mental and emotional energy to give to his primary relationship - with her. As you stated, he now seems reluctant to have any children, and is very wary of having autistic children. I think he's trying to tell her that he's discovered a limitation of his own that he wasn't aware of; she shouldn't ignore what he's telling her.

Additionally, it seems that she considers his perspective as a devaluation of who she is. To be clear, I'm not blaming her for responding the way she has, I'm just pointing out that she's used words like "unworthy"; she's described his position as a reluctanct to "risk" having children with her; she's described her womb as "perfectly good." I don't think he's told her he believes her to be unworthy, or said that her womb is defective in some way. That's just the way his perspective makes her feel, and I think that's a shame, cause I don't think that's what his intent is.

OP, I'm hoping that you can talk to your bf honestly, and tell him that his new perspective on having biological children with you has hurt you. I'm also hoping that you can put aside your hurt feelings to effectively deal with the situation. IMO, your bf is not worried about you, your abilities as a parent, your womb, or anything else. I think he's trying to tell you about his own limitations. I was trying to tell you that there are other ways to achieve what you want (if your bf is willing to parent children at this point in his life). I really do wish you good luck with this.