Trouble saying no

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Wo. I would NOT end up in bed with someone. However, this one guy keeps pressuring me on FB to meet him and after some good advice, I have been able to say no. It's hard to reject people because you feel bad but you aren't doing something bad. It's not like you are insulting them, it is that the situation didn't work out for whatever reason.

A thought!
No = the situation didn't(doesn't) work out for whatever reason
As long as it's a valid reason, then you are fine telling them no.

This is called Codependency. It's a personality trait that causes you to act in overly passive or caretaking ways which negatively harm relationships of many kinds, ranging from mother to child relationships, to wife and husband relationships.

At its core, Codependency is an issue involving personal evaluation of yourself, and involving low self-esteem. A codependent person will base their self worth, consciously or unconsciously, on what they mean to an individual. Some people with codependency will have sex with others to reaffirm their worth to individuals around them, others will put the needs of others, monetary emotional or just personal, in front of their own needs.

Your inability to say no likely stems a little bit from this, but it could also be from just low self worth in general. No means no. If your friend didn't get this, and I mean this as nicely as I can possibly say it, he needs to go jump off a cliff. In certain particular subcultures and societal-philosophical doctrines, you were raped. Sex, in any sense of the word, should be completely consensual. To pressure another person to have sex is /wrong/

One important thing to note: codependency is a two way street. It's the person who is codependent that is the one with the personality flaw, this is true. But individuals who take advantage of this codependency (like your "friend" did) also /encourage/ said codependency by fueling those needs to feel accepted. This person is not your friend. This person is a sexual assailant, and you need to recognize that as such. You kept on saying no, and he did not stop. What does that say about how he values your emotions, privacy and own needs?

Think about it.

But I didn't say no right then. I told him before that I wasn't interested in him that way and that I just wanted a friend, but right when it happened I couldn't say anything, just passively let him do what he wanted. I wasn't made to do anything, but I didn't do anything because I wanted it but because he wanted it.

I just posted this in love and dating:
"My roommate is 20 years old. His social worker/psych seems to believe that because he is Aspie, he is easily manipulated and therefore unable to be competent to consent to sexual activity. He was involved sexually with someone when he was 19 years old and now the social worker is trying to convince him that he was exploited/abused. This guy is a very strong willed person who can EASILY make decisions/say NO/say YES, etc. He's very well educated about sex and issues connected to sex such as sexual health, drama/emotions, boundary communication, etc.

Has anyone here ever been told they are NOT competent to make their own sexual decisions or have consensual sex? There are all these laws protecting persons with developmental disability from sexual exploitation/abuse and all the research on line talks about mental retardation but I can't find any laws on the books regarding Asperger's.

My roommate is concerned his social worker/psych will somehow disallow him from having any kind of sexual/romantic relationships in the future and will constantly be accusing any of his future dates/lovers/partners of exploitation and abuse.

Thanks."

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It's CRUCIAL that Aspies/Auties keep their boundaries FIRM and do not consent to sex they actually don't want to have. Don't "PEOPLE PLEASE," don't have sex because you "owe" it to the other person or want the other person to feel happy, etc... don't do it unless you are 100% self-convinced that you desire the sexual interaction and won't regret it later.

This people pleasing is why social workers, psychs, and the legal system don't trust that aspies/auties are COMPETENT to make decisions about their sexuality and why their partners could be legally charged with sexual abuse.

Where is the line between a person being unable to say no due to being a people pleasure and then their sex partner later on being accused by "the system" of exploitation/abuse or rape?

No, it's OK, you're fine. But as long as you understand that you might be seeing Tequila 2 when it might actually be Tequila 1. Sometimes I just like the wind-up.

I only advise against 'advising' those who drink because it's counter-productive. I know I have a problem and I don't know how to fix it yet. The drinking isn't the issue, it's the attitude I take with me.