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Is it worth the risk?

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The_Face_of_Boo
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16 Aug 2011, 6:53 am

Chronos wrote:


I would like to point out that most people with AS would probably not think to take the seat next to an individual they knew who greeted them on the bus. Nor would many NT's. In fact, it has been my observation that on buses, people tend to favor a particular seat for various reasons, and will try to occupy the same seat on each trip if they are able to.


She's not aspie, that's for sure.

Yea, I considered that possibility.


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Maybe, maybe not....have you realized that many of those with AS expect others to be more socially well versed than they are and respond in ways they do not?


Are you referring to her or to me? she's not aspie.



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However, I commend you for reaching out to her.


Yea, the question now is how. Did you read the rest of the thread?


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It doesn't have to be awkward. If you asked her out for coffee, your intentions would be fairly ambiguous and so you manage to "save face" if she rejects this offer, and as no romantic intentions were stated or implied, you really shouldn't feel awkward.


You're right at that.


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If asking her out is worth the risk really depends on how much of a risk you perceive it to be. If you are the type of person who is severely emotionally impacted by rejection then it might be too big of a risk. If you are the type of person who can shrug it off and figure "Oh well, there's other girls to meet," then it's not much a risk at all is it.


Well.... I am not the type to figure "oh well, there's other girls to meet" because seriously It's not like I am meeting everyday an overflow of single girls of my age range whom I would like . But I am not the cry baby type either, I follow the meh philosophy in such situation and move on....



simon_says
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16 Aug 2011, 1:28 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
simon_says wrote:
"“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do." --Mark Twain.

Do it in person. My two cents.


This quote is true but I think it's really irrelevant here.

So what are you suggesting to do? To call her at her workplace? Big no no, she didn't show enough interest to take a such risk.

To Pm her on FB again? Ok , after few days. But of course, it wouldn't be an asking out PM, just a hello pm and attempt to know which days of the week she's attending.



It's very relevant from my perspective. Whatever risk you imagine exists is fleeting. What Ive found is that Ive never regretted asking someone out or making a pass. Even the shoddy efforts. If it ended in failure the sting was short lived. The only long term regrets I have are where I didn't make an effort when I was interested.

I'm not sure of the best way forward. If you don't play the FB contact or phone well, it will come off wrong. Personally I'd just keep going until I bumped into her again. Maybe increase your frequency. Then talk to her and at some point ask her out to do something specific , very casually, as if you just thought of it. If the answer is no just act like it's not a big deal and beat a friendly retreat. No harm done.