Fell in love with a girl at work!

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CrinklyCrustacean
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06 Aug 2011, 9:50 am

Stay away from her.

hartzofspace
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06 Aug 2011, 11:42 am

Chronos wrote:

No, the best that can happen is she'll reject you. The worst that can happen is you get slapped with a sexual harassment lawsuit, you get fired, your wife divorces you for cheating and your kids never forgive you. Or she reciprocates, her husband finds out, and kills you.

I had a violent ex. Once some guy said a suggestive remark to me, and I innocently repeated it to my then boyfriend. He took the guy outside and beat him so badly that an ambulance was summoned. You never know what you are getting into, if you set out to cheat.

Chronos wrote:

I suggest you don't approach her. And I also suggest you file for a separation before approaching other women, if you are intent on leaving your wife, so at least that way you aren't a total dishonest person and aren't actually in the wrong.

This.

Chronos wrote:

However, if you always look for greener pastures, so to speak, every time you are unhappy in a relationship, instead of working through the issue with your partner, you are going to have a lot of unhappy relationships.

and This.

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Tequila
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06 Aug 2011, 12:06 pm

hartzofspace wrote:

Did he know who the guy was? Was he a neighbour or something like that?

DW_a_mom
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06 Aug 2011, 12:16 pm

The others are right, but here is something not mentioned:

You should look for another job. A good one, one that will be fulfilling and positive for you, but one that does not have her in it. Get away from the situation. It is a distraction from your work, AND until you've left you can't get complete perspective on what your feelings do - or do not - mean. And ... once you have left the job, if you've also cleaned up things at home and your feelings persist, you'll be in a position to tell her without it ruining work (there will still be other things for it to ruin, but things like this can never go cleanly).

I once had a man I worked with confess he was madly in love with me. Honestly, it had never entered my head to see him that way. I mean, we had nothing in common beyond youth and a career, as our values and goals were complete opposites. Thankfully he was a little drunk, so he either forgot about it, or was able to pretend he had forgotten about it. But it can get really tricky, these things. And it could not have been anything deeper than lust or obsession, I really believe that.

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simon_says
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06 Aug 2011, 2:04 pm

Only you know the state of your marriage. And married people meet and leave their spouses all the time. But don't cheat whatever you do. In the end you'll have to pay your money and take your chances.

I do know a guy who left his wife to be with an old flame. That didn't work out (she wouldn't leave her husband, doh!) and he's now lonely and wishing he had not done that. He's back trying the dating game now. So buyer beware.

hartzofspace
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06 Aug 2011, 5:48 pm

Tequila wrote:

hartzofspace wrote:

Did he know who the guy was? Was he a neighbour or something like that?

No, it was just some guy that was at the same club we were visiting that night. My ex had gone off to get drinks and this guy hit on me. I told him I was with someone, but he persisted in making advances.

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Tequila
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06 Aug 2011, 6:32 pm

hartzofspace wrote:

Perhaps if he had done that sort of thing before, you could have told him that "my boyfriend has a history of savagely assaulting anyone who makes advances upon me - please desist". Or similar.

hartzofspace
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07 Aug 2011, 9:30 pm

Tequila wrote:

hartzofspace wrote:

Perhaps if he had done that sort of thing before, you could have told him that "my boyfriend has a history of savagely assaulting anyone who makes advances upon me - please desist". Or similar.

TBH, I didn't know that my then boyfriend was so violent! We had only been dating for about 6 months. And I was not happy when he reacted that way. A simple talking to would have served perfectly well.

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hartzofspace
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07 Aug 2011, 9:31 pm

I wonder if the OP is going to come back?

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wefunction
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08 Aug 2011, 4:29 am

hartzofspace wrote:

I wonder if the OP is going to come back?

The OP had already made up his mind to follow his hormones and destroy lives.

Artros
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08 Aug 2011, 6:55 am

Well, he edited his post a couple of days ago. I think this is new:

milkman3817 wrote:

Thanks everyone for your points of view. I have consitered the consequences of divorce and getting fired. I have run away from my fears all my life I think it is time to start facing them.

It doesn't really say what exactly he's going to do but it honestly looks like he really might shape up.

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hartzofspace
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08 Aug 2011, 9:20 am

It would be nice to know what he decided!

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wefunction
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08 Aug 2011, 3:33 pm

Artros wrote:

Well, he edited his post a couple of days ago. I think this is new:

milkman3817 wrote:

Thanks everyone for your points of view. I have consitered the consequences of divorce and getting fired. I have run away from my fears all my life I think it is time to start facing them.

It doesn't really say what exactly he's going to do but it honestly looks like he really might shape up.

No, it's the opposite of how you've interpreted his statement. Read again. He's considering getting fired and getting divorced as things to be feared but is willing to "face his fears" to follow his hormones. He posted here and then rejected all the advice when none of it supported what he wanted to do. SOS.

Artros
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08 Aug 2011, 4:50 pm

wefunction wrote:

Artros wrote:

Well, he edited his post a couple of days ago. I think this is new:

milkman3817 wrote:

Thanks everyone for your points of view. I have consitered the consequences of divorce and getting fired. I have run away from my fears all my life I think it is time to start facing them.

It doesn't really say what exactly he's going to do but it honestly looks like he really might shape up.

I can honestly see it your way as well. My curiosity is very much unsatisfied.

bruinsy33
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08 Aug 2011, 5:23 pm

milkman3817 wrote:

This lady and I are both married. I have never done any thing to encourage this but I can't get her off my mind. It has been three years now. I hide my true feelings for her and it just don't seem right. You should see how she lights up when I enter the room. She sits up straight fixes her hair. I feel like if I don't tell her I am going to regret it the rest of my life.

I have throughly debated the expectations and rules of this plannet were on and they suck! That song from REO speed should I follow my head or follow my heart describes the predicament I am in.

I figuire the worst that can happen if I tell her is she will reject me and I will get over it eventually. If I don't I am going to be misserable I have to break this obsession. If I haven't been able to do it in three years it isn't going to happen.

Thanks everyone for your points of view. I have consitered the consequences of divorce and getting fired. I have run away from my fears all my life I think it is time to start facing them.

As far as my marridge I have been unhappy for a very long time and regardless of this situation need to end it.

If you are going to go through with this ,do it the right honorable way .Firstly ,take the steps right now to end your marriage before you do anything else .After you have done that and are living on your own you can casually bring up the subject to your coworker about your mutual attraction ,if she feels the same way then let her take the necessary steps to end her marriage [who knows perhaps she is doing that right now] ...Whatever you do there will be risk involved ,you may end up alone but if you like this woman as much as you say and your marriage is over anyway ,you might want to go that way.

hartzofspace
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08 Aug 2011, 5:30 pm

I'm willing to bet that the OP will not keep us informed, especially if it all goes downhill!

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Fell in love with a girl at work!