Do dateless men have a right to be picky?

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They have the right to be overly picky if they want to, but if they are they shouldnt B1tch about how they can't get a GF and how no girl will give them the time of day.

Of course you can be picky.

But ....

If you're desperate and dateless then you can't afford to be picky.

You have every right to be picky. Maybe you believe the princess of some exotic emirate is the right girl for you. You're entitled to such a desire, but it's highly unlikely she's even heard of you. A date isn't a life-long commitment; you should take it as an opportunity to meet some interesting, different people and enjoy that. You have every right to standards, but you have to be aware that other people do too, and if your standards are too strict, you might find a small pool of choices. Instead of thinking of "raising" or "lowering" your standards, why not just consider reorganizing your priorities and considering new options (maybe the lady likes ballet; what's the harm in going to one ballet? you might even like something you didn't think you liked!)?

If you find that no women except those who don't meet your baseline criteria (healthy body form, basic hygiene, decent intelligence) show interest in you, consider putting some thought into your appearance (it won't make you shallow!), think about whether you're focusing on getting to know the other person or just talking about some pet interest or yourself the whole time, and consider whether you're making her feel comfortable and liked.

If you're desperate and dateless, you're a loser.
If you're thinking of "lowering your standards" period, you're a pathetic loser in it for sex, and you can go to hell, IMO.

If you aren't dating to look for a potential mate, just get yourself a whore and be done with it.



Physical appearance shouldn't be much of a factor in relationships. Compatibility of personality is. Aspie or not, you'll find similar and compatible people.

Just get out there and talk to people! Obviously it's easier in an inherently social setting (like a college), but you'd be surprised by the kind of interesting people you may meet.

I hurt even if it is not directed at me. I hardly doubt that if all the aspies had your outlook on life, they would all be in happy relationships. Sometime it is hard to understand how easy aspies can have it, especially woman.

I remember going to a flirt coach. After a couple of hours I felt like I was the only one who was doing my best and trying to talk to strangers. While they had a confidence issues, I had an ability issues. The coach’s efforts to cokes them out of their shell filled me anger.

The worst thing is that I spend thinking that more successful people, got that way because of wisdom, hard work and courage. This is the kind of qualities that I strive for. The reality is many NTs wallow in ignorance, are not brave but just lippy and petty, and not hard working but just have good cognitive skills and natural ability to do their job well.

Most of the time I am dateless, and very depressed because of it. So that must also mean I am desperate too. If you think lowering your standards" makes you a pathetic loser in it for sex. It is often some people use sex as a substitute for love. And yes sometime it works. Actually I envy those who just want sex without any emotional connection; those people I would not consider to be lonely at all.

I'm picky, mainly on IQ. I'm somewhat picky with regards to looks, but my tastes in that tends towards what folks would call "mouse-y" or "plain". Say a 4-6 on the traditional scale. What most folks would call a 10 tends to turn me off as much as a 1 would. That said, I'm well aware that my preference for girls two SDs to the right on the IQ scale means I generally stay single. I bear sole responsibility for that. Beats grinding my teeth and having to mentally downshift to have a conversation. I do that enough working tech support.

Of course they have a right to be picky.. There is a huge difference in being picky and being nasty, I mean, I'm picky. I wouldn't date most people. But I don't go around telling people that they're ugly or laugh about them to other people, or make excuses why i'm too good for them (when i'm not even) because that is being nasty.

But people like this don't have the right to trash people they think are "fat or ugly" because that would be the pot calling the kettle black. To be honest anyone that trashes people for the way they look gets a thumbs down in my opinion no matter how good they look.

If you're desperate, dateless and downright rude, you don't have anything less than you deserve.
If you're not desperate, not dateless, and good looking and downright rude, you are darn lucky to have what you've got, because you don't deserve it.

I mean, if you're that sort of person, I suppose you may as well continue standing up for the fact that you don't want a fat girl. When push comes to shove, and you make a thread whining about being lonely, well, cry me a river, Justin.

So an ugly woman, my age range, with AS would do. The health implication for the child must be taken into consideration, if you decide to have a child.

Aspies don't come here to listen to this. We get enough of this in school. This is definitely something an NT would say.

Been there, done that.

IMO that's unfair. That only applies to some people. Some people that have dates are losers. Some people that arne't desperate are losers. In my opinion people that like anime or comics are losers.. maybe now you'll realise it is not only my opinion, but an attack.



People that don't lower their standards can also be in it for sex, hell, half the people are.



*cough*TROLL*cough*

that half would be the guys.

lol rofl

sorry hale_bop - couldn't resist.

Why are guys on here always trying to say AS woman have it easy? What would you know about it anyway?

You know though, for some reason I look back At SamainKing's thread and I still really think that he didn't even mean it like that - just that he was talking about bad past experience that he didn't want to repeat a misteke he'd already made. Its like how the Source tried to call Eminem a racist for a minute because he wrote this song back before he blew up and it was him saying don't date black girls because they just want you for your money (after dating one or two and having bad breakups) - lol, probably not a smart thing to do in a world where political correctness is war but still, I figured he knew he had too many black friends, too much time in a multicultural environment, and too much bad experience for people to really take that far - well it wasn't even an issue and it didn't even surface until some people had a vendetta with G Unit (him and 50 Cent). Same deal with Samain, that might not have been the best thing to say or be that blunt about in our political climate but doesn't *what* he said have much more to do with not liking jealousy in particular rather than talking about weight?

The 'war on fat women' in Samain's thread, the fact that he caught a defensive pileup on that one is a sign that some of the women here twist things out of context and choose getting offended (seeing it how they want to see it and scrapping other options) just as often as a lot of the guys here supposedly do. Yeah, its good for people to watch their words and its unfortunate when feelings get hurt but at the same time I think it's just a little demented when people fly off the handle before they even consider context (or alternatively after they decide to blatantly disregard it, either or) - that's as bad or worse in my books and it shows lack of class and maturity no matter who's doing it or for what reason.

Dear Abby said looks come first and last in a relationship. It's what gets the phone ringing, but after that...

I admit that my previous post was somewhat inflammatory (and intentionally so), but seriously, listen to me.


Dates are all about understanding two things:

1. If you are right for that person
2. If the other person is right for you

The moment "lowering your standards" comes into play you are already admitting that the person is wrong for you. If you already admit that the other person is wrong for you, how could you ever hope to be the right person for them?

You are wasting their time, and they are wasting yours.


Honestly, to me it really seems like the only way any relationship can be truly healthy is if there is already a pre-existing friendship, without pretense of escalation. That way, you'll learn (and much less painfully so) whether or not a relationship is healthy before any escalation occurs.

And if you limit dating to your friends, you won't ever need to indulge in unhealthy inferiority complex-like thinking of "lowering your standards". Friends are friends.


Thus sayeth gsilver, a man who has never had a girlfriend in his life.

A man often feels unattractive because of his personality, I woman often does because of her look.A man to improve is personality is like going through a maze, it is hard to know if you are making any improvements ,and strength and willpower alone cannot get you through it alone. To get through a date require some serious thinking on your feet.

A woman often feels her unattractiveness is down to looks. If I was a woman and I was a little bit overweight. If I were them, I would acquire all the knowledge about losing weight and train like an athlete until I lose the weight. I would turn finding the right clothes into a science. If I could not find the right clothes I would buy a sowing machine and make them. I believe easily that most women can look much better then they already do with the right know-how and if they do their homework.

A man often feels unattractive because of his personality, I woman often does because of her look.A man to improve is personality is like going through a maze, it is hard to know if you are making any improvements and strength and will power alone cannot get you through it alone. To get through a date require some serious thinking on your feet.

A woman often feels her unattractiveness is down to looks. If I was a woman and I was a little bit overweight. If I were them, I would acquire all the knowledge about losing weight and train like an athlete until I lose the weight. I would turn finding the right clothes into a science. If I could not find the right clothes I would buy a sowing machine and make them. I believe easily that most women can look much better then they already do with the right know-how and if they do their homework.

Also women are built more conservatively then men are psychologically. Man is more likely to have extreme personalities then woman are. That includes the fact that there are more male aspies then woman.