Physical and Sexual Attraction

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12 Aug 2011, 3:44 am

What I mean by not understanding sexual attraction is that I don't really understand what attraction is in the 1st place. I'm attracted to people's personalities but most people say attraction is physical & that it's a sexual thing. I don't understand the difference between aesthetic attraction & sexual attraction because attraction is personality to me.

What asexuals mean by the phrase an "asexual relationship" is a relationship that does NOT involve sex so therefor it seems that asexuals are people who do not want to have sex instead of being people who do not experience sexual attraction. Me & lots of others who use the label asexual do NOT subscribe to the AVEN definition of lack of sexual attraction. Here's how some definition sites define it
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/asexual

Quote:

1. Having no evident sex or sex organs; sexless.
2. Relating to, produced by, or involving reproduction that occurs without the union of male and female gametes, as in binary fission or budding.
3. Lacking interest in or desire for sex.

http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art ... ekey=25993

Quote:

Asexual: 1. Without sexual desire or interest. Someone with seemingly no sexual drive. 2. Referring to reproduction without the combination of genetic material with another individual. Yeast can reproduce asexually by budding.

http://www.yourdictionary.com/asexual

Quote:

Asexual describes something where sex is not involved or a person who does not desire sex or have sexual feelings. (adjective)

An example of asexual is a relationship between a brother and sister.
An example of an asexual person is someone who is not attracted to or interested in having sex with anyone.

& I can go on with more sites.

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Last edited by nick007 on 12 Aug 2011, 4:28 am, edited 6 times in total.

ValentineWiggin
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12 Aug 2011, 4:17 am

nick007 wrote:

You're describing different MOTIVATORS of attraction with "physical vs. personality".
One TYPE of attraction is SEXUAL, and "asexual" describes someone who experiences it toward NEITHER gender.
I'm sure the people who've told you "attraction is physical and sexual" have friends, and coworkers, and MOTHERS, and many relationships with people whom they find ATTRACTIVE, just not SEXUALLY. The difference is that for the asexual, this non-sexual attraction is pervasive- it extends to romantic relationships (if they experience romantic attraction).

nick007 wrote:

I get the impression from asexuals that they are people who do not desire sex.

In that same way, homosexuals do not desire sex *with the opposite sex*
and heterosexuals do not desire sex *with the same sex*.
Nevertheless, that lack of desire is not the defining characteristic, but is resultant of the underlying ORIENTATION,
that being one that does not include those sexes, respectively, in the same way that asexuality includes NEITHER sex.

In the same way, then, that homosexuality is not defined as "lack of desire to have sex with the opposite sex",
asexuality is not defined as "lack of desire to have sex with either sex".
It's a label of orientation.

nick007 wrote:

What they mean by the phrase an "asexual relationship" is a relationship that does NOT involve sex so therefor it seems that asexuals are people who do not want to have sex instead of being people who do not experience sexual attraction..

That is a confusing wording for those outside ace circles, I'll admit.
What they really should say is "sexless relationship",
but within the ace community "asexual relationship" is shorthand for a sexless relationship that is so because one or both partners are asexual.

I said it before, you failed to respond, and insist on bringing up the same conflations, so I'll repeat myself:
Both sexuals and asexuals can desire sex.
Both sexuals and asexuals can be indifferent to sex.
Both sexuals and asexuals can be repulsed by sex.

Therefore it is not desire for or enjoyment of sex which differentiates sexuals and asexuals.

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ValentineWiggin
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12 Aug 2011, 4:25 am

nick007 wrote:

BTW AVEN is defining asexuality differently than how others & some dictionary sites do~

Well, naturally- it is a support community set up for people who lack sexual attraction,
who are in objection to the idea that this need be pathologized,
if it doesn't meet the psychological community's criteria for causing the individual harm,
and have adopted a label for themselves in perfect linguistic/semantic consistency with the way other people's orientations are defined, etymologically.

It naturally means something different when being used in this newer context, as opposed to reproductive biology, or a situation lacking sexual themes, etc. We are talking about people, and how they sexually-relate to other people.

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12 Aug 2011, 4:38 am

I think the issue here is that me & lots of others I've known on AVEN & Ace-Book who use the label asexual are defining it as lack of desire or lack of interest in having sex with anyone instead of defining it as sexual attraction as AVEN does.

Noop
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12 Aug 2011, 5:07 am

This has become very confusing all of a sudden...

So, by my understanding, sexual attraction is the feeling of having an urge to have sex (basically, have genitals involved) with someone...?

ValentineWiggin
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12 Aug 2011, 5:12 am

Noop wrote:

This has become very confusing all of a sudden...

So, by my understanding, sexual attraction is the feeling of having an urge to have sex (basically, have genitals involved) with someone...?

Sexual attraction is sexual desire oriented toward an individual specifically (Ex: Cindy) or a group of individuals generally (Ex: women),
and sex can be any number of things in addition to genital contact.

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12 Aug 2011, 5:16 am

nick007 wrote:

That could very-well be the case-
the individuals are not necessarily representative of the larger whole,
and when that whole is itself a minority belief/state of being/experience,
we tend to forget that.

Although I still doubt they're actually defining it that way in any great number-
just as if you stumbled on a forum for lesbians, they'd naturally talk about *not* desiring sex with men very casually, as something inherent to the lesbian experience, but that doesn't change that it would be a forum about a (non-majority) sexual attraction.

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12 Aug 2011, 5:35 am

ValentineWiggin wrote:

nick007 wrote:

Yeah. Every time I heard asexual or asexuality mentioned offline & most of the time I heard it online; it was referring to people not wanting sex I am pretty sure that is how the majority uses it & I think using the AVEN definition of not experiencing sexual attraction could confuse people & potentially cause problems sense the majority uses the label a different way. Kind of like how people called me EMO when I wad depressed so I joined a few online EMO forums/social sites & I had lots of problems fitting in because I am individualistic & not into the EMO scene. I don't want to see people lead astray by using the wrong label definition.
Sorry if my earlier post here didn't make much sense or sounded like I was arguing. I was doing other things & I was tired. I just got out the shower so I'm more wide awake & not distracted. I really should go to bed 1ce my hair drys off

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12 Aug 2011, 6:52 am

nick007 wrote:

ValentineWiggin wrote:

nick007 wrote:

Well, the "wrong label definition" isn't whatever is contrary to the majority-
it's whatever's contrary to what the word actually means,
both etymologically, academically, and by the actual group who must live under it.

Your being called "emo" due to depression is precisely the point-
you didn't fit in with them because "emo" is, regardless of how the majority defines it, not an accurate synonym for "depressed".

In a similar vein, people who decide to go vegetarian might when interacting with other vegetarians in the community for the first time be surprised to learn that their fish-eating ain't part of the deal, regardless of the fact that a great number of people, the non-sub culture majority being the only one they've been exposed to, for some strange reason consider fish in keeping with "vegetarianism".

I could give more examples, but I think it a made point- sub-cultures define themselves, indifferently to popular misconceptions as to who they are and what they're about.

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12 Aug 2011, 7:29 am

ValentineWiggin wrote:

Noop wrote:

This has become very confusing all of a sudden...

So, by my understanding, sexual attraction is the feeling of having an urge to have sex (basically, have genitals involved) with someone...?

See, this is what I find confusing. What is sexual desire exactly...? :lol:

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12 Aug 2011, 7:46 am

Noop wrote:

ValentineWiggin wrote:

Noop wrote:

This has become very confusing all of a sudden...

So, by my understanding, sexual attraction is the feeling of having an urge to have sex (basically, have genitals involved) with someone...?

See, this is what I find confusing. What is sexual desire exactly...? :lol:

A want that's sexual in nature?

How else would you describe it?

Noop
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12 Aug 2011, 7:53 am

ValentineWiggin wrote:

Noop wrote:

ValentineWiggin wrote:

Noop wrote:

This has become very confusing all of a sudden...

So, by my understanding, sexual attraction is the feeling of having an urge to have sex (basically, have genitals involved) with someone...?

See, this is what I find confusing. What is sexual desire exactly...? :lol:

A want that's sexual in nature?

How else would you describe it?

I have no idea! I don't know if I've ever felt it or not, which is why it's so puzzling!

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12 Aug 2011, 8:22 am

Noop wrote:

ValentineWiggin wrote:

Noop wrote:

ValentineWiggin wrote:

Noop wrote:

This has become very confusing all of a sudden...

So, by my understanding, sexual attraction is the feeling of having an urge to have sex (basically, have genitals involved) with someone...?

See, this is what I find confusing. What is sexual desire exactly...? :lol:

A want that's sexual in nature?

How else would you describe it?

I have no idea! I don't know if I've ever felt it or not, which is why it's so puzzling!

They usually say "If you have to ask if you've felt it/had one, then you haven't",
about sex. But who knows? :lol:

Noop
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12 Aug 2011, 9:22 am

ValentineWiggin wrote:

Noop wrote:

ValentineWiggin wrote:

Noop wrote:

ValentineWiggin wrote:

Noop wrote:

This has become very confusing all of a sudden...

So, by my understanding, sexual attraction is the feeling of having an urge to have sex (basically, have genitals involved) with someone...?

See, this is what I find confusing. What is sexual desire exactly...? :lol:

A want that's sexual in nature?

How else would you describe it?

I have no idea! I don't know if I've ever felt it or not, which is why it's so puzzling!

They usually say "If you have to ask if you've felt it/had one, then you haven't",
about sex. But who knows? :lol:

The world continues to be a mystifying place... :duh:

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12 Aug 2011, 9:41 am

every one alive on earth now will be dead in 120 years.
their bodies will rot away and turn to organic clay.

in 300 years time, the person who you loved the most in your life will likely have their head filled with mud.

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17 Aug 2011, 12:47 pm

heh, I'm completely different.

I remember trying to become asexual because I thought I would never have sex. I couldn't do it. I think about sex too much lol. Still haven't had sex, but I don't think I'm going to have a particularly low libido by any means :lol:

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