Aspergers and Sexual Harassment

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at one party i danced with a girl for awhile my friends were happy, but she shoved into a corner and punched me....that was weird..i thoughy i was gona be raped xD

I wasn't considered as a creep at younger age. Maybe I couldn't be bothered to sexual interest in girls, since they weren't attractive because of their behaviour. They might be bullies.

Afraid of being called or categorized as a creep, I decided not to start talking with women, but allow them to talk them with me. Some women start talking with me without knowing me, and then it is obvious they don't see me like a creep. But I still don't show sexual interest, even if the women is beautiful and started the conversation, even when she seem to be flirting and hit on me.

Some women are aggressive and are creepy in my eyes, for the same reason that women find some men creepy. It is hard to see what they are up to. They often stare at me which makes me feel uncomfortable. Then I try to ignore them, but I don't want to insult them because of behaviour which may not be rude objectively.

Yeah, I've been seen as a creep. I got kicked out of a movie theater for sitting behind a couple girls one time. I didn't even say anything...I'm just that scary.

Anyway, this is a good instructional video for men to avoid being labeled a creep:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtNWkLIHXUs[/youtube]

I had a friend back in college tell me that I was a bit intimidating since I didn't do the normal coy playful thing, but, yeah, really... I felt the guy liked me, and I liked him and I didn't get why he wouldn't just ask me out, so I asked the friend who told me this.
Really? me? intimidating? ~shrug~ But, even now I still occasionally get this through work, being too deadpan and distracted gives people that impression. ~shrug~

Also, we mentioned the staring in another thread earlier this week. It's happened to me a lot that I will get distracted by the texture of something (sometimes it's a wall or table or pen or something... but, occasionally, it is someone's item of clothing or their hair or skin. ~shrug~ I only realize I've been staring when the guy starts to treat me differently because the thinks I'm into him.
Just happened to me recently, I was in meetings with the same guys for like three days, and two of them were really long-winded, and, I guess I just kept zoning out and ended up staring at the texture of this third guy's hair. ~shrug~ How do you explain that without it being the most completely awkward moment on the planet?
"Hey, S, I get the impression you think I'm into you, but, I'm not. Oh, by the way... can I touch your head?" <- I can't see this playing out comfortably at all. )

I've had some issues with staring in the past so I try to make sure Im not staring at the same person for too long and I try to stare at their eyes(hard one I know)when Iḿ doing it or look for some wall or something around me I can stare at without hearing much complaints.

As for the asking for touching the hair its probably a cultural/age thing, around here if you ask someone politely they probably will let you without asking about your intentions or anything unless you've sent them other creepy signs in the past.
Just so you have an idea the last time I was at my university library a female classmate I had barely talked to was asking for help on a subject, I had nothing better to do so I decided to help her out. After 10 minutes of studying she started playing with my arm hair(without even asking),she eventually stopped.Later on I asked some friends that knew her as well, apparently thats normal in her and none of them saw nothing odd with that behaviour.

Besides that Im asked to take off my glasses once a month by someone I barely know(my iris changes colour depending on the day so some people have trouble figuring out the colour and cant resist the urge to ask). Heck I was once even asked if they could touch my eyelashes(obvious no) because apparently they are quite big and some people cant believe they are that way naturally.

Well, if I asked something politely, I can't imagine being turned down too often, but, 1. I think it sounds weird just asking to do that. 2. I'd be afraid of it being misinterpreted as sexual attraction by him or by other observers. It may be just my situation, as almost all of my friends and coworkers are male, but, ~shrug~.

I would probably have been uncomfortable with someone I barely knew stroking my arm (I know, hypocrite when I want to touch peoples' hair and necks or fingers).

It wasnt a comfortable experience but most girls in my class already avoid me for one reason or another(probably unconscious staring) and since there aren't that many I didn't want to add another one to the list so I decided that if she stopped doing it in less than a minute I would pretend nothing had happened. Haven't talked to her since then and its been a while so Im guessing that theres another one on that list.


I have a tendency to allow almost anything that isnt harmfull to be done to me as long as it stops after a short time if it involves any touching. I somehow went from that awkward guy in the corner to the class clown(did a geeky joke some people laughed somebody else mentioned I should try to become the class clown, I had nothing to lose) and I realized that most people treat you in a nicer way if you allow some small things to happen every now and then instead of displaying "coldness".
(Im aware that I shouldnt care about what others think of me but this was one of the main things that stopped several years of bullying at school so Im sticking to it until I have some trouble because of it).

I don't ask for anything similar to anyone. The other day my sister started asking me to stroke her hair(apparently it felt like some sort of massage)and I had to stop every minute because it felt odd.

I tend to be pretty 'just go with it' myself, but, will extract myself if there is too much closeness going on with people I don't know that well.

Uh, as an aside... I LOVE having my hair stroked or brushed or teased. If you've ever had a good neck massage, it is a very similar sensation... tingly and warm and relaxing.
Unfortunately, my husband doesn't not feel at all inclined to indulge me in this.
He is also weirded out by my long hugs, but, at least he indulges me in that.

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Last edited by smudge on 25 Aug 2011, 9:11 am, edited 2 times in total.

I have been labeled as a creeper, stalker, harasser, etc many times. A friend of mine with more severe AS has actually had the campus cops called on him for it, thankfully not charged with anybody or kicked out of school.

Basically I can come off as a stalker because I can have extreme difficulty in chatting a girl I might like so as a teen I'd write love letters to put in lockers (and they were pretty tame), you can imagine what happened. I was in the principal's office for "sexual harassment" several times but since it was pretty tame stuff (that in other schools probably wouldn't even be such, and it was partly because it came from me not actually what I said/did) I didn't really get in trouble for it per say..

I think a lot of people, especially guys, are unfairly branded "a creep".

Sadly though "creepy" behaviour is often aspie traits. Also, if you FEEL creepy that vibe does radiate. I used to feel creepy and ugly as a teenager. I've been called creepy a lot in my life, mainly for saying and doing the wrong thing, and not speaking up enough.

The epitome of the word "creepy" is pretty much a feeling which makes someone feel uncomfortable. And as a lot of teenage girls feel uncomfortable when some random guy looks at then or goes near them, he gets labelled a creep.

It's not very nice for the person being labelled a creep simply because they're unattractive to people calling them a creep.

Creepy behaviour is also quiet behaviour. As "creeping" means moving silently. For a lot of us that means us - as we aren't loud and obnoxious.

Loud obnoxious men aren't creepy, simply because they are not quiet. If you're loud you aren't the definition of creepy (quiet). They're just loud and annoying.

These days though its used for anyone who makes someone uncomfortable.

This is where the double standard comes in. If the high school jock did that they wouldn't care. They only don't like it when its someone they find unattractive or weird doing it.

Also high school kids are VERY judgemental. When I was in highschool, I was no way popular, but there were still "creepy" kids I wouldn't go near. It's a self insecurity thing more than anything, the fault of the person with the problem and not that of the "creep". I grew out of it. Many do.

During my youth I was considered as a harasser or as a creepy person. When I grew up, it is less of a creepiness. People also call me gay, asexual and sexually indifferent towards women (i.e. showing no sexual interest). Problem is: when I do show sexual interest, it could be interpreted as intimidating and sexually unattractive.

As I wrote in a different post: if women are interested they should talk with me, and convince me (albeit physicially) that they are attracted. Without that, I think they are not. When I show interest initially, things can go wrong, which can be a turn-off for women.

The worst thing is when other people, presumably normal, peg you as a creep and bait you into doing creepy things, just so they can tell everyone you are a creep and slander and ridicule you. One moment they act like they love your creepy behavior then they decide to tell everyone that you are someone to be avoided at all costs and that you have sexually assaulted them on many occasions.

When I was little I knew far too many girls who would do this to me. They nurtured my inappropriate sense of humor with cute giggles and exaggerated funny faces while we were relatively alone, but when we were around more people they would respond totally opposite and attempt to get me in trouble with teachers and other people in charge. I had to stop associating with those people and never even try again all though school. Once in a while I would meet someone who was exceptionally skilled at causing the behavior and it would all happen over again.

My conclusion agrees with the OP that it's easy for supposedly normal people to make people with AS act in predictable patterns and even shape our behaviors in order to label us as damaged goods or creepy or an easy target or pretty much anything. It is incredibly confusing and bewildering, but the diagnosis of AS tends to reverse all of that. It exposes those people as the predators they are.

Therefore, a situation in which a woman is interested and therefore initiates talking with me, completely differs from a situation where I decide to strike up a conversation with a woman. The second situation is riskful.

And this is also the reason that having sex with an escort or a prostitute is way easier than sex with other women. It is mainly their behaviour and the thinking patterns of people in general that causes me to think as I think.

Yes, this happened to me in high school... I really liked this girl and sent her anonymous gifts and such, and it did not go over so well. I solved the problem by having the school psychologist talk to her and everything was fine. But I wasn't surprised to read in Tony Attwood's book that male Aspies coming across as "stalkers" is very common.

As has been stated by previous posts in this thread, I think girls have a slight advantage in this particular area of concern. They can exhibit this behavior and not come off as "stalkerish." When a guy does it though the perception is much different. But I can imagine that a lot of female Aspies have a problem with being used and taken advantage of.

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