Aspie Friend/bf is being dishonest

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You can be very severely autistic and still act like an absolute twat. You're making excuses for a twat.

Another Homewrecker (or relationshipwrecker since they're not married...but well, the difference between marriage and 2 lovers living together is just a matter of paper).




Seriously, homewreckers league, you are casting your final doom-day judgement on the man based on one incident and on one story.


Graelwyn , I suggest you to edit your OP, delete it and just take my advice.

She's posted threads about this man and him acting like a twat a few times before. Which is why I said what I said.

But he genuinely does not seem to comprehend when I react with upset or anger to the things he does, which surely, if he were deliberately manipulating, he would ? When I react to things he does, he reacts in a way that suggests to me he is unaware of why his actions or words affect me, in the sense that he stops eating properly, drinks more and becomes silent.

It is easy to suggest to dump his ass, but it is easier said than done when you have strong feelings for someone and when you have seen a very positive and generous side of them. It is not even about my being lonely, as I can get by just fine alone, it is because I see things in him I genuinely like and find positive, such as the fact he cleans my home without being asked, runs to offer to do the washing up, sorts out anything that needs fixing in my place, even a sewage leak and has cooked me food when I have been too out of it or tired to do so myself. He gave me a sheet when he saw I had none on my bed, brings me eggs from farms and videos when he goes to his car boot sales and others have told me that the fact he does these things, suggests that at some level, he cares and is decent.


Blunnet - I wish dearly, that I did have his side, as I honestly do not know what is going on in his head. He never tells me he is upset by any of my own issues or my obsession with my weight etc, so I assumed that he does not care about those things. I'd not have got angry with him for burning my weight tickets if he had simply admitted it and said why he did it. The same with my nicotine replacement thing.

People often vent about the negatives and not the positives.

And I think she knows him better than you.

Lie and error are not the same thing. As I stated earlier, once you suspect something you need to confirm it, if you suspect your partner is doing something, the spy camera looks a good idea to prove your suspicious to yourself and confront the perpetrator.

Not necessarily; he could know very well what he is doing but is deliberately feigning ignorance. If you've told him about his behaviour before, told him to stop and he hasn't, this is a big black mark. Fact is, you deserve better.



If he can't understand you and doesn't change, or doesn't have any understanding, I'm not sure I'd want to be with someone like that. It's a recipe for disaster. Communication is very important in a relationship.



In which case you have to decide if you're willing to put up with it. I can't make the decision for you. If you're willing to continue, do so.

Yes, and I think that's fair enough.

This man knows that the OP has mental health problems and if he is moving things deliberately that indicates that he is trying to induce mental illness. Not good and I wouldn't care what his excuses are, that isn't a healthy mental environment in which to live.

I don't like people touching my things. My exhusband would move my things if he decided they should be someplace else or if he decided they were in his way somehow. Then I couldn't find my things and he'd yell at me for being mad about that. I do like that my things stay exactly where I put them and I have control and consistency in my universe.

I know that you stated that he smokes, now done's he have a weight issue?
If he done's then he might be displacing his feelings about his own weight and smoking on to you.

Right I feel it would be best that you confront him about his behaviour and how you feel about it

From what I can tell it sounds like he'll just start doing something else.

Yes, I am the same way and was this way as a child.
I get very agitated if I put something down, and then it vanishes and I am left wondering if I am going mad and left it somewhere else.

What mental health issues do you refer to ?
I have depression, (which at one point they diagnosed as bipolar, but then changed their minds), OCD, social anxiety and issues with self harming when I meltdown.

As far as I know, he does not have a weight issue, he usually eats a big meal a day, but then he often goes all day without eating too.
He is very thin, but has always been this way.

Smoking wise, he jokingly keeps asking me why I don't stop him smoking.

He might stop once he become aware of what he is doing.
If that is so then the other options are couples counselling and/or ending the relationship.

He don't know what he is thinking and feeling, only he knowns that and needs to share that honestly with Grelwyn to keep the relationship he was with her.

I guess it would all depend on how much his immature behavior bothers you. I would have never left my exhusband over his inconsiderate treatment of my property but I do enjoy the absence of that inconsideration now that we're divorced. Have you tried talking to him about it? Drop everything he's done so far since he insists on denying responsibility and tell him what is important to you about your home. Maybe he'll just quit doing things or maybe he'll open up and say somethings that make some sense as to why he's been doing crazy things. I don't think spying on him will solve anything. You will get evidence of his wrongdoing but at what price? Many people, even lying boyfriends, would consider that an unforgivable betrayal and breech of trust.