The non-pursuer type.

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I don't pursue. I go up to them, tell them I find them attractive/interesting and would like to get to know them better and then I give them my phone number.

If they call they're interested. If they don't then they don't. That way I dont lose my time chasing a lost cause and she doesn't get harassed by a guy.

of course, to date this hasn't worked once but I stick to the principle of it.

But wouldn't it be stupid to stick to a principle that is not working?

It is simple, Dantac doesn't want to be known as a harasser.

I don't even go that far. If women don't initiate a talk with me, they are not interested. And if they talk, they have to spell it out for me. I am not going to bother women who are not interested.

You're single too, aren't you...

Yes, that is true.

I sincerely hope that guys don't interpret women who start conversations as being "interested". I'd be in deep s**t

anyway though I'm sure a lot of them might actually be interested but just too shy to initiate, hans. or maybe they're old-fashioned and believe that it's the man that should initiate. it's not a very reliable indicator of someone's interest I reckon.

Women who start conversations are not interested per se. They at least don't see me as a creep. It is the other way around. If they are interested they should intiate a conversation. Waiting until I initiate conversations won't work, because that could mean that my behaviour is unwanted, scary, harassing or whatever.


An interested woman can be shy, but I cannot rely on them. If a shy woman is interested, maybe a friend of hers can help them by talking with me about her. I have made a lot of mistakes in the past. Still: I interpret intested women as just friendly, and friendly women as interested. I never get this right.

OP your scenario seems to me like a classic romance novel. I think what many of us don't realize is that there are many subtle signs that she really is into him, but she is playing hard to get to test him. He can read these signals and knows to continue to pursue if he has the stamina for such a courtship ritual. This assures her that he will be a partner with sufficient drive to succeed in life even if he isn't successful yet.

For a shy person there are only two ways to get a relationship. Being set-up and pursued, or wading through large groups of people, waiting.
You can increase your chances of a relationship by a thousand if you just strike up a conversation with someone. If they are the type of person you like, get more serious.

I'm not shy, but I never stop shaking around a person for a week straight until I'm comfortable, and I have to take an hour nap after a short drive. It's pretty much the same thing as being shy. You need to have a great support base of family or friends who push you into meeting people. I don't have that.

The alternative is to constantly wander around staring the attractive-others directly in the eyes as you pass, while maintaining a collision free path ahead of you. It dares them to approach you. If the other person thinks you're a creep, nothing usually comes of it, painless and risk free dating advice.

I never pursued a girl and I don't think I'll, considering my current state of acceptance concerning my way above average weirdness. I'm not really happy about it, but I can't imagine myself in a working relationship. Ever.

I guess the same happened to me...

...but I'm still working on that part,

That's the sort of advice that actually helps.


The problem is just "reading those signals"...

Yeah, me neither, unfortunately. And I don't blame them for that, my friends and family by now have their own families to care about...

Looks that (almost?) everyone thinks I'm a creep, unfortunately...

I take any kind of rejection as the person wanting nothing to do with me, and stop right away.

This is why a lot of bullies didn't get anywhere with me in school. They noticed I just stopped trying to be friends with them straight away.