Theory of Mind and Understanding the Opposite Sex

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I suggest people try to improve their Theory of Mind skills and now I'm causing sexism? Today I'm getting it from all sides.

ValentineWiggin: blueroses is only attempting to find a solution to one of this sections main problems, if you have any different suggestion they are more than welcome and the same applies to any other member(as long as this suggestions arent against the rules/tos).

With the exception of the fact that I don't understand why teen aged boys yell stupid things out car windows to pedestrians, I understand men just fine. NT men and men with AS.

I'll try to help you out, or take some of the heat anyways .

A few of the books off the top of my head that have really helped my recent journey with my second wife are,

The Way of the Superior Manby David Deida - This book really helped me understand some of the idiosyncracies of masculine/feminine relationshiops, but it's biggest impact was helping me realize how much I need to find and follow my purpose, and that I was avoiding responsibility that comes with having a purpose (even if that purpose may seem selfish and narrow)

Endgame by Leigh Louey-Gung - this book truly started my journey and helped me realize that my relationship problems were deeper than not being able to get the girl (which in my case was my wife).

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle - learning presence has really helped me be conscious of being stuck in my head and learning to center myself centering myself. But be careful not get stuck expecting presence to fix your problem, presence is only a starting point form which you act.

I am sure there is more, but quickly off the top of my head these have really helped me start my journey. I do not consider them comprehensive, but can definitely help change your perspective. I have and am still learning many things that I would be willing to share if you like.

With all due respect, that's ridiculous.

If I recall right, you told me once that there's a world of difference between men and women, not just the genitalia.


Women and men are naturally different, and differences naturally create misunderstandings and conflicts in some situations and under some circumstances.

That's why countries with more than 1 sect are more likely to have civil wars and civil conflicts, that's why schools with different races are morel likely to have cases of racist bullying.

And that's why people wrote books about women vs men , they're trying to fill the holes of differences between the two gender.

The difference is real, it's biological on all levels (even the brains), not just someone's imagination.

Tsk tsk.... bad ...bad blueroses!!

My answer to this is to make friends with the opposite sex. It's bound to teach you a lot of things, but only if they're fairly honest.

I've found a handful of men in my life who are honest enough to give me feedback on what I'm like with people. I think having that teaches you far more than any book will...although, books have helped me.

I don't want to speak for her, but I sort of understand what she's saying...I've come to a similar conclusion in dealing with relationships. Let me explain:

Sexism at its root is about power -- who has it and who doesn't. Because of that struggle, there have been discredited, nefarious attempts to place women in certain roles and men in others based on 'their differences and what they're good at'.

Yes, differences exist, and there have been any number of reputable studies and books that point out these differences. But these sources don't then attempt to' put women in their place', as the saying goes.

In this context, generalizations only help so much with regard to relationships...maybe 25%? Just a guess. If you're then spending all your effort understanding the 25%, you never solve the other 75% of the issues. That 75% is based in the individual. Not only that, if you attempt to only act on the 25% that you know, you're filtering out a whole lot of people who might not fit those generalizations.

So yes, understand a bit of the generalizations, but most effort should be focused on developing yourself and understanding the individual you may be interested in.

I can't speak for anyone but myself, but I have been thinking a lot about communication between myself and members of the opposite sex and the areas in which I am misunderstood. I'm not sure if this misunderstanding is due to me thinking/behaving differently than your average girl or if there's something about the way I convey myself that causes it.

The core of it all seems to be my innocent need to understand things or state facts as I see them. This is usually taken as me fishing for compliments or something deeper. Like I must have some deeper motive for what I am saying when I'm being completely straight-forward. Part of this may have to do with my pension for using as little words as possible. I used to explain myself until people told me to shut up, so I developed ways of getting my point across more efficiently. I found this to be beneficial in many ways, but it appears it's been hindering me in other areas.

My poetic mind does me in.

which is why i'm not sharing the names of the two books that have helped me understand basic personality types and understanding how people love and show affection. They have no gender specific elements in them but you can bet somebody will find a problem with them and imply i'm a fascist for it lol.

I think i do get misunderstood a little by the opposite sex but i'll work it out. I'm not interested in that many girls so i've not had very much practice with the romantic aspect. It's just getting past the initial part really, but how long does that last? I just need to be given a chance, a real chance.

For just making friends i have no problem making friends with girls, at least in a work enviroment, if anything i find them a lot more understanding. I remember that when i first started talking to this one girl at work she seemed a little apprehensive but she soon got around that. She was gay so im assuming her first thought was that i was trying it on, as soon as she worked out that i wasn't we were fine. I went to a fair with her and her (all lesbian) friends and they got me to go to a barbeque once and then a gay nightclub after where they vouched for me so i could get in. I think she was trying to make friends with me but i didn't really understand at the time. I feel a little guilty now for being so unresponsive to someones clear efforts to include me. It has to say something that a bunch of girls with obvious male dislike issues could be so comfortable with me though, i just treated her how i'd treat anyone and things worked out fine.

It might be because the average girl I have run into does pull all kind of things from what you say. I was infinitely perplexed at how my first wife could assume so many things from what I said. And I had no idea how convey myself in a way she would understand. Luckily my current wife tends to be pretty straight forward and accept what I say as it is, so I do not that specific problem. Perhaps a lot of guys, especially NT guys, assume this game is going on and don't understand that a girl might simply mean what she says.

Would you like material like this:


http://pickuppodcast.com/2008/12/01/why ... t-men-say/

It is just one person's perspective. I will post some podcasts tomorrow that may enrichen your pool of resources

Interesting. I admit, I do often read too much into what others say. So, even though I'm straightforward, I assume others are not. I think this may have hindered me as well.

Edit...

I was just thinking about a past friendship I had over the internet that ended a few months ago. This guy would send me lots of music videos. To me, they were just songs and I would sometimes post them on my FB. One day, he asked me why I was posting them. Like there had to be some deeper meaning as to why I was sharing music he had shared with me privately.

He also had a tendency to try and link the songs I posted to my moods and conversations we had been having, when there was no connection.