wish i could get a GF without any work at all, like most NTs

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I don't think it's shallow to make yourself look nicer. Many other creatures in the animal kingdom do similar things to attract a mate, like those birds who run around collecting blue things (peacocks? not sure) to surround themselves with. Likewise, people are attracted to good-looking people. I think there was even a study done once that showed that babies found attractive people easier to be with.

Also, there is a definite distinction between making yourself look nice, and making yourself look like a Barbie doll. I don't condone the latter, but I think that those who simply make an effort to look nice shouldn't be frowned upon.

Yeah, I wasn't frowning, I just have a preference for women who are comfortable the natural look. I suppose I attribute a more accepting attutide to these women.

Confidence, looks, whatever...
What I'm always confused about, and the thing that no one have been able to answer me to this day, is:
How do they know that they are a couple?
When is this magic moment? How do they know? Is there some secret sign I'm simply not aware of, or something they say, or do?
Whenever someone I know informs me that "I'm together with her now", I always ask them "How do you know?", and they can never answer.
Is it some kind of secret agreement or something? Telepathy? Or do they actually say it out loud?
How would I know if someone's definitely interested in me? How would I show my definite interest in someone?

facebook relationship status.

I don't believe in it. I believe that's one of those NT lies they just have to use. Coupling is a fraud. There isn't someone "special" out there for anybody.

Beats the hell outta me.

That's funny but so true. Otherwise you just have to wait for the dreaded "status of our relationship" talk...or hope the guy eventually introduces you to someone as "my girlfriend..."

You do realise that many NTs have just as many problems with this stuff as us, defining relationship status is no hard and fast thing, NTs will lose sleep trying to figure out whether they are in a proper relationship as well and argue with their friends about definitions and so on as well. The TV show Seinfeld is build around those sort of inane unwritten social rules, it is probably a good program to watch if you are AS, you can learn a lot about weird social rules, and you get to see that NTs have just as much trouble defining them as we do. Of course they can fall back on gut instinct, we usually have to stick with using logic.

I don't know how to make girls know I'm interested in them. I'm always nice and giving compliments to them but all I get in return are just thank yous and very rarely hugs while I see other guys win them over. I don't understand it at all. This is why I can't gain any confidence or self esteem.

That's something I'm struggling with right now. Back in the "odd dilema" post, I talked about dating a (possibly AS) girl. I still don't know if she considers (or is even willing to consider) us as a couple. I mean we haven't gone throgh any of the NT-style open flirtations that I would expect (have not even kissed yet)... but I definitely still like her and she seems to still like me.

It's often hard for NTs too. Actually a surprising amount of NT relationships are quite meaningless though... it's easy enough to get a GF/BF, but that doesn't mean it's the real thing.

It was easy for me to find a husband, but it wasn't love... he wasn't 'The One'. It was easy to leave. But with my Aspie partner the first few years were incredibly difficult due to communication problems (we didn't know he was Aspie then). But he is The One, so it was worth working at. This relationship is forever.

What I'm trying to say is, if you meet someone who's prepared to work through the inevitable issues of AS/AS or AS/NT relationships, to stick it out until a mutual understanding is reached, then that person is The One. Anyone who would be prepared to come here and say 'I want a relationship with someone who has AS and I'm here to find out all about it' is the kind of partner you want. The other kind of relationships just aren't worth the bother.