My boyfriend may have Aspergers, what should I do?

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Yeah sorry for the second post but I didn't want to edit my previous one into something even longer.

The more I think about it the more it seems this must be the case with your boyfriend.

He's willing to marry you cause he loves you but the part of him that needs non-romantic time and since it can't get it uses non-romantic behavior with you instead like saying you can go buy the ring yourself.

Basically to explain further I always used to think I'd have to need time to myself to not be the focus of anything and not... I don't know but the thought of unending what's the word definition as someone's lovah or girlfriend or what not made me want to throw up. Trapped-feeling and just completely sickened. Even though I also wanted to be close to someone. I would read posts on here about people who were married and would wonder how the hell someone "like me" had happily settled into such a constricting arrangement.

I don't know, this is making me think maybe I have to get off my dumb medicine if it's changed me so fundamentally. I used to think more like a guy with regard to relationships definitely if not a very independent guy and I think my former self would be disgusted with my current self.

Anyway I know this seems like it's not helping you but I think maybe what you need is... a Helena Bonham Carter/what's-his-name arrangement what with different houses or something. Or more time apart. Which I know probably doesn't sound appealing to you but. I don't know, I wish I knew what to say but if he's willing to marry you he loves you it would seem.

i'm sorry you feel that way, and I definitely think there is nothing wrong with wanting that alone time. We all need it.
I personally don't need the romance or lovey dovey time as much as you think, but it is definitely important to be showing it at the right time (and the right place).

I have tried talking to BF about having our own separate place. I figured that was our problem at one stage and the idea was knocked back quickly. He did move out at one stage after things got really bad for about 2 weeks, but didn't enjoy his living arrangements and came back... This idea was brought up again recently as I find that he had fallen back into 'routine' but it was either move out and break up or we try again... It seems like he needs constant reminding of his behaviour and shapes up for a little while and slips back into old habits and almost absorbed into his own little zone... it's a bit strange to describe. He's almost like 2 diff. person sometimes...

Okay, I want to start off by saying that I don't even know if I have aspergers or anything like that or not, but I'm fairly certain. I've never been diagnosed. It was never suggested there was anything "wrong" with my brain, but over the years I've learned that apparently I can't say anything without pissing people off, I don't really like social situations and whatnot, and there were some other similarities I see between myself and others who definitely ARE aspies. So I could be totally wrong, who knows? Either way, I wanted to comment on a few things in this thread...

While your boyfriend may very well be just a jerk, I'm reluctant to honestly believe that's the case. I can see where he's coming from with the presents/ring thing, to an extent. I'm not at all surprised that those two things bother you, and you have every right to be bothered. However, I know that for me, I personally hate buying gifts. I don't hate the very act of buying a gift for someone I care about; I definitely have the desire to get the gift, but the problem is I NEVER know what to get. It's something that bothers me a great deal and causes me lots of mental anguish to the point that I would honestly rather just give money, let the person pick out what they want, or just say screw it and forget the gift thing altogether. Maybe his issue with the gifts/ring is that he wants to get you something he knows you'll like, but he doesn't really know exactly what that is, and he's afraid of upsetting/disappointing you by giving you a "bad" gift. Maybe he'd rather have you pick it out so he's sure it's what you want.

Same with the ring... A lot of people these days are shallow as hell. I remember a few years ago my ex's one friend got engaged, and shortly afterwards, I heard her complaining about the size of the diamond on the ring, which infuriated me. Here's this guy who loves you so much that he wants to spend his life with you, and you have the nerve to complain that the diamond isn't big enough? God, what a b***h. I feel bad for the guy. I would NEVER want to be with someone like that. I've heard girls complain about the amount of money spent on their rings too. So maybe he's anxious about you possibly being disappointed with it. Maybe he feels as though you're rushing things or forcing it on him. I suggest this because usually the guy goes and gets the ring and then tries to surprise the girl with the ring. I really don't know for sure; there's no way I could.

I can relate to drinking to be in social situations sometimes too, except with me, I replace alcohol with a certain green herb. I don't necessarily feel uncomfortable in social situations(depends on the amount of people, how well I know them, and what kind of people they are), but a lot of times, even talking with old friends I've known for years, I do a lot more listening and observing than talking simply because I don't feel I have anything to add to the conversation, I'm just not sure what to say, or I'm deep in my own thoughts at the time.

As for the 4WD and dog... I'll sometimes be like that with hobbies too. I'll pick one up and become totally obsessed with and immersed in the hobby almost immediately after picking it up. I try not to alienate or ignore people important to me, but it definitely happens sometimes because I just can't learn enough about certain things.

Now not taking you to the airport, that's just silly to me. The glass of water thing is also silly, for sure, but at the same time, I don't know the entire situation. Did he just lie down to go to sleep at the time? Is this something you deal with often? If so, couldn't you just put the glass of water on your side of the bed or switch sides or something?

And as for not being romantic at all... Well, neither am I. To be honest, the word romantic doesn't mean much to me. Like I have no concept of what romantic even is beyond stereotypical things like long walks on the beach, giving flowers, and candle lit dinners, most of which just feel awkward as all hell to me. So, I don't generally do "romantic" things. I'm a very loving, caring, sensitive person. I'm just very uncomfortable with "romantic."

Please don't take any of this the wrong way, I'm not trying to make excuses for your boyfriend or suggest that it's okay for him to be a jerk or whatever. All I'm trying to do is offer up a different perspective and possible explanations as to why he does some of these things. Again, I don't know if I'm an aspie or not, and I couldn't tell you if he is or not either, but I can definitely see some possible similarities between your boyfriend and I.

i've been with my fiance for 3 years and it's getting to the point where it's too much for me to handle and deal with. He isn't diagnosed but a lot of his symptoms show that he has some Asperger's.
For one, if i talk about something that happened in my day that upset me, he would talk about another situation which has nothing to do with how I am feel, it's his way of trying to understand it but it makes it very lonely for me cause in the end i just talk to my parents deal with it myself. I am constantly saying to him "what does that have to do with what I am talking about" and he has no answer for it.
The other factor is he hates loud noises and if there's some clanging of pots and pans or dishes he has to leave the room cause he says it stresses him out.
The other more annoying factor is that he is obsessed with this website of his, he talks about it 24/7, imagine 3 years of this, it's all he talks about, he is putting all his money and time into and not earning anything from it. He is unemployed so it's even worse now cause he wants to create a youtube show and he is obsessing over that too.
The other factor is that if i am upset or distant if i am not looking he will log into my facebook to see what i'm saying to my mom about him or anything in general, HUGE invasion of trust and privacy, he feels he is in the right to get away with it cause I am keeping things inside and not telling him about situations. And if i get phone calls and i am not around he will then reverse look up that phone number, ugh, I want to break up with him, i can't spend my life with someone like this, but his dad says for me to hold on until he his finished his university course which thankfully he will be done next month, but if i don't see any improvement and his website is too much, then I am gone, it's either his website or me, he has to choose.

This post is offensive. Why would your bfs annoying behavior justify that he's autistic? I noticed you didn't list any other symptoms he has like whether he has good eye contact or not. Here's the bottom line-your bf is a prick. I hope you can understand that.