Help! NT cnfused about AS

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Joined: 6 Sep 2006
Age: 136
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,911
Location: Mount Herculaneum/England

15 Sep 2006, 6:27 pm

Man this brings back bad memories.
I liked a girl at school really much, wasn't sure whether or not she liked me back. I went too far by telling one person too much. They went and told everyone, making me really embarrassed and depressed. Anyway, the girl started avoiding and ignoring me in a subtle way. She was sure acting wierd. I guess that I was misinterpreting her actions. I'm really ticked off with her for not pointing out that she had no interest in me in the first place, or whatever she was thinking. When she did it, she simply took up a policy of ignoring me. I don't blame her though.
I guess it was a case of me totally overestimating what kind of person she was in the first place. Misinformation and delusion really.

I don't even trust my best friends very much. Oh well.

ashleemitchell
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Joined: 12 Sep 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 8
Location: Canada

17 Sep 2006, 12:11 pm

Oh, that's awful. I'm so sorry Anu. I know what I did was wrong and I've apologised to Chris. I love being around him. I'm sick right now but I'm still excited to share that Chris and I are talking again. I hung out with him and a group of friends Friday and Saturday. He really opens up to me if I talk about or show interest in the things I know he's interested in, like computers, singing and this online forum thing he participates in. So, I take it as a good sign that things are smoothing over. I even mentioned WP to him last night and he's thinking about joining if he hasn't already. Which means I'll get to talk to him even more, YAY!

sigholdaccountlost
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23 Sep 2006, 6:15 pm

Look, Betazoids and Aspies are at opposite ends. As a general guideline, most don't mind talking about it, ONCE YOU HAVE GAINED THEIR TRUST, (not as easy as it sounds due to negative experiences) but I would imagine you have to ask.

Rocker82
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 5 Mar 2009
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 64

07 Mar 2009, 9:22 pm

For me with AS,I feel discriminated by NT women for the way I am.I listen to hard rock/heavy metal music,huge fan of the Japanese anime series Dragonball(original,Z,and GT),collecting Transformers and GI Joe action figures.A friend of mine told that the women who I approach,don't understand me.I do believe what he is saying,but the only way a woman can understand me is the one who is majoring psychology,and reads more about Asperger's syndrome.

TheMidnightJudge
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07 Mar 2009, 11:08 pm

Now I don't know this guy, but I can only relate my personal experience. When a girl I liked (she liked me a lot) wouldn't date me, I set it in my mind as a scientific law that she would never date me (reasons behind that are complicated). Anyway, later on she tried to start something with me, but even though her signs may have been obvious to most people, I missed them because I had set the rule in my mind.
My point is be direct, very direct. I know all too well it isn't romantic enough to be direct. But just make sure he knows your intentions. Even if it's brief, just something that can only be interpreted one way.

If your heart is true, than I wish you success.

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Glencannon
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Joined: 22 Jan 2008
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08 Mar 2009, 1:49 am

[quote="ashleemitchell" I was peer pressured into breaking it off with him over the phone by some of my NT friends and really hurt him.[/quote]

I'm curious as to why your friends pressured you to break up with him? What was thier reasoning?

makuranososhi
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08 Mar 2009, 2:15 am

...this thread originates from 2006. Someone resurrected it - let it die.

M.

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cman_yall
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Joined: 9 Oct 2006
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08 Mar 2009, 2:21 am

makuranososhi wrote:

...this thread originates from 2006. Someone resurrected it - let it die.
M.

But not before someone tells us how it all ended... maybe they lived happily ever after? Probably not, but it's nice to hope...

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sharlyn
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Joined: 10 Feb 2009
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28 Mar 2009, 8:52 am

ashleemitchell wrote:

I don't know what to look for and stuff. For example, I treated Chris like I would any other person but was told I was wrong for doing that, that because of his 'condition'[as a lot of people put it, even his mom] I was wrong for treating him, and responding to him like I would any NT. .

You definitely cannot talk to an aspie like an NT

Go to Amazon and look for books on Asperger's love/dating/relationships etc.
Like 'The other half of Asperger's' by Maxine Aston or 'Asperger's love, sex and long term relationships' by Sarah Hendrickx. There are other's.

It has totally helped me with understanding and communicationg with my male aspie friend.

makuranososhi
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28 Mar 2009, 10:50 am

cman_yall wrote:

makuranososhi wrote:

...this thread originates from 2006. Someone resurrected it - let it die.
M.

But not before someone tells us how it all ended... maybe they lived happily ever after? Probably not, but it's nice to hope...

Original poster has not been on this site in 30 months; there are no answers forthcoming.

M.

CJBinks
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28 Mar 2009, 8:05 pm

ashleemitchell wrote:

I appreciate the help though. And I love this website. I find it so much better to navigate and get direct answers to my questions of whta to look for or possible things to look for. I understand why my relationship with Chris was complicated a bit more now and quite frankly feel guilty. I tried to blame him, but the way he acted wasn't his fault. It was just who he was. I always thought that by him never saying 'please' or 'thank you' or other related and inappropriate things he does was just because he was an ass not that it could hav eto do with his AS. I should have been more patient. I'm curious to know if people with AS mind being asked about or to talk about AS. Like Chris for example, I'm curious to know how much differently AS affects him, ect but I'm concerned I might offend him or hurt him, which I most definitely don't want to do again.

If I reply again by saying things I noticed with him, like reactions, interactions, ect if that would help anyone looking to help me understand him better and how to react or judge what he's thinking or feeling or trying to express better.

It all depends on what his experiences have been. Look at the forums, many here will talk about the damnedest things. But he might not be able to put things in terms you can understand. NT's especially females, seem to think that you have to have feelings about everything. To many aspies, the question "how did it make you feel?" is not one with a ready answer unless it the situation has strong, identifiable emotional content. So if you ask that question and get a shrug with an "I don't know", he probably isn't being evasive. Consider the possibility that he actually doesn't know.

TheLonelyGamer
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29 Mar 2009, 5:53 pm

ashleemitchell wrote:

I don't get how people meet and are friends after 5 mins either. And the reaosn why I came here was because no matter how much online research or just plain talking to people I do, I still haven't grasped the whole idea of what it means to have AS and how it affects people, or him. I don't know what to look for and stuff. For example, I treated Chris like I would any other person but was told I was wrong for doing that, that because of his 'condition'[as a lot of people put it, even his mom] I was wrong for treating him, and responding to him like I would any NT. I just wish I knew what I feel like I'm missing. I don't want to make a big deal out of nothing but I also don't want to miss anything important. I might not be dating Chris anymore[even though we still harbour feelings for each other], but I'm still his friend.

Well if you where treating him like a NT if I was him I would think you thought of me as a regular person maybe thats how he feels like finally someone doesnt see more for my weaknesses but for who I really am. But in the end you gave into your so called friend and probly changed his thoughts about you completely and defiently give him time and see if he still likes you but remember you burned him and he may not think of you as the same person now.

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Butterflair
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29 Mar 2009, 6:25 pm

TheLonelyGamer -
Your avatar hurts my eyes and it could possibly cause seizures in for anyone who has epilepsy. You might want to change that as a courtesy.

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