Boyfriend left me at the mall by myself

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starryeyedvoyager
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26 Sep 2011, 6:57 am

Question is: does your boyfriend know that you have to Asperger's? If so, it is not only insensitive, it is outright cruel to leave you in a situation he's got to know is something you cannot handle alone. I know how you feel, being alone in a mall makes me really nervous and edgy, too, and even though I like being by myself, when going to the mall, or shopping in general, I do like to have company so I feel a little bit... more secure.

If, however, he does not know about your Asperger's, or if he does but does not know how stressful such a situation is for you, explain it to him, I am sure he'll understand.



hale_bopp
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26 Sep 2011, 8:07 am

Yikes, that's not cool. Young guys though. I wouldn't be too offended.



number2
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26 Sep 2011, 4:20 pm

anneurysm wrote:
Your so-called "boyfriend" is a jerk! If you are hanging out with someone and then suddenly switch plans like that, they are not worth keeping around. No wonder you had a meltdown :( I'm so sorry!


Yeah I agree with you anne, @ OP ditch that as*hole. cuz he seems like a dick that would do something similiar all over again then make up a bunch of BS to get to sleep with you again.
And the post that made me lol was the post above. I should of made that more clear.



The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Sep 2011, 4:23 pm

He's quite the gentleman.



number2
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26 Sep 2011, 5:17 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
He's quite the gentleman.


I won't even say that sarcastically because the guy was a f*****g douche bag for what he did to a fellow aspie.



The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Sep 2011, 5:19 pm

number2 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
He's quite the gentleman.


I won't even say that sarcastically because the guy was a f***ing douche bag for what he did to a fellow aspie.


Yea, let's hang the 14-15 years old evil boy.



anneurysm
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26 Sep 2011, 5:38 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
number2 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
He's quite the gentleman.


I won't even say that sarcastically because the guy was a f***ing douche bag for what he did to a fellow aspie.


Yea, let's hang the 14-15 years old evil boy.


Bahahaha. There may be a possibily that the guy was an apsie himself though. I know a few people on the spectrum who I have gone on outings with and they have gone running off instead of staying with me. It was so frustrating.


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Given a “tentative” diagnosis as a child as I needed services at school for what was later correctly discovered to be a major anxiety disorder.

This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term therapists - that I am an anxious and highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder.

My diagnoses - social anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.


League_Girl
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26 Sep 2011, 5:48 pm

anneurysm wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
number2 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
He's quite the gentleman.


I won't even say that sarcastically because the guy was a f***ing douche bag for what he did to a fellow aspie.


Yea, let's hang the 14-15 years old evil boy.


Bahahaha. There may be a possibily that the guy was an apsie himself though. I know a few people on the spectrum who I have gone on outings with and they have gone running off instead of staying with me. It was so frustrating.


I do this all the time. My husband told me when we first met, we walk into Borders and I just leave him there and do my own thing. I don't mean I literally left the store without him, I left him in the store and did my own thing in the store. My mother and I do this all the time when we go out. We leave each other.



nick007
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27 Sep 2011, 12:31 am

ColaBear wrote:
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When you are with someone you love things look different. Probably she did ot even notice the crowd, noise, etc. I think the fact that he left her there, alone, just made everything else worst.


This. Nothing drowns the world out like some pretty eyes and a smile to look at. If only they were available on prescription....

Some(more so with Aspies) can have social anxiety or other anxiety disorders that can cause em to easily get overwhelmed when in social or other unfamiliar situations by themselves but they can be fine in those situations when they are with someone(my girlfriend's like that). I'm guessing theOPs boyfriend probably didn't think leaving her there like that would be a big deal; I don't think it's something most typical NTs would get upset about.


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Kaelynn
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27 Sep 2011, 8:00 pm

Theres a big part of this story I left out :( When my boyfriend walked with my to the food crout, right before he left me there by myelf he...gabbed my butt. :x And then he smiled at me and said "bye!" and walked out the door. :cry:



Titangeek
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27 Sep 2011, 8:19 pm

Classy guy :roll:


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anneurysm
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27 Sep 2011, 10:20 pm

Kaelynn wrote:
Theres a big part of this story I left out :( When my boyfriend walked with my to the food crout, right before he left me there by myelf he...gabbed my butt. :x And then he smiled at me and said "bye!" and walked out the door. :cry:


What a pig! Dump this guy...he's just using you!


_________________
Given a “tentative” diagnosis as a child as I needed services at school for what was later correctly discovered to be a major anxiety disorder.

This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term therapists - that I am an anxious and highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder.

My diagnoses - social anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.


RightGalaxy
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28 Sep 2011, 8:12 am

Aren't you kind of young to have a "boyfriend"? This is really not about the mall - it's about the fact that your so-called boyfriend isn't a gentleman at all. That was rude of him and also rude of his friend. Deep down inside you know this. Instead of getting mad at him. You blamed the mall. The mall is simply what it is - a busy, bustling place. Your boyfriend and his friend are very selfish - don't be surprised if he and his friend hooked up with two other girls after you left. Break it off! Learn to see people for what they really are and don't settle for the fantasy of what you think they are. I "STRONGLY" suggest that you let your Mom read this post and sit and talk with you about what happened to you...and what you were REALLY feeling. At your age, "boyfriends" are absolutely useless. If you continue to tolerate this kind of treatment from boys, the only thing you will learn is how to be a doormat. You need to cultivate good friendships with other good girls or just stay with good relatives that are your age. What about your plans for the future and your education. If your idiot boyfriends are part of your plans, YOU WILL MOST CERTAINLY FAIL. Boys are not a solution - they ARE A BIG PART of the problem and the future problems that you will have if you tolerate this sort of disrespect. Concentrate on yourself. Girls your age have this impression that boyfriends make you more interesting to others - BUT at what price?! If your family can afford counseling, NOW is the time to get it. You have the next decade to be the best that you can be by education and/or some sort of training to prepare you to be a self-supporting adult. You can and will eventually fall in love WHEN YOU ARE STABILIZED as an adult and on your own. When you break it off with that jerk, be polite but make sure you drive your point - don't even mention the mall - simply tell him that he just too "mediocre" for you. Assure him that he'll meet someone that's right for him but drive your point that he is clearly NOT for you. If he tries to twist it around and make you look like the bad guy or try to weaken your confidence, stand your ground and say "well, what you just said may be true but regardless - I still want to break up." The whole idea is to dump him. His opinions of you don't even matter. Nobody cares what the hell he has to say. Now, the HARDEST part: Have you had sex with him? If so, that's what he's using you for. Sorry. Aspies get used more often and for longer periods of time because it readily doesn't dawn on them. They don't have the social circle to go to for comfort or to go to for advice. I've heard of aspie girls getting treated like this even AFTER their boyfriends married other people. Are you understanding this? Once I saw a cartoon in a magazine of a couple leaving a church after being married and a lone woman approaching the groom to ask "I'd like to know where our relationship is going?" A lot of people expect you to figure it out but blatant disrespect is usually a hint. Learn now while you are still young because if you don't learn, later on, guys will start taking your hard-earned money along with using your body as well. Learn from this and NEVER forget.



Last edited by RightGalaxy on 28 Sep 2011, 8:37 am, edited 3 times in total.

RightGalaxy
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28 Sep 2011, 8:13 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
number2 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
He's quite the gentleman.


I won't even say that sarcastically because the guy was a f***ing douche bag for what he did to a fellow aspie.


Yea, let's hang the 14-15 years old evil boy.


Up yours Boo.



RightGalaxy
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28 Sep 2011, 8:24 am

Kaelynn wrote:
Theres a big part of this story I left out :( When my boyfriend walked with my to the food crout, right before he left me there by myelf he...gabbed my butt. :x And then he smiled at me and said "bye!" and walked out the door. :cry:


What that means if it were words is : I KNOW I'm being a totally selfish jerk, but you still will have sex with me, right?" "You'll still be my piece of ass, right?"
Girl! Wake up and smell the stink coming from his ass.



RightGalaxy
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28 Sep 2011, 8:30 am

Melpomene wrote:
The least he could have done was make sure you were with your mum before he took off. Try talking to him and explaining that what he did hurt you. Perhaps he didn't realise that you'd react the way you did once he had left.


NO! Break it off. He KNEW what he was doing but still did it because that's what he WANTED to do. He didn't want to keep his friend and the other two girls waiting. He knew your mom would probably figure it out. He didn't want trouble plus he didn't want to be late for fear that "He'd" be left alone in the mall instead of you. He's selfish. Some girls that are left in the mall meet men like Jeffrey Damer. They NEVER come home...because they are deceased. Do yourself a favor and read about him. Another thing - once he starts having sex with someone else, he won't need you anymore to build his ego. Learn now!! !! Most importantly, learn to love yourself.