Dating and Aspergers

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Fullofstars
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09 Oct 2011, 10:22 am

OneStepBeyond wrote:

^i don't even quote ugly people

spongy
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09 Oct 2011, 10:23 am

Fullofstars wrote:

OneStepBeyond wrote:

^i don't even quote ugly people

Please remember to be nice towards other members at all times.
Thank you.

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SadAspy
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09 Oct 2011, 10:46 am

spongy wrote:

Fullofstars wrote:

OneStepBeyond wrote:

^i don't even quote ugly people

Please remember to be nice towards other members at all times.
Thank you.

I'd rather be insulted (especially when it's true) than ignored.

magnetite
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09 Oct 2011, 10:57 am

SadAspy wrote:

Seriously OP, you better be attractive or any girl you message here will think you are hitting on her and won't even talk to you as a friend.

Don't worry, no issues there.

RainingRoses
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09 Oct 2011, 10:58 am

magnetite wrote:

Recently I've been thinking about the whole dating thing. Not sure why.

It seems you went on to answer your own question ---v

magnetite wrote:

Anyways, I have never dated in my life and I somehow feel kind of left out. There are guys out there with girlfriends or wives my age

I think it's totally natural to wonder if this is the kind of relationship that would be right for you.

magnetite wrote:

I'm not sure if it's just social fear, but I'm not sure if dating someone has to be all serious or whether you can just be friends with them?

It can be absolutely anything you and she together decide you want it to be.

magnetite wrote:

A few family members of mine have advised me a few times that dating someone would be "complicated" for someone like me.

ROFL ... dating someone is complicated for everyone.

magnetite wrote:

If I have an interest in having a female as a friend, but not anything too serious (eg. marriage, or girlfriend), then what would be the best way to go about this?

I think you've gotten some good suggestions already. Let me throw one more at you: the "Strictly Platonic" category on CL. Depending on where you live, there may be a lot of activity there. Watch out for folks with less than pure motives, and you may find some really great people. (I have.)

magnetite wrote:

Also wanted to add that when I was growing up, I really didn't have any friends, but this is probably typical of people with Aspergers.

Yup ... join the club.

magnetite wrote:

I sure hope I'm not doomed into being single or alone my whole life. :oops:

No one is doomed -- although I understand that it can feel that way sometimes. Good luck!

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OneStepBeyond
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09 Oct 2011, 11:04 am

spongy wrote:

Please remember to be nice towards other members at all times.

SERIOUSLY? 'being nice' is a rule??

was only playing. he can take it

spongy
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09 Oct 2011, 11:07 am

OneStepBeyond wrote:

spongy wrote:

Please remember to be nice towards other members at all times.

SERIOUSLY? 'being nice' is a rule??

was only playing. he can take it

From the tos:
.Posting offensive language, comments, video, or images.
Unacceptable content includes swearing; racist, sexist, homophobic language; behavior intended to provoke or belittle other members; violent or sexually demeaning content; sexual fetish; and discussion of excretory function. Posting graphic images or videos of people or animals being harmed is prohibited.(bolded)

While I understand that he can take it other members may not be able to take things the same way and it´d be best to avoid this kind of jokes unless you are friends with the other person to begin with, otherwise you may get into trouble.

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OneStepBeyond
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09 Oct 2011, 11:17 am

spongy wrote:

While I understand that he can take it other members may not be able to take things the same way and it´d be best to avoid this kind of jokes unless you are friends with the other person to begin with, otherwise you may get into trouble.

i'm quite capable of deciding where i may or may not put jokes. if not then i'm fine with getting into trouble. however in this case my judgement appears to have been ok

thanks

spongy
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09 Oct 2011, 11:32 am

OneStepBeyond wrote:

spongy wrote:

i'm quite capable of deciding where i may or may not put jokes. if not then i'm fine with getting into trouble. however in this case my judgement appears to have been ok

thanks

Fine by me.
I just dont want anyone complaining about how they werent told about having to respect each other when I contact them and try to make this clear every now and then when I come across something that could lead to having a mod contacting the member/members about it.

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AsteroidNap
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09 Oct 2011, 2:29 pm

How did this turn into yet another thread about SadAspy?? (I know how....so this is a rhetorical question)

To the OP, I think the advice others have mentioned, namely ignore the advice of NTs, is sound advice. Ten years of my dating life were wasted listening to the advice of NTs. I don't blame them...they were only trying to help. And to be fair, I wasn't diagnosed then either. So it SEEMED like good advice at the time, haha.

Online is a good place to start, but also I'd suggest developing a few hobbies, etc where you can meet women. Volunteer for various organizations that interest you. These are all places you can meet people.

Chronos
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09 Oct 2011, 11:09 pm

SadAspy wrote:

Grisha wrote:

It sounds like you are speaking from personal experience. How can you conclude that it's because you're not "good-looking" - have you ever posted a photo?

I said "attractive." I didn't say "physically attractive." Don't put words in my mouth. The word attractive can entail several qualities.

Such as not being bitter, self loathing, and out to destroy yourself socially or otherwise.

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09 Oct 2011, 11:39 pm

SadAspy wrote:

spongy wrote:

I focus on that experience because its the one Im familiar with but I do say:"I believe that the responses to your pms wuld improve a lot if you displayed less hate towards female kind on your posts." Which shows that Im aware that you have approached a few female members from here.

And most were before I started making "hateful" posts. FAIL!

uhhh no, you started off right away showing what your attitude is. you must realise we can see all of your old posts.

October 16, 2010:

SadAspy wrote:

In response to the OP,

Maybe I'm not entitled to a woman, but it is pretty frustrating when women would rather go out with bad boy thugs than me, even when they're not better-looking!

March 13, 2011:

SadAspy wrote:

An NT girl wouldn't date an Aspy guy unless he made a lot of money.

Of course, Aspy girls date NT guys.

i also found a picture of you.... you had posted a pic of yourself with another person and i had told you that you looked quite fine (though i didn't know which person was you, both men in the pic looked nice).

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hyperlexian
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09 Oct 2011, 11:43 pm

EGGREGUYOUS wrote:

If you want it then go do it, it is that simple.

yes, exactly!! !! OP, be friends with women and maybe you will eventually date one too. being friends is quite awesome on its own too.

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Adam82
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10 Oct 2011, 12:24 am

magnetite wrote:

Recently I've been thinking about the whole dating thing. Not sure why. Anyways, I have never dated in my life and I somehow feel kind of left out. There are guys out there with girlfriends or wives my age and I'm not sure if it's just social fear, but I'm not sure if dating someone has to be all serious or whether you can just be friends with them?

A few family members of mine have advised me a few times that dating someone would be "complicated" for someone like me. If I have an interest in having a female as a friend, but not anything too serious (eg. marriage, or girlfriend), then what would be the best way to go about this?

Also wanted to add that when I was growing up, I really didn't have any friends, but this is probably typical of people with Aspergers. I sure hope I'm not doomed into being single or alone my whole life. :oops:

You're not alone. You sound like me. I've never dated either. My parents had kids at my age. I thought it was just me, but there's lots of guys who have trouble forming relationships, especially Aspie ones.

SadAspy
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10 Oct 2011, 12:50 am

hyperlexian wrote:

uhhh no, you started off right away showing what your attitude is. you must realise we can see all of your old posts.

October 16, 2010:

SadAspy wrote:

In response to the OP,

Maybe I'm not entitled to a woman, but it is pretty frustrating when women would rather go out with bad boy thugs than me, even when they're not better-looking!

March 13, 2011:

SadAspy wrote:

An NT girl wouldn't date an Aspy guy unless he made a lot of money.

Of course, Aspy girls date NT guys.

Yeah, I was critical....but I wasn't as bitter as I am now. My comments referred to NT women. Based on my experience with this forum, I now know Aspy women are no different.

As for my pic, "fine" and "nice" are not exactly glowing compliments. Might as well just be ugly.

hyperlexian
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10 Oct 2011, 12:52 am

SadAspy wrote:

As for my pic, "fine" and "nice" are not exactly glowing compliments. Might as well just be ugly.

uhhh no... fine is a major compliment. it's all about the emphasis, which understandably you cannot hear on the internet.

frankly you look handsome in that picture but that is too much of a personal compliment to give to a n00b (as you were at the time).

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