Janissy wrote:
Women have biological clocks. They can't wait around 10 years for you to possibly be ready. Of course some women will not want children. But will they also want no sex for years and years? Of course some women don't want children or sex, but will they then want a boyfriend who wants exclusivity? It's possible, but not terribly likely.
You made a good point regarding biological clock. Maybe what it boils down to is that people with Asperger are much younger than their age. I wasted my 20-s being obsessed about the same stuff people are obsessed about in their teens (the whole thing about being rejected, self esteem, and so forth), so I didn't put enough effort into my studies. And now in my 30-s I want to make up for it and focus on studies. Well if you ask yourself why high school or even college is not as intense as intense as grad school the answer is probably along the same lines: high school and college kids are too busy worrying about dating and stuff. In my case, I didn't worry about it in high school and college -- hence I was few years ahead of everyone -- but then I started worrying about ti in grad school and, therefore, fell behind. So since i did in grad school whatever most ppl do in high school, lt me now, as someone who already has ph.d., do something most ppl do in grad school and actually try to catch up, write some publications, and so forth and then worry about marriage later.
I guess the good news is that I look a lot younger than my age. Probably due to the same thing -- my body is much younger. So if everything was "by looks" I could have dated someone who is 20 (and being 30 I won't look any older than an average 20 year old) and then her biological clocks will allow her to wait 10 years and marry me when she is 30 and I am 40. The only problem with this is that people DO care about passport age. So even though I look like I am 20, no 20 year old will want to date me because my passport age is still 30. So that is the problem.
I do have one example that encourages me. My former ph.d. thesis advisor had first kid when he was 48 years old (I don't know the time he got married though). But his wife is 15 years younger than him. In fact the way he met his wife is that she was his student or something (which by the way raises another question: dating between professors and students is not allowed in most schools so I don't know why he was allowed to do it; but it never crossed my mind until right now so I never asked).
But who knows maybe he as just extremely lucky and I won't have similar luck, that is also possible. But at the same time, during my Ph.D. ceremony I told him I was upset I was already 29 and how I heard that people after 30 are less efficient in their research than before 30. Well his respose to me was that most ppl work slower in their 30-s because they have families and he advised me not to marry until some later time. So I guess at least he thinks that whatever he did can be done by others as well.
14 Oct 2011, 2:20 am
