25 Oct 2011, 10:53 pm
Kaufmancab51
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: 2 Sep 2008
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 180
Location: Rochester, New York
25 Oct 2011, 11:26 pm
26 Oct 2011, 9:38 am
hyperlexian wrote:
Bataar wrote:
Talking is my biggest problem. I'm not shy, I just need something to talk about. When it comes to meeting women, it's very hard because I never have anything viable to talk about. Things that I'm interested in and enjoy talking about aren't typically things you'll want to talk with women about. After a simple greeting, I'm lost. I don't know what any of her interests are so I don't know what to ask or comment about. I also can't bring myself to talk for the sake of talking. For example a buddy of mine and I were walking my dog and we saw a woman there walking her dog. He told me I should ask her what kind of dog she had. I told him that it was a boxer. He smiled and said he knew that, but I should ask anyway as a means of breaking the ice. This kind of thing just baffles me. If I already know the answer, I can't bring myself to ask the question.
ok, so don't ask that question. instead...
"oh, a boxer!" followed by:
"did you get him/her from a breeder?"
"how old?"
"i always heard boxers are quite trainable. what's your experience?"
"what do you call this coat, brindle? did you know that guinea pigs can have brindle coats?"
"is s/he friendly?"
"i've thought about getting a boxer but i don't have the space. how do you deal with that in the city?"
"i'm mostly a fan of GSDs but i make an exception for boxers. do you have any other pets?"
"that's an awesome collar/leash/coat, do you buy your gear locally?"
"wow what a great shiny coat. did s/he just come from the groomer's?"
"my dog and i want to say hello, hope you don't mind. is s/he friendly?"
"boxers seem to be getting more popular lately. what's your experience with handling their quirks?"
it's not about what you say, it's about getting her to talk. just say something and over time you'll build up better skills. find a tangent and take it boldly. be as creative as you want to be because you literally have nothing to lose: if you do not talk to her then you'll never see her again, and if you mess it up you'll also never see her again. sure, your pride will sting but you'll have regret anyways if you don't try.
Those are good ideas. I just need to figure out how to change my brain around
I'm an information orientated conversationalist. When I have time to read through a post like yours, it makes sense, but in real life, most of those topics I wouldn't even think to ask about because regardless of the answer, it's useless information. I'm not knocking you for posting this, I'm just trying to explain how my thought process works here. This is the biggest block I have to meeting people
26 Oct 2011, 12:03 pm
Bataar wrote:
Those are good ideas. I just need to figure out how to change my brain around
I'm an information orientated conversationalist. When I have time to read through a post like yours, it makes sense, but in real life, most of those topics I wouldn't even think to ask about because regardless of the answer, it's useless information. I'm not knocking you for posting this, I'm just trying to explain how my thought process works here. This is the biggest block I have to meeting people
I'm an information orientated conversationalist. When I have time to read through a post like yours, it makes sense, but in real life, most of those topics I wouldn't even think to ask about because regardless of the answer, it's useless information. I'm not knocking you for posting this, I'm just trying to explain how my thought process works here. This is the biggest block I have to meeting people
you're right, absolutely. it would require a massive shift in thinking. not everyone can adjust to talking just for the sake of getting to know someone better as opposed to information acquisition.
sometimes i think of it like a social experiment. it lifts the pressure as the end result isn't romance/getting laid, but rather the interaction itself. i try different things and later reflect on what factors (i.e. environment, conversation content, other participants) had various results (i.e. extensive conversation, fearful response, irritation, neutral). this perspective provides a purpose beyond chatting someone up to get their number. it helped me to do it with as many different people as possible, not just prospective love interests, because then i could become more comfortable with small talk and chatting in general.
27 Oct 2011, 12:48 am
27 Oct 2011, 7:49 am
27 Oct 2011, 8:44 am
The pyschic wall you encounter when 2 people start sniffing around each other, is something I know
There is a part of you that sabotages intimacy, yet you crave it also 
When you are ready the wall will be gone
or, to speed up that moment, maybe a psychodrama mock conversation...... either with yourself alone, or with a friend pretending to be a single woman
Like hyperlexian said, probably the girl for you will be quiet, possibly aspie and alone somewhere waiting for you
go find her
