Really wanting a life partner?

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I'm dating an Aspie. We've been together for 3 years. I have two kids from my previous marriage, one of whom is also an Aspie. We're not your typical family but we make it work and being with another aspie takes a lot of the pressure off.

I wouldn't nessarily agree that I have it "easy", perhaps in comparison since many aspie guys on here claim to repelling women quite easily. I don't repel men. My problems with dating in person is that its hard for me to "social" network just in general. I tend to inadvertently have very small social networks. Its not that I can't socialize but for me, the timing and initiation patterns are very complicated and confusing for me. I know how to talk to people, I dont know how to initiate and talk to people little by little. So I don't meet guys in person who are interested that often(or that I know of). I get thrown off by this little by little socializing. So if a guy was kinda interested, he would witness me seemingly blowing him off when I dont intend to. Unless I see the guy as a dead on potential friend, I will sorta ignore them(or seemingly).

Heres what it is described in the DSM:


So I've done the online thing a bit the quit the online thing. Online social networking is a piece of cake in comparison. I feel NT online, I can social network like an NT online.

And next, I'm back home(hawaii) and I dont fit in AT ALL. I'm seeking an driven, intellectual guy not some laidback, not very educated, chill guy, "lets go beach and drink beer" type of guy. It seems that even the so called "geeks" here are quiet, ultra passive asian guys who are into nothing but gaming and manga. Not my type or interests.

Last edited by Ai_Ling on 12 Nov 2011, 1:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I did have a life partner, but when her brain tumor (benign) went away after treatment, she was someone else. I hope to find a permanent partner again, it's very hard not having someone to filter and explain the parts of the world that I don't quite get.

I think Ai_Ling summed up the situation quite nicely.

, thats very unfortunate. But I do think it was fortunate that you found her for sometime. Interesting enough, it seems to be a role that life partners can play with aspie (that I've read). They serve as interpreters to the parts of the world we dont get. I actually had a friend who was for some months played a role as my interpreter and he was very good at translating things to me. However the awkwardness of the possibility of me liking him or him liking me was an overkill for him.

I think Tony is confusing confusing people giving up on their desire for relationship after a lifetime of failures and focusing on their special interests because its the only way to retain their sanity.



Online removes the face-to-face issues (I can give you a link to a research paper on what causes that in autistics) and it is an environment that does not use verbal communication but rather written (uses different areas of the brain to process).



Hey thats me!



im not asian... going for my MA degree soon.. I hate beer and partying ... but I am a bit laid back. Life's too short to take everything seriously

Your search is over AI_Ling.

it's not that easy! i think finding willing men maybe would be possible at a stretch for even slightly dodgy women yes, but actually making them into a 'life partner'....
i think you could drop a man right in front of me and i would not know what to do with him

That's a strength, actually. Men resent being told to change. And most women are trying to change them.

Being a life partner is usually just a matter of being pleasant enough to be around that they keep you around.

how long have you been married for? people do more in a relationship than act pleasant lol

that doesn't sound right....

True but focus on what we got, that breaks things down to or interests and talents.



Yeah I know that quite well. My problem with face to face is more so social networking then anything else. I know how to talk to people. I described that in my post above. I would prefer face to face within the recent years because I do read body language now. Whereas in the past, I preferred online because face to face was to confusing. My problem with social networking is practically eliminated online for reasons. 1) I talk better 1 on 1. 2) The initiation stage is breaks down to a simple, click on persons screen name and type hello. Piece of cake. Intiation and little by little contact is confusing for me as described above

That's been my experience in a nutshell.

I'm not broken, I don't need to be changed or fixed.

Go after the guy you want, don't come after me and try to change me into him.

^Dantac, I'm not trying to be rude.

But yeah, its 99.99% likely that if your not from hawaii, or So Cal at the very least, you arent like that. Its not so much about the superficial characteristics I laid out. Its just the way people are in Hawaii. I never fit in my entire life, I speak proper English, Im motivated and driven. Its not about alcohol or being asian at all or its not even about going to the beach. Its about a mindset, a lifestyle that I'm not into. I simply listed superficial characteristics to describe them. But very very few people on this forum would truely know what I was talking about.

In other term, you feel like you're an alien in your society.

No, many would understand that here. My society is also party-wild and very outgoing.

Heh. I learned to party to fit in. Only to discover that it was not very enjoyable.

how do people fall in love so often, one after the other until they get it right- it's so tiring!