Most of the dating/sex issues are targeted at men

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I think people give men and their approaching too much credit. The truth is, men don't approach women that much, unless a woman is of certain appearance or if she's in a certain social situation. I see guys passing on pretty girls all the time, not approaching them.

They often approach women if they seem available or "wanting", or if they are doing the "mass approach" or something. But even then, shy girls and girls who don't seem social are often overlooked.

So the fact nobody ever approached you means nothing.

The truth is, most of the people don't meet this way. Most of the people meet through friends. And Aspies often have a trouble with social interaction and they usually don't have many friends. That's why it's difficult for them to meet new people.

And not to mention many guys don't notice socially awkward girls. So that's why you've never been approached.

Hey, I'm not ugly but I've never been approached by a guy. Never.

We actually do notice socially awkward girls, so long as they dress up and make themselves up in a way that makes them stand out!

I wish women were inclined to flirt with guys they're actually interested in , instead of doing it just to be a tease.

Yeah, well, that's what I was talking about. You need to dress up and make yourself "conventionally attractive" to get a man notice you.



But, as we all know, it's very difficult for an Aspie girl to flirt.

I never learned how to flirt. Seriously, my flirting attempts are subtle like an elephant in a porcelain shop. That tends to scare men off.

PS- I'm not complaining. The lack of men approaching me and the lack of flirting skills from my side never really prevented me from dating guys or meeting my husband. I guess having close NT friends helped here.

Wrong.

My friend's dad said something that opened my eyes last week. He told us about a conversation he had with one of our friends, he didn't say who it was, just that he was having a conversation about a girl with him and the guy said: "oh, but she's out of my league."

So a shy guy may think you are too pretty for him and that you won't be interested in him and he'll be scared that if he appproaches you he will look like a fool because you won't like him.

Can't win. If we don't look pretty girls get passed by, but if we look too pretty guys are too scared to come near. Catch 22.

Best advice from guys here is that we should just go and talk to someone we are attracted to. My problem is that my brain won't conjour up any small talk beyond, "hello, how are you." I need someone talkative to approach me, but that hasn't happened in a long long time.

Last edited by hurtloam on 19 Nov 2011, 10:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

yea that seems to be the case, most people meeting through friends, i guess....like the other poster said (forget who) unless you meeting through friends or willing to approach the guy really nothing else one can do. w/e I should probably learn to forget the whole stupid ordeal. ty anyways.

I don't think you should forget about it. It's true most of the people meet through friends; but it only means the usual "cold approach" doesn't work as much as some people think. It only means people need more humane (in lack of a better word) circumstances when meeting each other than the clubs or random "Hey, I like you, you're hot, give me your phone number" approach.

The fact guys don't approach you out of nowhere doesn't say anything about your worth as a potential girlfriend OR your attractiveness.

You still have options you might want to explore. Internet is one of them. I don't mean on online dating here (though that's an option, too). I mean on participating in blogs and forums that interest you. I know quite a few couples who met that way.

ok i see what you're saying here and i wish I believed that was the case. if you read that other 'bringing up sex in relationship' thread there's all these rules and crap and 'natural progression' of things and i guess i am in over my head and likely I shouldn't be pursuing these types of relationships it seems. a person shouldnt wait a long time to begin getting into these types of things I don't think, only makes for worse down the road it seems. maybe i can be happy without them, i don't know how though anyways.

Well, I don't know you, but I know many girls and women who are great people and also fairly pretty, that are in your situation. It seems that guys only approach one group of women and not the others. Still, that doesn't prevent the rest of us from dating or having relationships or marrying. It just means it's a bit trickier.

There are tons and tons of articles about sex and dating in Cosmopolitan. But the women they are aimed at certainly arent me, my experiences with dating have been very different from many women I think.

For me, it has never mattered whether I dress up or down. The fact is most men realise I am kind of masculine and they find that weird, and then they go off looking for some girly creature.

I'm a tomboy. I'm not masculine, but I don't dress, walk and talk like a girl. (I don't do it like a boy, though; more gender-neutral?) Men usually ignore me. Like I'm not even there. I am used to it and since I'm married, I'm glad that they act like this and leave me alone.

But I understand it's a problem for single women. Still, I do think it's possible to find a guy who's interested in you just the way you are.

Aww, that is sweet, thank you.

For me it is not that they ignore me, it is more I get the "strange look" like I can see them looking at me and sussing me out, and they then seem to decide I am too bizarre for them to relate to.

Unfortunately, that's a common reaction for any woman who's a bit out of the "norm" on how a woman "should" look like. (There's a thread in the Women's sub forum about girls telling a WP member to "make herself more pretty" by makeup and what not).

These things are extremely frustrating (I know they were frustrating for me when I was single), but trust me, the fact someone doesn't look or act like a "typical female should" doesn't mean her chances at dating and romance are non-existent.

Men pass on the pretty women, smart women, great women all the time. They approach only one type, more or less. So really, it's not you, it's them.

The only tricky part is finding a way of meeting men that works for you. Again, having supportive friends help, but even if you don't have them, there are options. There are plenty of guys who don't expect their girls to be all dressed up and who are looking for a girl who's tomboyish (or whatever you are - whoever you are, there will always be guys looking for someone like you). But for some reason, it's a bit trickier to find them "randomly" ( = get them approach you out of nowhere).

Here's another thing I've learned about men: Sometimes, they are shy to show their preferences if they are "out of the norm". I knew a guy who's into chubby girls. He was heavily ridiculed by his friends so he rarely acted on his preferences. Another one preferred "metal chicks" (in lack of a better word), and he wasn't into metal music, nor did he dressed that way.
Luckily, as they grow older, they stop listening their mates that much and start acting on their preferences.

'there's somebody for everyone.' or 'there's someone love you just as you are.' sounds nice on paper doesnt it? too bad it's not true. reality is some women (and men) have nothing to offer the opposite sex that's probably why getting passed over at every turn.

No, I really believe that, whoever you are and whatever your personality is, there will be people who like you the way you are.

I didn't believe it until I saw it happening (not just to myself, but other people. Even the mean and bad people find someone they're compatible with). I used to be very depressed about it. I'd spent days thinking about it and wondering that a guy who likes me might live on the other side of the world and then what would I do? (This was pre-Internet).

So it's not that someone isn't worth of love or that there's something wrong about a person. It's just a bit trickier to find the people who are interested if you don't fit the narrow standards of how a woman should look and/or behave.

Can anyone define attractive or pretty? or unattractive? I think those things kind of depend. For instance a lot of times me and my sister disagree on what we see as attractive when it comes to guys. So how is one to know if they are considered attractive or not and should thus make up for it with pretty clothes and make up? I have a better idea people should quit trying to fit into such specific boxes.