Any idea how I can attract a girl?

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Pengu1n
Snowy Owl
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21 Nov 2011, 3:14 am

Hello:

I also have a problem with having a personality that is too overtly "plain"

(actually, I am a very interesting person as the sum of all parts, but I present as a bit stone-faced and unexciting, especially on a first-impression) It takes me some time to warm up to anybody before I start to open up and the full range of my interests comes out. (I usually blow the 1st impression though and don't get to the next step)

My problem is also that my personality and interests are very obscure things that no one is likely to identify with or relate to........ This make it difficult in relationships. Moving forward, my ideal girl and I will share life goals and dreams and our romance will blossom out of shared desires for life.

But I am like you to where my personality type is obscure and no one can really relate to me. Its a tough road I know.

I don't fall at all into a major subset of male-personality types...... therefore I never run across any girl who will fancy me and make moves towards me since I am most likely to be never what she thinks she might be looking for on a broad base. I think most girls generally look for some subset of male like "partyboy," "entrepreneur" etc.

I can't even say in general what I might be. I have 3 or 4 very specific interests I work hard at, but no real indicator of a great general personality. I'm not even really a "nerd," or a "geek"

I think you, as the OP, have yet to totally define what your personality is though. You are still fluid enough I think you have lots of potential to perhaps pick up on some "general interest" or sense of being that perhaps many girls will be able to relate to.

I think as well as polishing a few specific interests, you should think about more general things.



confirmation
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22 Nov 2011, 7:15 pm

Yeah I guess I should be thankful that I could have it worse off. It just sucks that I kinda get bored of everything. On a side note I think I am talking to this girl but I am not completely sure about her. She gave me her phone number without me asking, and talked about about her ex a few times. So does this mean she is interested in me and implying she is single?



deconstruction
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22 Nov 2011, 7:27 pm

It's hard to tell, but giving you a phone number is definitely a good sign!

The "ex boyfriend" talk, though, can go both ways. Yes, I do think she implies she's single. However, it's never good when a girl you're interested in talks about her ex. It can signalize that she's not over him.



MacDragard
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22 Nov 2011, 9:07 pm

Instead of worrying about how you don't know what your real interests are, find out about hers! Women are far more impressed when you show interest in them instead of you trying to sell yourself with some special interest of yours.



Wolfheart
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23 Nov 2011, 2:17 am

MacDragard wrote:
Instead of worrying about how you don't know what your real interests are, find out about hers! Women are far more impressed when you show interest in them instead of you trying to sell yourself with some special interest of yours.


This is very good advice, people like to feel involved and important when you're interacting with them. It's a common trait for people on the spectrum to talk about themselves or an interest self obsessively, I think we don't realize that conversation is something that involves emphasizing, relating to others and creating an emotional response so we tend to fixate on a certain topic to express intelligence or depth yet become confused when the other person doesn't respond in the way we want, I definitely think that has to do with lack of empathy that is common in people on the spectrum.



WintersTale
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24 Nov 2011, 3:03 am

Aspergers is equally divided between boys and girls. There is no gender difference.

I have trouble meeting women, too. It seems like shy guys aren't in demand. But maybe sometime we'll have our day.


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confirmation
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25 Nov 2011, 12:18 am

I can't say I would consider myself shy. I am just kinda clueless on how to socialize (mainly starting it) or I don't see the need to constantly talk. I guess I can kinda try asking what people like and dislike as a start.



deconstruction
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25 Nov 2011, 1:01 am

But this isn't just an Aspie problem. Many NT guys don't have a clue how to approach a girl, or are clueless on how to socialize. Any girl that gets approached by guys on a regular basis can confirm that many guys aren't great in this. But it's not that much of an obstacle like it seems.



number2
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25 Nov 2011, 1:51 am

Go to a club get some b***h drunk and act like you don't give a f**k about her and she'll come on to you.



AJ989
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25 Nov 2011, 9:46 am

What I have found with my AS, Is it is much like a fire basically you've just gotta go for things and any little success you have add's fuel, Honestly with the way girl's are i think it's pretty impossible to just find one thing that works,they are all different,you've just gotta be yourself,try be positive and push any fear aside. you will surprise yourself. if that makes sense?



rainbowbutterfly
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26 Nov 2011, 5:15 am

Although many women seem to be attracted to sensitive men now in days, there still isn't a single "1 personality" that makes a man attractive to all women and vice versa.
Me and my female friends have our agreements and disagreements on who we find attractive. One thing I have noticed is that introverts often tend to be drawn to the outgoing nature of extraverts and extraverts tend to be drawn to the mysteriousness and uniqueness of introverts. I know of several introvert-extravert couples. I am an introvert and I'm attracted to extraverts. With other introverted men, it seems hard for us to know what to say to each other. On the other hand, my sister is an intense extravert with friends all over the globe. She has an intensely introverted boyfriend who rarely talks. Though, the 1 thing they have in common is their intense interest in music.
So, it is my opinion that perhaps you need someone with similar interests, but an opposite (and of course decent) personality. Maybe you'd match up well with an outgoing, socially astute woman? That way, you wouldn't worry too much on how to ask her out, because you'd simply just need to say yes because she'd ask you out instead.