Guys are too clingy - why can't they amuse themselves?

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AngelKnight
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24 Nov 2011, 10:57 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

AS_Citizen_43275-B wrote:

I totally agree that marriage is (or was) an economic arrangement, and romantic considerations should be secondary. It was shown in Anthropology class that societies where marriage is an economic contract divorce rates are very low, like traditional India, whilst western marriages were romantic/emotional motives prevail, marriage rarely lasts more than six years (or in the case of celebrities, marriage lasts only a few months).

i think in those societies, divorce can lead to social shunning by family and friends, and partners often do not have the economic means to leave. basically they are stuck due to lack of resources and also social pressures. also, i don't think that staying together necessarily means more happiness over the long term.

^ This.

Last I heard, my mother stays with a human (supposedly anyway) who is financially well-off but otherwise no good for her, precisely because she's out of other options. It's an arranged marriage, and in her day "no" wasn't an option supported by her family or society. She moved to another country with her husband because her husband chose it, not because she wanted to.

Shebakoby
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25 Nov 2011, 3:00 am

I know I wouldn't be clingy. I'd be all, let me do what I want (i.e. be on the computer most of the day) and I'll be happy.

The_Face_of_Boo
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25 Nov 2011, 3:38 am

AS_Citizen_43275-B wrote:

StonedMoonie wrote:

AS_Citizen_43275-B wrote:

Quote:

I don't want a 'soul-mate', that sounds terrifying. I want a friend who I can form a stable sexual and financial arrangement with. Romance is BS.

Ok, I'm no longer a male version of you.. :lol:

I'm not hostile to the soul mate idea, and I don't turn my back completely on romance. However, my 'soul mate' would respect my need for 'relationship rest' periods, and my dislike of phone calls. And not want to move-in together, which is terrifying to me.

I wouldn't have a problem living with someone, as long as they left me alone and I had my own bed. In my view marriage is an economic arrangement, and romantic considerations should be secondary (the failure to realise this is one reason Western marriages are in shambles).

My home is my 'me' sanctuary. I get deeply uncomfortable having company, I've always declined to host for my dates.. Yup, it's that sacred to me.. :oops:

I would only consider living together with someone after years of dating.. so far that hasn't happened. I would want my own personal bedroom though..

I totally agree that marriage is (or was) an economic arrangement, and romantic considerations should be secondary. It was shown in Anthropology class that societies where marriage is an economic contract divorce rates are very low, like traditional India, whilst western marriages were romantic/emotional motives prevail, marriage rarely lasts more than six years (or in the case of celebrities, marriage lasts only a few months).

Ok then.. I'm a slightly different male version of you.. :lol:

The low divorce rate in the conservative societies (I live in one) is due to shame, and not because marriage is viewed as an economical arrangement. Meaning, couples are more willing to stick together within a horrible marriage than filing for a divorce. Also, in most divorce cases, it's usually the woman who wants the divorce and the custody/financial law in those countries are not much to her favor.

Watch out for what you're wishing for, the "economical arrangement" means that the male has to become a walking ATM on demand for the female. When a girl describes marriage just as an "economical arrangement" usually = "I want a male to be my walking ATM"
ALARM! ALARM!

Just run away from her.

blue_bean
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25 Nov 2011, 3:56 am

The more emotionally available you are = the less clingy they'll be. Simple formula really.

Nobody should ever have to resort to being clingy at all. Sure you can just blame it on their insecurity but it takes two to tango.

NaomiDB
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25 Nov 2011, 8:07 am

ahh I can be a bit like that. I do want a soul mate and stuff but in the meantime I would like to have sex with people I am comfortable with and a close friend and have mutual respect in there and see when I feel like seeing them, the guy I'm seeing at the moment is obsessed and It makes me wanna kill him

nick007
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25 Nov 2011, 9:09 am

blue_bean wrote:

I'm a clingy guy & I got more clingy when my girl got kinda withdrawn or distant compared to how she normally is/was. Getting closer to her for a while & getting on anxiety medication helped me a LOT.

I would suggest that you try to find & date very independent guys OP. Someone who manages a small business, travels a lot or spends a lot of time hanging out with the guys is less likely to have the time to be really clingy with you

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Grisha
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25 Nov 2011, 9:13 am

1. I'm a guy.
2. I'm not "clingy"
3. I am perfectly capable of amusing myself, in fact, I'm amusing myself right now.

All generalizations suck, without exception.

hyperlexian
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25 Nov 2011, 9:40 am

Grisha wrote:

All generalizations suck, without exception.

i agree 100%

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Surfman
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25 Nov 2011, 2:37 pm

As always, the observer acts with the observed, through the act of observation....

I quote and use an old system of understanding people

This dissatisfaction with clingy boyfriend is typical for gemini/horse

MXH
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25 Nov 2011, 2:39 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

Grisha wrote:

All generalizations suck, without exception.

i agree 100%

its a generalization to generalize that all generalizations suck.

hyperlexian
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25 Nov 2011, 2:56 pm

MXH wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

Grisha wrote:

All generalizations suck, without exception.

i agree 100%

its a generalization to generalize that all generalizations suck.

in general, yes. :lol:

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StonedMoonie
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25 Nov 2011, 4:01 pm

Grisha wrote:

All generalizations suck, without exception.

Your generalization is self-refuting, and it's wrong in any case. Heuristics are a means of dealing with unknowably complex situations. It's like those losers who object to labels. "I don't have a label." Yeah, because you dont have enough of a consistent view to wrap one around it and you're too much of a p**** to assert yourself.

Language cowards are what make political correctness.

hyperlexian
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25 Nov 2011, 4:06 pm

StonedMoonie wrote:

Grisha wrote:

All generalizations suck, without exception.

actually, we insist that people refrain from sexist generalisations because it is against the rules. the generalisation in the title of your thread is not only inaccurate but it does violate the following rule (bolded):

Quote:

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Conduct
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The following activities are unacceptable on WrongPlanet:

1. Posting offensive language, comments, video, or images.
Unacceptable content includes swearing; racist, sexist, homophobic language; behavior intended to provoke or belittle other members; violent or sexually demeaning content; sexual fetish; and discussion of excretory function. Posting graphic images or videos of people or animals being harmed is prohibited.

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StonedMoonie
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25 Nov 2011, 4:11 pm

Jesus Christ and Mercury, the PC ret*ds arise.

I refuse to take this seriously, as it is too asinine to deserve even the little comment I am giving it. Stop acting like a Women's Studies Professor.

You don't have a single god damn coherent definition for any of those words, you're just mired in cultural Marxist nonsense.

hyperlexian
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25 Nov 2011, 4:24 pm

alrighty then, your intention is clear.

playing by the rules is not optional.

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