How do you ask girls out and begin relationships with them?

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Life certainly isn't easy for anyone, being rich doesn't make you exempt from medical and psychological problems and if someone likes you for money or looks, they don't like you as a person, they are attracted to something external so in other words, it is fake attraction.

You're the only person who suffers from your ill whims and mindset, you're the only person who feels failure and depression when you don't meet your high unrealistic expectations of yourself so why live life for others or how others think you should live? If you live life for yourself, you will be much happier.

The Capitalist materialistic world we all live in is pushed by the media, corporations and government has brainwashed the majority of society into believing they can only be happy if they become a millionaire or billionaire.

When the same lies and propaganda is repeated over and over it becomes the truth. How much a man's bank account balance and what he looks like are the two huge important factors pushed by the materialistic capitalist world we all live in.

This isn't going to make much sense, Penguin, but it's true: One of the worst ways to find a girlfriend is to look for one.

Think about it for a moment. When you talk to a girl now, you're nervous, anxious, trying desperately to think of funny and insightful things to say, like a job interview except you're hoping to spend money instead of make it. You're not enjoying yourself OR her company and no matter how it ends, you're relieved it's over. Do you think she doesn't sense that? She does, trust me.

Do you know why 'jerks' get all the girls? Because they're having fun, feeling relaxed and enjoying the company they keep, even if it is telling a girl she's a little chunky. Do you think girls don't know a jerk is a jerk? They do. But they'd rather be around him then a guy who hates himself and resents the pretty girl he's talking to because she's making it so hard for him to make her his girlfriend. Search your feelings, you know this to be true.

I can't tell you in one post the things to do to get girls to like you, but I can tell you a rule you should never break:

IF YOU'RE NOT HAVING FUN, STOP. IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHERE YOU ARE, LEAVE. IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHO YOU'RE TALKING TO, SHUT IT.

You really need to put yourself out there AND get with a men's dating group or meetup with a group of your guy friends who are really successful with women and inform them of your progress. List every detail. This is what I'm going to be doing this week. I'm going to be attending a night club for the first time ever, but I DO NOT plan on approaching and meeting any women that night because I know I would have to be used to the atmosphere first. Believe it or not, it is natural to be anxious when approaching women. Most guys get anxious. The guys who are really good at it are the ones who practice doing it. If you don't have much practice approaching women in general (and I mean like 400 women per month), then of course you're going to be anxious. You will get to a point where you will just be over it. Don't worry about getting rejected either. Even guys who are REALLY good with women get rejected. That's easier said than done, I know because of the pressure and getting rejected feels worse than getting shot, but at least you're still living after.

At the same time, you DO need to be educated on what to do and what not to do. Women like guys who are good at breaking the ice and can make light of a boring situation. If you're the boring, nice guy, then you will be passed over because a lot of women get approached by the same types of guys over and over again. Also, don't be desperate and don't TRY to be funny. Women will know that. Plus, body language is VERY important. All I can say is practice this. It's something you're not going to get over until you keep practicing. You may have to go sit at a night club for several weeks before you approach the first girl you're interested in. Getting feedback really helps so you will know from guys what steps to take next or what approaches you should change.

Overall, if you can get over the PRESSURE of approaching, conversing, and asking women out, then you pretty much have a 95% success rate.

I am a useless member of Generation Y. I have no people skills and I solely depend upon the Internet to communicate with the world.

Due to Aspergers I can not talk to strangers face to face. Talking online is easier because there is no face to face contact.

I still suffer from sleep deprivation from the bullying from school all those years ago. I have not been able to find a job since finishing school 10 years ago and now I rely on the disabled pension and family.

Aspergers is to blame for all my problems in my life. As soon as you mention Aspergers that scares them away.

I don't agree with all the things Dark Lord is saying about lying and what not, but honestly, if you live your life only for yourself, you're nothing but a megalomaniac narcissistic prick...

And believe me, I know what I'm talking about. I live in NJ, where there are a great deal of folks who live life only for themselves, and take no consideration for others. It's not everybody by any stretch, but there's enough of them to be noticeable.

"there are a great deal of folks who live life only for themselves, and take no consideration for others."

To me that quote perfectly sums up most Americans. The Americans I have met in person and the American celebrities on TV like Charlie sheen, George W. Bush, Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods et. al from all walks of life. Come across as self centred, megalomaniac, big headed narcissists who believe the world solely revolves around them.

Being diagnosed with aspergers creates a negative placebo effect. Most people that are diagnosed fail at things like relationships and social situations MUCH moreso because they give up, constantly beat themselves up, and are totally unmotivated to improve themselves and be willing to adapt than the fact that they have aspergers. What if I were to tell you that ASD is a total sham and that you've been played for a fool? Some psychologists and psychoanalysts who were bored and scratching for money decided to make it up one day just so they can rake in more cash from unsuspecting parents of children who heaven forbid had a sense of independence? After all, ASD fails to take into consideration the environments people grow up in and the experiences they encounter; you're just BORN with it. If ASD is a legit condition, I would say less than 1% of those who are diagnosed actually have a legit diagnosis.

I'm saying people shouldn't rely or depend other people to bring them happiness or define their sense of well being, people don't need approval or validation from anyone but themselves to feel truly content and complete in who they are.

Society shouldn't determine your happiness and how you should you live your life, did society take your first breath? I'm saying live life by your own expectations and perception of happiness and not a life dictated by pressure and other people. I'm saying that people should do what is right for them and what they truly feel comfortable with rather than living life on their knees to the hand that feeds them.

They don't let scientists and researchers publish findings without a process of peer review... why should I allow myself to have worth that isn't validated by a 3rd party?

I'm a girl and here's my experience:

Approaching potential mates is difficult. It's something NTs struggle with, too. And no, the cold approach doesn't work that often.

A guy never approached me and I was never brave to approach a guy. Never. It didn't prevent me from dating and being in relationships. In short, approaching women and asking them out isn't the only way to find a girl. And, dare to say, it's a quite difficult way for an Aspie.

Most of the people meet through mutual friends (or job, college), and many had established certain contact before they started dating.

What I'm saying is that maybe you're focusing your energy on the wrong thing. Instead of thinking how to approach the girl, what kind of body language to have or what to say and how to ask this random stranger out, you should try to put yourself in different social situations that can make you meet more people in neutral settings.

Instead of seeing any woman as a potential partner, see her as a person you can talk to and maybe be friends with. It will make the pressure less strong and the whole situation will seem more natural.

Many men are so scared of being friend-zoned, but frankly, the only bad thing about being friend zoned is if you don't really care about the woman as a person; you just want a girlfriend. What I'm saying is, even if you become friend zoned, having a female friend can help you a lot on many different levels, from learning how to communicate with girls better to your friend introducing you to her female friends. It's much easier that way.

Also, many women prefer to get to know the guy at least a bit before he starts making a move on her. Not for too long, if you're so scared of the friend zone, but more women will be interested in dating you if they know you a bit than if you just approach them and ask them out.

i sit back on my online dating sites that i sometimes visit and just wait to be asked out which never happens. when i chat to them online they just mainly ignore me or stop talking to me after a couple of messages that lead to no where. maybe i am a homosexual and i would have better chances. loneliness and isolation created by aspergers can be life destroying for the individual person.

I have aspergers on my dating profile and i go into a lot of detail trying to explain my barriers and state that i am a victim due to my psychological and behavioural conditions.

i have aspergers on my resume and go into detail explaining my barriers to employment, bullied at school and well no employer has ever offered me a job. why should i lie about having lots of different jobs? sooner or later people will find out the truth.

my cognitive behavioural therapist and psychiatrist have recently diagnosed me with social anxiety disorder and avoidant personality. Aspergers is just another word to describe extreme social anxiety disorder, anti-social personality and avoidant personality. i have always been the way i am and nothing can change things. i have been diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic, borderline personality, bipolar disorder as well as social anxiety disorder and avoidant personality disorder. Maybe aspergers is the ultimate umbrella that can be used to put all my internal and external problems tha have destroyed my life.

i have never had any close friends, never had a job, never been on a date let alone have a girl friend. my conditions are to blame for this that have internally and externally destroyed my one chance at life.

Last edited by Dark_Lord_2008 on 28 Nov 2011, 10:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

i have never had the courage to ask females out in person. the humilation of being rejected face to face would provoke and angry violent reaction from me. been rejected once or twice face to face is enough to put you off trying again because you can assume they will all reject because women are more capable of reading other people. NTs are more capable of reading other people.

having aspergers makes it impossible to read social situations. having aspergers results in me having a mindset stuck at a young childlike age.

i have aspergers do you have aspergers? that may be the easiest way to start a conversation with a complete stranger: male or female. even that would be too much of an effort for me and i just stare or listen to my music and avoid eye contact.

online forums are best for me as i can go on and on about aspergers and how it has destroyed my life and state i am an innocent victim of my condition.

In my experience, it's not good to be friend-zoned because the friendship is never the same after that. Like, it basically becomes a one-sided friendship. The girl dumps all her problems on me but will not lend an ear to anything I have to say. That's the main reason I hate being friend zoned. I always nip it in the bud if the feelings aren't reciprocated. I'm not gonna be someone's counselor, man or woman.

Also I've never had a female friend go out of her way to introduce me to her other female friends either (I had plenty of female friends when I was younger but most of them got like the guy friends and wouldn't speak to me anymore; hell I'm not sure I could call any of them friends in retrospect). I'm not saying it never happens, but I am saying that for people like me it doesn't happen. The best course of action in that case is to either A. not care, B. wait around, or C. go out there. In my case, A is the only option.

No dates ever and never had one real close friend in my life. The trifecta of misery. If only I was born with better physical appearance, have more personality or live(d) in an earlier generation. Modern society and its breakdown and dysfunction have a lot to blame for the problems we experience in the world.

More freedom for minority groups, extreme individualism, breakdown in family, moral decay and well not much hope for the young and future generations.

Last edited by Dark_Lord_2008 on 29 Nov 2011, 6:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

Ah. I see. I know what it is. It's not about the friend zone, it's about those women.

Some women want to be "friends" with men who are attracted to them. They aren't interested in these men (be it sexually or as true friends), but they like to be admired and these admirers help them feel wanted and gain more confidence.

Not all women are like this. Heck, most of the women aren't. But some are.

Now, here's the thing. Most of these women are those who get plenty of male attention. And here's the problem: these women have plenty of male friends who are actually attracted to them. Because men are more attracted to certain women than the other ones. Heck, some men only want to be friends with women they're attracted to!

A solution? Try to connect with a different type of a woman.

On an unrelated note, I've never had a male friend and I've always wanted.