Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

Guys who don't get a second date.. would you send this?

Page 2 of 5 [ 66 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

MXH
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jul 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,057
Location: Here i stand and face the rain

08 Dec 2011, 7:15 pm

Marcia wrote:
MXH wrote:
Marcia wrote:
I suspect, going by what he says in the email, that even if she had responded to his earlier messages he still would have persisted. Instead of complaining that she didn't reply, he would have argued instead about what she said. Anyone who thinks a woman is coming onto them because she plays with her hair (google it!) isn't going to accept polite rejection calmly.

I wonder what the date was like? Maybe she was trying to strangle herself with her own hair as a means of escape!


Or maybe the woman can say "Hey listen, I didnt actually enjoy our last date because of this, this and this. It was nice meeting you, however I don't want to go out on another date with you." Pretty damn simple no? The guy would get the hint and would get some advice about what it is about him that turned her off and she would have him off her back by ignoring him as she was already doing. Win f***ing Win situation. No need for treating anyone badly, no need for assuming he is crazy, nothing.


In theory, yes, it should always be that simple. That was the approach my friend took - see my first post on this thread - and she got even more text messages which were very similar in tone and content to this guy's email.

I saw that, which is why i added the bolded part to my post. Put his number on your phones blacklist, block his email, etc.



TeaEarlGreyHot
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jul 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 28,982
Location: California

08 Dec 2011, 7:15 pm

MXH wrote:
Marcia wrote:
I suspect, going by what he says in the email, that even if she had responded to his earlier messages he still would have persisted. Instead of complaining that she didn't reply, he would have argued instead about what she said. Anyone who thinks a woman is coming onto them because she plays with her hair (google it!) isn't going to accept polite rejection calmly.

I wonder what the date was like? Maybe she was trying to strangle herself with her own hair as a means of escape!


Or maybe the woman can say "Hey listen, I didnt actually enjoy our last date because of this, this and this. It was nice meeting you, however I don't want to go out on another date with you." Pretty damn simple no? The guy would get the hint and would get some advice about what it is about him that turned her off and she would have him off her back by ignoring him as she was already doing. Win f***ing Win situation. No need for treating anyone badly, no need for assuming he is crazy, nothing.


This is all speculation on both sides. We don't know how he would have reacted if she had been direct with him because he didn't get the opportunity.

Debating what *might* have happened is pretty useless IMO.


_________________
Still looking for that blue jean baby queen, prettiest girl I've ever seen.


deconstruction
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Aug 2011
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,764

08 Dec 2011, 7:16 pm

Hmmm.... This really sounds like it was sent by an Aspie who did his best to read all the advice on body language, green lights and other social cues. So if a woman plays with her hair = she's interested (c'mon, we all know it's one of the first things people list as a sign of attraction). She also said she was glad she met him. Maybe the guy was taking things literally?

I blame him for Googling her and searching for her email. That was too much. I also blame him for bragging about his intelligence and the whole "you're making a big mistake for not wanting to see me again".

But seriously, he seems more honestly confused about the whole thing than he seems violent or even pushy. All the guy wants to know is what he did wrong and why she doesn't want to go out with him again. He thinks the date went well, they have certain things in common, and she even played with her hair, which is, according to dating tips and strategies, a sure sign a woman is interested. So he went home happy, sure that the date went well. And then - she ignores him. I guess it must have been very confusing for him, the whole thing.



MCalavera
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Dec 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,442

08 Dec 2011, 7:18 pm

MXH wrote:
Marcia wrote:
I suspect, going by what he says in the email, that even if she had responded to his earlier messages he still would have persisted. Instead of complaining that she didn't reply, he would have argued instead about what she said. Anyone who thinks a woman is coming onto them because she plays with her hair (google it!) isn't going to accept polite rejection calmly.

I wonder what the date was like? Maybe she was trying to strangle herself with her own hair as a means of escape!


Or maybe the woman can say "Hey listen, I didnt actually enjoy our last date because of this, this and this. It was nice meeting you, however I don't want to go out on another date with you." Pretty damn simple no? The guy would get the hint and would get some advice about what it is about him that turned her off and she would have him off her back by ignoring him as she was already doing. Win f***ing Win situation. No need for treating anyone badly, no need for assuming he is crazy, nothing.


Hey, free dinner is always a good thing.



MXH
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jul 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,057
Location: Here i stand and face the rain

08 Dec 2011, 7:18 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

This is all speculation on both sides. We don't know how he would have reacted if she had been direct with him because he didn't get the opportunity.

Debating what *might* have happened is pretty useless IMO.


Like i said above, she could have continued doing what she was doing already of ignoring him. Absolutely no energy involved.



blitzkrieg
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Jun 2011
Age: 114
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 17,820
Location: The line in the sand

08 Dec 2011, 7:19 pm

The email has been made an example of because of how over the top it is. It seems odd that a person would demand an apology from someone who they have only met once. He even seems to think there is a possibility of a second date when he asks her that. As if she would after reading such an email anyway. :lol: Why would he be telling someone about his brain and how he perceives it functions after a first date. Left brain, right brain, really? Lolol.
The only thing the women did wrong there was not contacting him after the date. I think most people would rather be politely rejected with that being communicated to them rather than just being ignored. He takes "directness" and "honesty" as he describes it to a new level.



TeaEarlGreyHot
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jul 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 28,982
Location: California

08 Dec 2011, 7:21 pm

MXH wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

This is all speculation on both sides. We don't know how he would have reacted if she had been direct with him because he didn't get the opportunity.

Debating what *might* have happened is pretty useless IMO.


Like i said above, she could have continued doing what she was doing already of ignoring him. Absolutely no energy involved.


Yes, she could have. On the other hand, that can also be a huge mistake as someone already pointed out he could have been one of those pushy guys that ended up being a stalker. (of course, in this case *nothing* she said or did would have made a difference)


_________________
Still looking for that blue jean baby queen, prettiest girl I've ever seen.


Vigilans
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jun 2008
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,181
Location: Montreal

08 Dec 2011, 7:22 pm

Wow. That guy is f****d. f****d I tell you. Absolutely f****d.


_________________
Opportunities multiply as they are seized. -Sun Tzu
Nature creates few men brave, industry and training makes many -Machiavelli
You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do


minervx
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Apr 2011
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,155
Location: United States

08 Dec 2011, 7:22 pm

this guy sounds very aspie.

he makes at least 30 major mistakes here.

this is desperation at its worst.



TeaEarlGreyHot
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jul 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 28,982
Location: California

08 Dec 2011, 7:23 pm

blitzkrieg wrote:
The email has been made an example of because of how over the top it is. It seems odd that a person would demand an apology from someone who they have only met once. He even seems to think there is a possibility of a second date when he asks her that. As if she would after reading such an email anyway. :lol: Why would he be telling someone about his brain and how he perceives it functions after a first date. Left brain, right brain, really? Lolol.
The only thing the women did wrong there was not contacting him after the date. I think most people would rather be politely rejected with that being communicated to them rather than just being ignored. He takes "directness" and "honesty" as he describes it to a new level.


Exactly my point.


_________________
Still looking for that blue jean baby queen, prettiest girl I've ever seen.


deconstruction
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Aug 2011
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,764

08 Dec 2011, 7:35 pm

I wonder... If you were this girl, what would you do/say to him?

Would you reply to his email?



hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

08 Dec 2011, 7:36 pm

deconstruction wrote:
Hmmm.... This really sounds like it was sent by an Aspie who did his best to read all the advice on body language, green lights and other social cues. So if a woman plays with her hair = she's interested (c'mon, we all know it's one of the first things people list as a sign of attraction). She also said she was glad she met him. Maybe the guy was taking things literally?

I blame him for Googling her and searching for her email. That was too much. I also blame him for bragging about his intelligence and the whole "you're making a big mistake for not wanting to see me again".

But seriously, he seems more honestly confused about the whole thing than he seems violent or even pushy. All the guy wants to know is what he did wrong and why she doesn't want to go out with him again. He thinks the date went well, they have certain things in common, and she even played with her hair, which is, according to dating tips and strategies, a sure sign a woman is interested. So he went home happy, sure that the date went well. And then - she ignores him. I guess it must have been very confusing for him, the whole thing.


This is a very good reason why aspies shouldn't waste their time on theoretical bollocks about "when a girl is interested". It varies from case to case.



TeaEarlGreyHot
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jul 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 28,982
Location: California

08 Dec 2011, 7:38 pm

deconstruction wrote:
I wonder... If you were this girl, what would you do/say to him?

Would you reply to his email?


If I were her, I would have been straight with him the minute he started harassing me. If I still got an email like that (and have) I would respond again with why I didn't click with him.


_________________
Still looking for that blue jean baby queen, prettiest girl I've ever seen.


deconstruction
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Aug 2011
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,764

08 Dec 2011, 7:39 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
This is a very good reason why aspies shouldn't waste their time on theoretical bollocks about "when a girl is interested". It varies from case to case.


I agree. As much as I'm all for learning social cues, the way some Aspies think they are laws is wrong. Especially in dating.



MXH
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jul 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,057
Location: Here i stand and face the rain

08 Dec 2011, 7:39 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
MXH wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

This is all speculation on both sides. We don't know how he would have reacted if she had been direct with him because he didn't get the opportunity.

Debating what *might* have happened is pretty useless IMO.


Like i said above, she could have continued doing what she was doing already of ignoring him. Absolutely no energy involved.


Yes, she could have. On the other hand, that can also be a huge mistake as someone already pointed out he could have been one of those pushy guys that ended up being a stalker. (of course, in this case *nothing* she said or did would have made a difference)


honestly whats to stop him from doing the same if she didnt talk to him? At the end of the day the results would have either been better or stayed the same. It wouldnt have gotten worse in any way.



TeaEarlGreyHot
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jul 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 28,982
Location: California

08 Dec 2011, 7:41 pm

MXH wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
MXH wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

This is all speculation on both sides. We don't know how he would have reacted if she had been direct with him because he didn't get the opportunity.

Debating what *might* have happened is pretty useless IMO.


Like i said above, she could have continued doing what she was doing already of ignoring him. Absolutely no energy involved.


Yes, she could have. On the other hand, that can also be a huge mistake as someone already pointed out he could have been one of those pushy guys that ended up being a stalker. (of course, in this case *nothing* she said or did would have made a difference)


honestly whats to stop him from doing the same if she didnt talk to him? At the end of the day the results would have either been better or stayed the same. It wouldnt have gotten worse in any way.


We don't know that at all. Some people just can't take rejection, and can start stalking their object of affection.


_________________
Still looking for that blue jean baby queen, prettiest girl I've ever seen.