Are relationships harder for aspies?

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hartzofspace
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13 Dec 2011, 9:29 pm

conan wrote:

i think they are harder but that doesn't mean much. it could be that you develop a stronger relationship as a result and are happier. like any relationship, your partner has to accept you

I think that this is the case with my fiance and I. We get a lot of challenges, but we work them out.

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bruinsy33
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13 Dec 2011, 9:50 pm

I think it depends on the expectations going into a relationship.If an individual desires an extroverted person who will accompany them to various social functions ,for example,someone with Aspergers would not be a good match.Those types of relationships would be harder for aspies .

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14 Dec 2011, 4:46 am

For me, I think it's because I have strong views of things, and I have a habit of pushing these on others. I try not to, but even without meaning it, I've said something offensive or stupid.

Wolfheart
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14 Dec 2011, 5:17 am

Dilbert wrote:

Yes it's harder. It is okay to generalize if, say, it is true for 51% of the group. With aspies I suspect the precentage of those who strugle with relationships is even higher.

I've also read somewhere that the divorce rate for people on the spectrum is higher, I don't know how credible or true that is but I've always been curious about it.

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14 Dec 2011, 5:28 am

Ive never had a relationship that was happy/healthy/ok at any point, relationships are beyond my ability, I am only capable of making people miserable and angry.

Wolfheart
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14 Dec 2011, 5:40 am

The-Raven wrote:

Ive never had a relationship that was happy/healthy/ok at any point, relationships are beyond my ability, I am only capable of making people miserable and angry.

I'm sure that's not true, everyone goes through difficult break ups and some people go through painful divorces until they meet the right person they are compatible with, you shouldn't blame yourself.

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14 Dec 2011, 1:15 pm

Magnus_Rex wrote:

At least for me, it is damn near impossible. And I am getting too old for this sh**: I am 21 years old.

im only 17, having the experience of having kissed 2 girls(my freshman year in high school i made out with my friend Janai, a Junior, a few times behind the school and once at a school football game, and last year i made out with my friend Lexi, 8th grader, twice) and having had no girlfriend or even ever felt romantically loved by another i have all but given up on finding love i have accepted that all im allowed in life is unrequited love.

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14 Dec 2011, 1:18 pm

nick007 wrote:

Tuttle wrote:

Harder, probably, impossible, no.

There are challenges that occur in relationships where one or both partner is an aspie that are caused by the autistic traits, but that doesn't change that many spectrumites have successful relationships.

I think it depends on both people in the relationship. I didn't notice any Aspie issues in the relationship when I was with my Aspie girl. I think the problem us Aspie have is that we are more different/unique from typical NTs so it's a whole lot harder for us to find someone like us

personally i think i would do great in a relationship with a female aspie around my age, the problem is NTs who are used to dating regular people and aspies are far from regular

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14 Dec 2011, 1:20 pm

The-Raven wrote:

Ive never had a relationship that was happy/healthy/ok at any point, relationships are beyond my ability, I am only capable of making people miserable and angry.

i cant even have a friendship that is happy/healthy/ok, so dito but for friendships idk about relationships but i imagine it would end worse than my friendships do

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AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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14 Dec 2011, 3:38 pm

TheKing wrote:

Magnus_Rex wrote:

At least for me, it is damn near impossible. And I am getting too old for this sh**: I am 21 years old.

That sounds neat with the slighter older girl. Now, with the part where your friend was in 8th grade, you might want to be a little careful. The law just clumsily sets lines, where if one person is on one side and the other person on the other, although sometimes if the people are within two years of each other and I just don't know about California. And it has very little to do with good I-thou ethics, such as if the person is ready to take the step and if there's ping-ponging communication either in words or nonverbally. In fact, we could call the law 'clunky.' But, be that as it may, this is currently the law and please protect yourself.

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14 Dec 2011, 3:56 pm

AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:

TheKing wrote:

Magnus_Rex wrote:

At least for me, it is damn near impossible. And I am getting too old for this sh**: I am 21 years old.

Lexi is 14 and im 17 so its ok for now *shrugs* besides it aint like we would ever date, we love each other but not like that, she is one of the only girls i absolutely trust atm

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AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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14 Dec 2011, 4:06 pm

TheKing wrote:

personally i think i would do great in a relationship with a female aspie around my age, the problem is NTs who are used to dating regular people and aspies are far from regular

And with the Internet you might be able to meet some cool aspie girls. Or, you might meet a young lady into political activism, who is quite open to people being authentically themselves. Or someone into theater and writing. Or even, you might meet a young lady planning to study business in college and major in finance (yuk) who, surprisingly, away from this very mainstream education is very open to people being different and being really different.

AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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14 Dec 2011, 4:21 pm

Now, sometimes that line is age 17. It's not always 18.

It sounds like the two of you are really good friends, and I am in favor of friendship.

bruinsy33
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14 Dec 2011, 5:36 pm

TheKing wrote:

nick007 wrote:

Tuttle wrote:

personally i think i would do great in a relationship with a female aspie around my age, the problem is NTs who are used to dating regular people and aspies are far from regular

It depends on how you define ''regular''.Personally I wouldn't want to be any other way even though my social awkwardness makes it difficult for me .Aspie's are different but in many ways those differences are actually more evolved characteristics to have.

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14 Dec 2011, 6:08 pm

AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:

Now, sometimes that line is age 17. It's not always 18.

It sounds like the two of you are really good friends, and I am in favor of friendship.

yeah im her closest male friend but with Lexi im happy only being friends she knows im an aspie and knows how hard it is for me to find a girl so she made me a deal that if, by the time im 20, im still a virgin, she will sleep so i don't end up being a virgin my whole life, that's what i like about being her closest male friend is that im her only male friend she treats that way because im different and she likes that

sexually her only problem with me is im a virgin, she said she would like to right now but she would feel bad taking my innocence, yes still talking about the 14 year old lol she was dating 19 year olds by 12 so yeah

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14 Dec 2011, 6:12 pm

bruinsy33 wrote:

TheKing wrote:

nick007 wrote:

Tuttle wrote:

personally i think i would do great in a relationship with a female aspie around my age, the problem is NTs who are used to dating regular people and aspies are far from regular

what i have learned about NTs, by watching my friends relationships is that NTs love drama in their love lives, i gather that most aspies don't so that's what i mean by regular people

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