Having a very tough time--NTgirl

Post Reply New Topic

Unfortunately, it's an uphill battle from here. You've got the dual influences of his mother plus his own internal feedback loop working against you.

This is a bad move. Never assume someone's mother is rational. Treating them as rational will almost always make things worse.

Thanks again for your help. I'm so desperately sad and your responses are giving me a lot of support. Thank you.

Mama's boy. Nobody will be good enough for him unless she picks for him who to be with. Expect alot of exclusion and he will never stand up for you.

Consider yourself spared. It's more to do with the mama boy aspect than aspergers considering there are nt's who have controlling mothers too.

TheygoMew: I've been thinking along the same lines as you. I haven't understood why I'm not good enough--maybe because I'm not a socialite or anything like that. He has said that she will be happy when he is happy. But i'm just not feeling that. I feel very excluded and deeply sad because of it. God, seeing as I haven't been in serious relationships before, I feel like all this heart-break isn't even worth all the sadness!! I wish he would stand up for me like he used to when he told me he couldn't live without me. Sorry for all the self-centered talk....i so miss my beautiful sweet aspie who I'll never forget. i don't think i'll ever love someone the way i loved this beautiful boy. it hurts.

You sound unrealistic.

Cristin. The pain will go away once you move on. Focus on you. Your hobbies, what you enjoy doing. Set him free to his real girlfriend, his mother.
If you choose to stick around, you'll know what real pain is if it really is a mama's boy situation. If not and he decides he ready to take care of himself, then it can work out but only if he's serious.

Here are some articles to read.

http://o-dirty-blonde-o.xanga.com/65965 ... ommas-boy/

http://therottenpeach.blogspot.com/2011 ... s-boy.html

add on top of that, I've known women who were with mama's boys and in one case the mother allowed her son to cheat on his wife in her own house while he was claiming he was just going to visit his mom.

Other case where emotional abuse frequently ended up moving in with his mom causing the soon to be wife to eventually leave as she could never live up to being the new real girlfriend.

The mothers of these boys have issues.

OP....I want to add something that's along the lines of what Nick007 said. There have been a number of Aspie men on this board who have actually described feeling about the new woman in their lives the same way they feel about a special interest. The problem with these men seems to be that when the obsessive feelings of romantic love end, so does the relationship. From what I've read, they tend to feel empty after the obsession subsides, which makes the relationship awkward and uncomfortable. I don't mean to make you feel worse, but it sounds like your bf may have treated you as he did in the beginning of your relationship because you were his special interest. It sounds like his obsession may have been subsiding around the time his mother decided to put her own plan into motion. But whatever the reason, he was willing to go along with her plan. That's something you can't afford to lose site of.

I second the advice you've been given to stop giving him sex - because you're not giving it freely. He's withholding affection, refusing to participate in the relationship or do any work to heal the damage between you two - but he'll gladly take the sex you've been offering. The problem, as I see it, is that you're not offering to bang the jerk he's become....you're offering to make love to the "sweet aspie" he once was, in hopes that he'll become that man again. I honestly don't know if he could ever be that guy again, but you have to deal with the man he is today. I'm afraid that continuing to stoke the feelings you had for the man he was is only going to result is prolonging and intensifying your heartache. Good luck.

So, we finalized the break-up last night.

TheyGoMew: Thanks so much for those links. He's the worst case of a mama's boy I've ever met. That's definitely going to impede him meeting someone else in the future, unless its the golden girl his mom hand-picks for him. I'm looking forward to reading the articles you posted.

HopeGrows: WOW. I think that is EXACTLY what has happened here. Thank you SO much for posting. I truly was like another special interest to him and now that obsession has deflated. Last night when we finalized the break-up, he said he was feeling extremely "nostalgic" about the feeling he used to have for me. He says he feels really bad and wishes he could get those feelings back. That goes exactly with what you are saying. Again, thank you for giving me this insight. I can't stop re-reading it because it's so 100% relevant to my situation.

Now, I'm going to search this forum for ways to get over a break-up. You guys all have such great advice. I wouldn't be able to get through this without you.