Got a dilemma, and it sucks big time.

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^ Or maybe not, jealousy in women is something hardly to be understood.

I say that Tias should try it to the end and see how things would turn out.

I'd like to think a woman who's really into you and respects you wouldn't care that some ex of hers is now with another girl because ... she's with you and she loves you.

Also, I've noticed from your posts, you tend to give women who do these things the benefit of the doubt. I personally can't respect women like that.

Well, humans are not completely monogamous by nature, she might still have something for her ex (and hence feeling jealous if he's sleeping with a girl in the next room) , yet still love Tias. She might even loves Tias far more than her ex.

Of course I am gonna give her the benefit of doubt, because we don't know her well and Tias certainly knows her better than us.

Except that when one has chosen to be in a monogamous relationship with girl, the implied agreement is that the sexual/romantic relationship occurs only between the two.

Yes, you're right he knows her more than we do. But that's why I have to read his own post in order to understand what he says/implies she's like. And I agree with what he feels. Because actions often speak louder than words.

And really, a girl I'm supposedly in a relationship with who comes to me and tells me she's jealous that her ex now has a new gf isn't going to make me think well of her. I mean, at least keep the feeling to yourself and don't let it manifest in any way. If you can't help how you feel, fine. At least be respectful of your partner and don't cause the partner this unneeded distress.

People with empathy (including Aspies) should naturally understand this. Those who don't aren't going to respect you anyway - so they're going to be trouble in the long run.

The culturally-implied everlasting monogamy wouldn't turn humans into feeling-wise monogamous creatures.





Any boyfriend would feel unconformable about this, that's natural, and Tias has the total right to be upset about it.

However, it shouldn't be an immediate deal-breaker, a bit of patience and communication won't hurt.

Look, I think you're assigning a character flaw to something that is actually a normal human process: emotional healing. There are Aspies and NTs who are able to sever all emotional links to a partner when they make the decision to leave a relationship. The ability to emotionally detach in that way seems to be more prevalent among Aspies - although that statement is based on my own personal observations.

I'm not making a value judgment about whether the ability to detach so quickly and completely is a good or bad thing. I don't believe it's an individual's choice....you're wired the way you're wired. But the vast majority of people aren't able to emotionally detach from a former partner so quickly and completely. It takes time to work through those feelings. The amount of time it takes to process a break-up typically depends on the length and seriousness of the relationship. The longer the relationship, the longer it takes to detach.

But feelings are feelings - having them has nothing to do with respecting or loving your current partner. For most people, it's hard work to heal. And it takes longer when you have to have contact with your ex. This girl's ex is within her circle of friends - to the point of dating one of her roommates. She may not want to be with him still, but not wanting to be with him is not the same thing as being indifferent to watching his new relationship blossom - in her own home. I can't imagine how hard that would be.


I think it's too bad that you wouldn't think well of a woman who admitted these difficult feelings to you. Honest communication - even when the communication is about difficult feelings - is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship.

But people can still choose to show respect. That is my point.

About the other bit you said, yeah, probably right. Up to OP at the end of the day. For me, personally, I have boundaries that no person should cross with me.

I don't have that ability that you speak of especially if after the break up or rejection, I'm single for a long time and have yet to find another girl to love as much as I loved the previous one. For me, whether I still feel or not, it's a matter of respect and knowing one's boundaries.

This:



is something I would give a lecture to the girl about. And if she persists, then she'd be out of my life in no time. That's how it goes, and that's how I think it should go for those who want respect from their partners in their relationships.



If it was an honest communication, I would've responded differently.