advice for the hopeless aspie female

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being an aspie myself... i tend to like the gals who seem different.

i would be the last person to walk up to a pretty gal in a coffee shop and speak. i'm more comfortable, with customer service stuff... helping someone with something... and then once i get to know her, i feel more comfortable walking up to her and saying hi, how was your weekend.

sorry i can;t help more.

After It was recomended by an aspie guy online I read the Myster method. The author is a Duche and some of the stuff is unethical but the begining lays out what happens between a man and a women when dating, and the reason people seek to do things the way they do. Id recomend it if only to spot duchebags trying some of the stuff.

Thanks for the responses. They were helpful.

I will probably not try dating sites because I don't really trust them.

I am not opposed to a relationship with an aspie male. I would not know where to meet one where I live.
If I saw an aspie guy I would probably not be certain that he was aspie.

It's good to know that all men aren't attracted to makeup and fashion. Getting off the computer and out of my house would probably help too.

I'm a guy that has never been in a relationship once in my life and all my chances of ever finding one has failed. It had been that way since high school and college.

I have been in one.

I met the guy on here....I don't advise that though.

He messaged me first, and I was responding out of niceness....it grew to friendship....we both were attracted and decided to pursue it further.

He came and met me once. It was the scariest thing waiting for him to come. I was all nervous at first.

But then I learned a little bit about if you think it is awkward, it will be awkward....if you don't...there is a good chance it won't.

Dating sites. Smh. I hate them....they are a good confidence booster, and a I have a few friends from there....but I met one guy off there who was a sad excuse for a life form. Plus, over 75% are just looking for sex.

There was one good thing I learned: Get the red flags out of the way at first.

Don't ignore them...they will come back to haunt you..I promise.

If your not good at small talk, then avoid it. Play to your strengths. Don't try to pretend to be something you aren't; Be yourself. If you find someone who you can talk to, and you enjoy their company then that's what really counts in my view.



Sit down opposite him, smile and say "hi". If he wasn't interested he would have kept reading his book. If he was interested in you, he'd stop reading the book and talk to you.



Yes!

If somebody enjoys your company then frankly it doesn't matter if your wearing makeup or not.

Women find it hard to accept this, but when it comes to cosmetics/clothes men largely couldn't care less.

Women tend to have less self confidence than men do in the first place, and in my view cosmetics firms play on this with "you look ugly unless you buy our product!" advertising. Sadly, many women beleive this is actually true.

That said, saying do all "men" like "..." is like saying that all women like "...".

There is no single group of men. You would have serious trouble getting every man to agree on basics like physical attractiveness since everybody is looking for something different. When it comes to personality types and interests? Forget it. There is no single type of people "men" are interested in. There are many different groups of men interested in many different types of women as I assume many different types of women are interested in different types of men.

For my part, I can say that I routinely discount large numbers of women simply based on how they dress or act. That's based on my instinct that anybody wearing highly revealing clothing in public is only interested in sex, and is advertising their looks to compensate for serious personality flaws that make them (in my view) well worth avoiding. I'm simply not interested in simply being a notch on somebodies bedpost.

Just because a man is not interested in you does not mean every man is not interested in you. Quite the contrary, in fact.



How did we begin? Badly.

Yes, to be honest I was scared at first. To be honest, your going to be nervous any time your with someone your strongly attracted to because rejection is painful. However, you can get over it with time and repeated interaction.


Yes.

A dating site is simply just another way of meeting people you would not otherwise have met. I would note however, that some of the time this is near inevitably going to include people you would not want to have met. Don't wait for people to email you; look through the people on the site and email those whom you are interested in.

Don't meet people just because they email you. If they look like they are trying to play you for sex/whatever, don't bother. These sort of people are rarely difficult to spot.

I am also curious about this. I just don't know how to meet people in real life. Plus I am a bit of a hermit. I like makeup but not clothes and shopping. Other than the makeup, I am weird and pretty introverted. Maybe it's false advertising, trying to appear "normal". I have been trying online dating but it hasn't been working for me bringing nothing but constant disappointment. I am almost ready to give up. I'm just going to get a kitten, I think.

Weird and introverted by who's standards?

If you look at the "jock" sort of men, then probably, yes. However, these sort of people are (male or female) on the balance of probabilities more likely to want to use you for sex than being interested in deep long term relationship. Is being desirable to that sort of person desirable to you?

On the other hand, If you look to the more "geeky" end of the spectrum where people are more interested in knowledge and intelligence then if you reflect on it a bit then you would have to admit that you represent a fantasy to a fairly largish group of people.

Find me and talk to me I really want to go out with someone with aspergers the only problem is I go out to a coffee shop all the time, and half of the time I don't say anything to anyone, and the other half of time I say something really stupid, but the majority of the time im looking for people like me, but none of them will talk to me, because they all have aspergers and so do i

Are you afraid to talk for fear you will say something wrong? Or, are you just not good at knowing what to say?

my advice;

1. it's up to the male to take the lead. you can move to be physically quite near him (only do that once, otherwise it will look like stalking), and just possibly you could smile shyly at him once, but do not stare at him, or start a conversation. That's his role. (In fact he needs to have that role, to build him up; if you start it it will feel wrong to him.)

2. whatever activity he suggests say yes; if he suggests you go to a church meeting, bowling, sailing, a movie you don't like, whatever, say yes. he is really saying 'do you want to try out being together?'; the actual event is just a background, it's not important. (Clearly do not say yes if you feel it could endanger your personal safety, if he seems really creepy and it means you'll be alone in an unsafe place with him, etc).

3. early on, be upfront, and say 'look I just want to say I have a thing called Asperger, which means I'm not great at interpersonal stuff, so I just want you to know I'm not trying to be rude if I do something crazy - and I'd really, really like to try getting to know you.' and later on 'please can you tell me what you like, because I'm not great at sensing it; for instance am I talking way too much or too little?'