CrazyStarlightRedux
Veteran
Joined: 13 Jan 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,028
Location: Manchester, UK.
14 Jan 2012, 7:14 pm
Miss.Hyperlexian is right. Life's a b*tch or in some cases a b*st*rd.
It's basically like a lottery...and many of those who are complete idiots in a relationship seem to win. 
15 Jan 2012, 9:50 am
15 Jan 2012, 1:22 pm
15 Jan 2012, 1:24 pm
hyperlexian wrote:
ok, so first off let me put up my flame shield, cuz i am going to say some unpopular things.
NOBODY deserves love.
love is not determined by some kind of scales of justice that tip in your favour if you are more worthy or more special than the next person. there isn't anything fair when it comes to love. there are many other factors involved that will ultimately affect if a person will ever find a life partner... and whether or not you deserve it is a completely irrelevant point.
i am not saying that people should become douchebags or as*holes, but that is another issue altogether. what i'm saying is that you can be the most deserving person on the earth and still die alone, and i think we have all met someone who seems to deserve very little - but gets love handed to them on a silver platter.
it unfair as all hell, yes. but that will never ever change.
getting hung up on the idea of being worthy/unworthy of love will lead to bitterness, resentment, and self-loathing. there isn't a magic formula that can help anybody and everybody to get a partner. advice and small changes may or may not help, and in the end a person may just have to find ways to be ok with being single. and it's NOT because a person is undeserving, but rather because life is unfair. not one of us has the power to change that.
some of us who are deserving will live and die penniless too. or friendless. or jobless. or illiterate. or mentally ill. or with chronic pain. there are many reasons why these things happen (and some of them are changeable), but deserving it (or not) is not a factor that affects the end result.
ToS, i believe you have a certain idealism or mental disconnect between how you think the world SHOULD BE and how the world actually IS. i say that not only because of this thread but also because of the thread about dressing for work. in a completely fair and just world, an employer should not care how we clothe ourselves but should instead primarily judge us the quality of our work. but they don't. in fact... in many cases i would say that the image we project is of equal importance to the work we complete.
this is somewhat parallel to the issue of love and dating. when people are attracted to us, they are not falling for us because we deserve love... and when we get hired for a job we don't get signed on because we deserve the job. these things happen because of a combination of complicated factors including suitability.... and also the way in which we present ourselves to the world. people will base their impressions of us (in work or in dating) on the package that we show them. over time, they will get to know more important things about us, but it is up to us to demonstrate right from the get-go that we are the right ones for the job or for love.
and sometimes... it may not happen.
NOBODY deserves love.
love is not determined by some kind of scales of justice that tip in your favour if you are more worthy or more special than the next person. there isn't anything fair when it comes to love. there are many other factors involved that will ultimately affect if a person will ever find a life partner... and whether or not you deserve it is a completely irrelevant point.
i am not saying that people should become douchebags or as*holes, but that is another issue altogether. what i'm saying is that you can be the most deserving person on the earth and still die alone, and i think we have all met someone who seems to deserve very little - but gets love handed to them on a silver platter.
it unfair as all hell, yes. but that will never ever change.
getting hung up on the idea of being worthy/unworthy of love will lead to bitterness, resentment, and self-loathing. there isn't a magic formula that can help anybody and everybody to get a partner. advice and small changes may or may not help, and in the end a person may just have to find ways to be ok with being single. and it's NOT because a person is undeserving, but rather because life is unfair. not one of us has the power to change that.
some of us who are deserving will live and die penniless too. or friendless. or jobless. or illiterate. or mentally ill. or with chronic pain. there are many reasons why these things happen (and some of them are changeable), but deserving it (or not) is not a factor that affects the end result.
ToS, i believe you have a certain idealism or mental disconnect between how you think the world SHOULD BE and how the world actually IS. i say that not only because of this thread but also because of the thread about dressing for work. in a completely fair and just world, an employer should not care how we clothe ourselves but should instead primarily judge us the quality of our work. but they don't. in fact... in many cases i would say that the image we project is of equal importance to the work we complete.
this is somewhat parallel to the issue of love and dating. when people are attracted to us, they are not falling for us because we deserve love... and when we get hired for a job we don't get signed on because we deserve the job. these things happen because of a combination of complicated factors including suitability.... and also the way in which we present ourselves to the world. people will base their impressions of us (in work or in dating) on the package that we show them. over time, they will get to know more important things about us, but it is up to us to demonstrate right from the get-go that we are the right ones for the job or for love.
and sometimes... it may not happen.
15 Jan 2012, 1:51 pm
15 Jan 2012, 6:38 pm
RICKY5 wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
ok, so first off let me put up my flame shield, cuz i am going to say some unpopular things.
NOBODY deserves love.
love is not determined by some kind of scales of justice that tip in your favour if you are more worthy or more special than the next person. there isn't anything fair when it comes to love. there are many other factors involved that will ultimately affect if a person will ever find a life partner... and whether or not you deserve it is a completely irrelevant point.
i am not saying that people should become douchebags or as*holes, but that is another issue altogether. what i'm saying is that you can be the most deserving person on the earth and still die alone, and i think we have all met someone who seems to deserve very little - but gets love handed to them on a silver platter.
it unfair as all hell, yes. but that will never ever change.
getting hung up on the idea of being worthy/unworthy of love will lead to bitterness, resentment, and self-loathing. there isn't a magic formula that can help anybody and everybody to get a partner. advice and small changes may or may not help, and in the end a person may just have to find ways to be ok with being single. and it's NOT because a person is undeserving, but rather because life is unfair. not one of us has the power to change that.
some of us who are deserving will live and die penniless too. or friendless. or jobless. or illiterate. or mentally ill. or with chronic pain. there are many reasons why these things happen (and some of them are changeable), but deserving it (or not) is not a factor that affects the end result.
ToS, i believe you have a certain idealism or mental disconnect between how you think the world SHOULD BE and how the world actually IS. i say that not only because of this thread but also because of the thread about dressing for work. in a completely fair and just world, an employer should not care how we clothe ourselves but should instead primarily judge us the quality of our work. but they don't. in fact... in many cases i would say that the image we project is of equal importance to the work we complete.
this is somewhat parallel to the issue of love and dating. when people are attracted to us, they are not falling for us because we deserve love... and when we get hired for a job we don't get signed on because we deserve the job. these things happen because of a combination of complicated factors including suitability.... and also the way in which we present ourselves to the world. people will base their impressions of us (in work or in dating) on the package that we show them. over time, they will get to know more important things about us, but it is up to us to demonstrate right from the get-go that we are the right ones for the job or for love.
and sometimes... it may not happen.
NOBODY deserves love.
love is not determined by some kind of scales of justice that tip in your favour if you are more worthy or more special than the next person. there isn't anything fair when it comes to love. there are many other factors involved that will ultimately affect if a person will ever find a life partner... and whether or not you deserve it is a completely irrelevant point.
i am not saying that people should become douchebags or as*holes, but that is another issue altogether. what i'm saying is that you can be the most deserving person on the earth and still die alone, and i think we have all met someone who seems to deserve very little - but gets love handed to them on a silver platter.
it unfair as all hell, yes. but that will never ever change.
getting hung up on the idea of being worthy/unworthy of love will lead to bitterness, resentment, and self-loathing. there isn't a magic formula that can help anybody and everybody to get a partner. advice and small changes may or may not help, and in the end a person may just have to find ways to be ok with being single. and it's NOT because a person is undeserving, but rather because life is unfair. not one of us has the power to change that.
some of us who are deserving will live and die penniless too. or friendless. or jobless. or illiterate. or mentally ill. or with chronic pain. there are many reasons why these things happen (and some of them are changeable), but deserving it (or not) is not a factor that affects the end result.
ToS, i believe you have a certain idealism or mental disconnect between how you think the world SHOULD BE and how the world actually IS. i say that not only because of this thread but also because of the thread about dressing for work. in a completely fair and just world, an employer should not care how we clothe ourselves but should instead primarily judge us the quality of our work. but they don't. in fact... in many cases i would say that the image we project is of equal importance to the work we complete.
this is somewhat parallel to the issue of love and dating. when people are attracted to us, they are not falling for us because we deserve love... and when we get hired for a job we don't get signed on because we deserve the job. these things happen because of a combination of complicated factors including suitability.... and also the way in which we present ourselves to the world. people will base their impressions of us (in work or in dating) on the package that we show them. over time, they will get to know more important things about us, but it is up to us to demonstrate right from the get-go that we are the right ones for the job or for love.
and sometimes... it may not happen.
i think we have all seen rich men who can't find love either. finding a gold-digger is not the same thing. easier sex opportunities != easier love. more money sometimes just brings more problems.
15 Jan 2012, 6:49 pm
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