Why not just date the same sex?

Page 2 of 9 [ 136 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 9  Next

Dantac
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jan 2008
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,672
Location: Florida

19 Jan 2012, 11:13 pm

Ai_Ling wrote:
So I was talking to my friend the other day and she said in a long term relationship, you need someone to be like a best friend, who understands you and you can share your life with. You need to be able to be friends with your partner. So I was thinking, a lot of people want someone who they have similar interests, values, things in common, and are kinda like them. Well of course you don't want them to be a mirror image of you. So I was thinking, why not just date someone of the same sex. Why are we so focused on heterosexuality? Sure we can still find someone of the opposite sex too but wouldn't people have a higher chance at finding there soul mates if they dated the same sex too?


Worked for the ancient greeks.

Then again, they also wrote insanely good comedies and tragedies.


Coincidence? ;)



Ai_Ling
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Nov 2010
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,891

20 Jan 2012, 1:36 am

iceveela wrote:

Relationships are not about sex... just sexual attraction. Ever seen what many girls and guys wear on these dates? Cleavage showing shirts, jeans that show a nice butt, make-up galore, nails, BLING! and for the guy it is usually a shower, a haircut, nicish clothing, and the air of masculinity.

but the thing is, it is NOT all about sex, but sexual implications ARE involved. DATE turns into RELATIONSHIP on the hierarchy scale of social acceptance. If you are not planning on having a RELATIONSHIP than you do not want to DATE. but having a PLAYDATE is a different story.

this is all very complicated and everything I have learned about it has been on television shows and from people talking to me about it at school... so i don't really understand it.

ask people who actually have strong social bonds this question. That way you will get better answers.


You do have a point, there is plenty of sexual implications there. But then thats simply the beginning of a relationship if the date evolves into a relationship. To me all that looks/physical attraction is just dating rituals. When were talking long term wise, all that "sexual" attraction is really a small portion of the relationship. There are numerous people whom you can be attracted to but could not have a relationship with. Long term relationships involve understanding, compromise(other factors) and really being able to work with each other to share your life with. And I'm sure there are many people who can share there lives with someone of the same sex. You don't have to be attracted to them.

You hear people constantly grumbling about there significant others or people they might get involved with. I dislike men/women yet you still date them? Its like why? Couldn't you be happier with someone of the same sex?



Burzum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Apr 2011
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,205

20 Jan 2012, 1:43 am

Can't make babies with someone of the same gender



aureolin
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2011
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 22

20 Jan 2012, 2:48 am

So basically, heterosexual life partners (tvtropes is a completely reliable source). Though seriously, I'd prefer a lifelong best friend over a boyfriend/husband. Romance and sexual attraction tend to make relationships more complicated than they need to be, but I'm aware that most people don't share this view.



Who_Am_I
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2005
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,632
Location: Australia

20 Jan 2012, 3:21 am

All the other girls have cooties.


_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I


CrazyCatLord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2011
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,177

20 Jan 2012, 3:25 am

I have actually tried dating men. I'm not really bisexual, but not entirely hetero either. I'm what people often refer to as bi-curious, somewhere between a 1 or 2 on the Kinsey scale.

But people always assumed that I was gay and I've encountered my fair share of homophobia. This has caused me a lot of trouble and confusion as a teenager, and at some point I thought I'd just give it a try. So I met some guys in AOL chatrooms and invited them over (not all at the same time of course).

Alas, it didn't really work for me. I'm only attracted to a certain part of the male body, the rest kind of freaks me out. Body hair is a huge turn-off for me, and so are male scents. I somehow managed to get excited enough to, erm, see things through, but I felt horrible afterwards.

I've also thought about living in a flat share with a good friend, without anything sexual, but I can't see that working for me either. I've always valued my privacy more than human company, and nowadays I'm too sociophobic to have another person around. I've often wished I was gay, that would have made things so much easier for me back in the day. I got all the peer abuse without the benefits.



CrazyCatLord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2011
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,177

20 Jan 2012, 3:33 am

Ai_Ling wrote:
... When were talking long term wise, all that "sexual" attraction is really a small portion of the relationship. ...


It is a very important portion though. People bond through sex, and need physical affection and tenderness for their emotional well-being. If you were living with a good friend, chances are that he would meet a person of the opposite sex at some point and move out. Like fraac said, the biological imperative trumps friendship.



CrazyCatLord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2011
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,177

20 Jan 2012, 3:47 am

iceveela wrote:
Relationships are not about sex... just sexual attraction. Ever seen what many girls and guys wear on these dates? Cleavage showing shirts, jeans that show a nice butt, make-up galore, nails, BLING! and for the guy it is usually a shower, a haircut, nicish clothing, and the air of masculinity.


...and status symbols :) Not that I wan't want to stereotype, but social status is an important attribute for a man who wants to attract women. Most women are hypergynous, meaning they are (often subconsciously) looking for a partner who has a slightly higher social status than themselves. Or at least not a lower status.

This also helps explain why aspie men have such a hard time attracting NT women. AS and HFA are seen as disorders, which causes a huge status loss no matter how successful we (aspie men) might be in our career.

In addition, women take greater efforts to gauge the mental health of potential mates, because sex with a physically stronger and more aggressive male is a huge risk for females. Of course men with ASDs are completely sane, but our inability to read and send social cues can nonetheless ring alarm bells. Women are looking for kind and understanding partners, and we aspie guys have a hard time demonstrating our kindness and compassion.



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,623
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

20 Jan 2012, 4:52 am

CrazyCatLord wrote:
I have actually tried dating men. I'm not really bisexual, but not entirely hetero either. I'm what people often refer to as bi-curious, somewhere between a 1 or 2 on the Kinsey scale.

But people always assumed that I was gay and I've encountered my fair share of homophobia. This has caused me a lot of trouble and confusion as a teenager, and at some point I thought I'd just give it a try. So I met som guys in AOL chatrooms and invited them over (not all at the same time of course).

Alas, it didn't really work for me. I'm only attracted to a certain part of the male body, the rest kind of freaks me out. Body hair is a huge turn-off for me, and so are male scents. I somehow managed to get excited enough to, erm, see things through, but I felt horrible afterwards.

I've also thought about living in a flat share with a good friend, without anything sexual, but I can't see that working for me either. I've always valued my privacy more than human company, and nowadays I'm too sociophobic to have another person around. I've often wished I was gay, that would have made things so much easier for me back in the day. I got all the peer abuse without the benefits.

Lots thought I was gay too. I'm sort of on the asexuality spectrum; my desire to have sex is dependent on my partner's, I don't really care about attraction & looks are NOT important to me. I really considered trying to become gay or at least being with other guys when I'm very lonely & frustrated because gay guys are drawn me & women friend-zone me because I'm so sweet but I think I would feel sick if I did try doing something with a guy I seriously really wish I was gay sometimes


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


monkees4va
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2008
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 379
Location: Scotland

20 Jan 2012, 7:09 am

I am attracted to men. I can appreciate female beauty to the point people have asked me if I'm bi, but it does nothing for me. A relationship is hugely the passion that happens inside it, and no I'm not just talking about sex. You have to be physically as well as emotionally attracted to someone for a deep loving connection to occur. Also, sex is crucial in releasing the 'love' hormone oxytocin, which creates bonding and feelings of protection. There are theories regarding that for autistics this hormone is not released as much, but from personal experience I know I'm ruled by it. I also have quite a high sex drive, especially when near someone I'm attracted too.
I couldn't have a relationship with a girl, especially an NT one. Women can be evil manipulative b*tches at times which I find incredibly hard to deal with. Most of my friends are male because of this. Yes both sexes have their flaws, but I just find men easier to deal with. They seem to be more logical about decision making (not letting emotions rule every decision) and more straightforward. Also I have a few aspie friends, who are all male. It's interesting to hear about their struggles with NT women, but aspie women are typically more likely to give them a chance. Maybe if I met an aspie female I would change my mind, but I'm firmly set on the idea that only a male can be my ideal partner. From sex, attraction, bonding and procreation, I just couldn't do it with a girl. They lack the right equipment, both the physical (wink wink) and emotional.


_________________
I'm a girl people!
"Do or do not; there is no try." -Yoda
Your Aspie score: 157 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 65 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie


mv
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jun 2010
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,131

20 Jan 2012, 8:01 am

To me, sex is a very important part of a relationship. I don't want to say I date primarily for sex, but for all intents and purposes, it pretty much comes to that.

I don't begin to feel "partner-y" feelings unless the sexual component is there. There's just no physiological need for me to be a partner otherwise.

It's interesting reading this thread; mostly it comes down to what each individual is looking for in a relationship (and it's quite varied, it seems!). I could never think, "Oh, sex and sexual attraction is just a tiny part of a relationship, and only at the beginning."

Oh, I'm 44, and female, and I've always been like this. :wink:



AstroGeek
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jan 2011
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,582

20 Jan 2012, 9:43 am

Um... people who are wishing they are gay are only saying that because they don't know what it's like. Try having every single guy you have a crush on turn out to be straight. Try living in fear that your government is going to enact legislation to discriminate against you. Try dealing with your grandparents constantly asking if you've met any cute girls because you don't have the nerve to tell them that it's the cut boys that have been catching your attention. Try finding someone who wants a long term relationship if you, like me, aren't attracted to those who are obviously gay. If you go to the LGBT forum you will see that, for all of these reasons and more, there is a thread about how much easier it would be if we were straight.



hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

20 Jan 2012, 9:57 am

CrazyCatLord wrote:
...and status symbols :) Not that I wan't want to stereotype, but social status is an important attribute for a man who wants to attract women. Most women are hypergynous, meaning they are (often subconsciously) looking for a partner who has a slightly higher social status than themselves. Or at least not a lower status.

i haven't observed that phenomenon. do you have a source on that? from what i've read both men and women tend to date and marry others of similar socioeconomic and education levels.


_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
viewtopic.php?t=391105


hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

20 Jan 2012, 9:59 am

monkees4va wrote:
I am attracted to men. I can appreciate female beauty to the point people have asked me if I'm bi, but it does nothing for me. A relationship is hugely the passion that happens inside it, and no I'm not just talking about sex. You have to be physically as well as emotionally attracted to someone for a deep loving connection to occur. Also, sex is crucial in releasing the 'love' hormone oxytocin, which creates bonding and feelings of protection. There are theories regarding that for autistics this hormone is not released as much, but from personal experience I know I'm ruled by it. I also have quite a high sex drive, especially when near someone I'm attracted too.
I couldn't have a relationship with a girl, especially an NT one. Women can be evil manipulative b*tches at times which I find incredibly hard to deal with. Most of my friends are male because of this. Yes both sexes have their flaws, but I just find men easier to deal with. They seem to be more logical about decision making (not letting emotions rule every decision) and more straightforward. Also I have a few aspie friends, who are all male. It's interesting to hear about their struggles with NT women, but aspie women are typically more likely to give them a chance. Maybe if I met an aspie female I would change my mind, but I'm firmly set on the idea that only a male can be my ideal partner. From sex, attraction, bonding and procreation, I just couldn't do it with a girl. They lack the right equipment, both the physical (wink wink) and emotional.

i think it's a matter of choosing your poison. men and women are pretty much equal in terms of manipulation etc, but they seem to be socialised to express it differently.


_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
viewtopic.php?t=391105


Miharu
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 413
Location: Europe

20 Jan 2012, 11:11 am

Ai_Ling wrote:
So I was talking to my friend the other day and she said in a long term relationship, you need someone to be like a best friend, who understands you and you can share your life with. You need to be able to be friends with your partner. So I was thinking, a lot of people want someone who they have similar interests, values, things in common, and are kinda like them. Well of course you don't want them to be a mirror image of you. So I was thinking, why not just date someone of the same sex. Why are we so focused on heterosexuality? Sure we can still find someone of the opposite sex too but wouldn't people have a higher chance at finding there soul mates if they dated the same sex too?


That's like asking a gay guy why he doesn't date girls and why he's so focused on homosexuality. -_-



Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,916
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

20 Jan 2012, 11:11 am

Burzum wrote:
Can't make babies with someone of the same gender


Actually that is not true, we do have the technology to make babies without having two people of the opposite gender sleep together.


_________________
We won't go back.