Serious trouble in a long-term relationship

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You are staying with him because he excites certain parts of your limbic system. His jerkass behavior is "alpha" to your subconscious.

But in all seriousness, get the F*** out of there before you wind up dead.

Don't be a ret*d.

f**k all these medical explanations and excuse making....get away from this guy. Call the cops and get a restraining order if you have too! One of these days he really will kill you...and then apologize to your corpse!! Seriously, he cant be that great and you don't need to spend your life with a mean drunk!

Agree

People will change over time, he is not nessesarily the same person now as he was when you met him. These things will sneak up on you, develop slowly step by step. I have been there (not nearly as violent as this - but nevertheless). You might love him, and want to support him and you might be the faithfull Aspie type with an endless patience, but they do NOT deserve it. Get away and be glad that you have no children (I have) it makes things so much more complicated. Even more important, you do not deserve it. When you get some time to contemplate i hope you will see that it is sensible to get out of there (it will take time to realize what happened maybe ½ - 1 year)

Yeah, I know, but it's so easy to forget when he acts the way we met the first time. Hes courting, I know, but it's hard when he is puppy-eyeing next to me asking not to be so cold. Damn hard, but so far so good. He game me the mortgage. I hate myself for being so soft, but I can't be angry with him (or with anybody for long), I know it's hard for him to open for anybody else, out of fear he'd lose his prestige. I know I'd get over him sooner if I didn't have to talk to him daily. Sundays he has been sleeping on the couch and I am exhausted all Monday.



When I was younger, one of my friends (my friends are his friends or their girlfriends , which is kinda difficult too) bit me hard in my hand, just trying to get me angry. It didn't work.
I have been told I have the nerves of a cow. Unless somebody b*****s to me when I am peeling potatoes, then they get hit by a flying potato. It's a reflex, I hate that job so much.

Sometimes I feel like I know I'll fail, and take him back, he's soo reassuring and gentle and weepy. ((my mom had a nightmare about that))
But when I am alone, I feel so much stronger. Somehow I still feel so guilty about all this. I don't know why.
I know I can't kill myself, but I occasionally really want to die, so when the said situation was on I really really just wanted to push him over the edge instead of calming rational talk, but thats just evil, what would he have done after that? Killed himself too or just gone to jail?
Oh well, time to bed.

I donnou, just updating the situation. Now I find myself in a new budding relationship to a man who has had a crush on me for a long time. I wanted to be alone for a few years, but it just accidentaly happened. Funny thing he lives very close to my house. My ex is currently in India, but will be back in a month, yikes.
It's just so weird being with someone so gentle and shy, but I can't stop smiling like an idiot. Still I kinda worry that maybe I am with him for the wrong reasons even though I can't recognize them inside me. I want to tell him it can't work, 'cause I really want it to. Somehow this is much more intimidating than my former relationship, I feel much more vunerable. Not to mention the fact that my ex knows and he isn't really ready to let me go. Hmm, when he went to India I realized I don't feel for him anymore, now I am starting to lose my patience with him.
How in the world did I get into this kinda mess again? I feel like I don't deserve him and he seems to think I am too good for him, weird...

Surely the guy must know that he is doing wrong? He doesn't own you, so he has no right to do these things you mentioned. Why he repeats it is strange to me. He needs help and you need to not let him do it to you again.

Don't tell me, he went there to hunt tigers, right?
I hadn't read this topic earlier, and I'm no psychologist or anything, but after reading it now, I wonder if he uses hunting as a way to satisfy his need for killing...

Hmmm, that sounds dangerous, particularly since you say he's going back in a month.
But really, that *he* isn't ready doesn't matter at all; it's *your* life that's important. He isn't your owner, you're not his (or anyone's) property. To hell with him.

So, just keep him away. If you have to move to a different country (Panam, New Zealand, South Africa, whatever) and leave no address, do it.
OK, who's 'him' this time? Your ex or the current guy?

The current one of course. I haven't heard from my ex since I told him about the new guy (he wanted me to tell, better that he can adjust himself in a different country than having to face it here), I am hoping the fear that I will tell everybody about the things he has done will keep him under control. Hmm, I know now that i have been with a psycho for 13 years, I hope that's a lesson learned.