How do you get a girl to hang out with you?

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baaaark
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29 Jan 2012, 11:42 am

I asked if a girl I talked to wanted to go bowling with my friends. She said maybe, but never came so I never talked to her again?

Should I have asked her out twice? I feel like I'm being clingy if I talk too much.



AnonymousAnonymous
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29 Jan 2012, 4:42 pm

baaaark wrote:
I feel like I'm being clingy if I talk too much.


I feel the same way too.

As of recent, a girl from my past {Picture me with red hair, blue eyes, glasses, with a raspy voice, and overweight, but that's beside the point...} found me on Facebook. We began talking and hit it off well. We did go out on a "date" about two weeks ago, but it was just awkward.

She is currently going through a bit of a rough time, as she still lives
with her family and works crappy hours at a grocery store near her home.

Should I leave her alone, or try to provide as much moral support as possible?


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modernorchid
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07 Feb 2012, 4:08 pm

"Maybe" can mean a lot of different things. How did she say it, body language, facial expression, was she alone when you asked? Is she NT? It can mean..... 1) I may have something better to do, but I'll keep it in mind, 2) I don't want to hurt your feelings by saying no, 3) I want to hang out with you but don't know your friends, 4) I think I am free that day but I have to check, 5) I am playing hard to get and want to see how interested you are in me, 6) If I can get my friends to go with me, 7) I am a horrible bowler and don't want to make a fool of myself, etc.

Try inviting her on a one on one outing. Example, after small talk... I'm going to the bookstore on __________, you want to hangout? I'll treat you to some ____________ after.

Best of Luck.



mds_02
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07 Feb 2012, 5:44 pm

baaaark wrote:
And girls are cool with being that forward? Being that assertive makes me nervous, cause I'm afraid I've read her wrong and she thinks I'm creepy. It sucks having little clue what she's feeling. But trying something new like this is no fun anyway.

Actually calling someone scares me too, cause its all real-time, lol. I guess I have to be able to talk to them at some point, though, might as well be sooner than later.

Thanks!


Yeah, they usually kinda expect guys to be forward. And even if a girl isn't into you she usually won't think too badly of you for trying. That is, of course, as long as you look carefully for signs that she's not interested and back off right away if you notice any. Noticing those signs can be tricky, even for NT guys, so I usually play it safe and leave her alone if she gives me short answers to questions or takes a while getting back to me or something. For instance, I think you did right backing off with the girl who said maybe about bowling and never showed. Still, once you're willing to take those first steps, you'll be surprised at how many girls are willing to give you a chance.

The trick is to be willing to approach a good number of girls. Some people will say that that's being indiscriminate. I think it's the opposite; focusing on one girl before you really know her, or only trying with one girl every few months or so only reduces your chances of finding the ones that are the best match for you. Which is what you should be thinking about. Yeah, you'll be nervous trying to make a good impression, but reminding yourself that the other half of the reason why you are talking to her is to decide whether you like her can help keep the nervousness in check.

Besides, even if you do get one of those that takes your interest poorly, what have you lost? I mean, who cares if some girl you're not going to be spending time with anyway thinks less of you? It stings a bit at first, but any positive reactions you get will more than outweigh that. Just don't let yourself get too hung up on any one girl before you really get to know her. But really, the harsh ones are in the minority.


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DiabloDave363
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10 Feb 2012, 12:23 pm

look at her and respect her a person, not a "girl". they like to be treated as so at first. from my experience that is a great way to get them to like you. but you have to act at the right time or you will be trapped in the dreaded friend zone.

find something you both like. if you share something hobby in common then maybe ask to do that together. bring up a movie, if she bites and says she wants to see it, ask to see it together (as friends not a date). If you have any malls in your area that is also a great place to start.


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BurningMoose
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19 Feb 2012, 8:54 pm

baaaark wrote:
tronist wrote:
baaaark wrote:
So I will try to go out and meet girls. I decided that the best thing to do was be my weird self, so if she likes me its actually me and not a facade. So sometimes I get lucky and they find me funny and we become friends on Facebook or something (I feel like a creep asking for a number). But when I message them the next day or two I get no reply. And I can't read people well, but I swear they liked me when I'm talking to them.

I usually only message once, then if they don't respond I give up.

I know it is hard to give advice online, but if anyone has any suggestions of any sort, I would love to hear them. Even if you question your reply's pertinance, its better than no response to me. This is BY FAR the most frustrating aspect of my life, and feel so clueless.
did you try facebook chat? talk to them for a bit on facebook. after a while, if you feel its going well, say 'hey, i'd much rather talk to you on the phone, whats your phone number?'

then ask them if they'd like to hang out sometime!


And girls are cool with being that forward? Being that assertive makes me nervous, cause I'm afraid I've read her wrong and she thinks I'm creepy. It sucks having little clue what she's feeling. But trying something new like this is no fun anyway.

Actually calling someone scares me too, cause its all real-time, lol. I guess I have to be able to talk to them at some point, though, might as well be sooner than later.

Thanks!


Asking for a girl's number isn't really that "forward" in my opinion, but the answer is: it depends. Some girls respond really well to blunt/direct communication, some like to play games, and some like to take it slow. Note: don't ask her which type she is, because even she probably doesn't know unless she's older and more experienced.

What I can say is that blunt straightforwardness usually works for me better than the whole indirect thing. Girls usually know if you like them anyway, so putting off asking her whatever it is you want is just going to be seen as weakness on your part.

Try to be assertive and direct. Some truly ridiculous evenings have resulted from just telling a woman what I wanted to do with her, and her saying "ok!"



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19 Feb 2012, 9:41 pm

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Ruska2465
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19 Feb 2012, 9:44 pm

I agree with a previous poster, expand your group of friends. Of all the dates that I have been on, most of them have been directly or indirectly through my circle. Ask your friends if you know of a single girl. That way, if somebody sets you up, you don't have to worry about asking for the first date.



MR20
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19 Feb 2012, 11:20 pm

baaaark wrote:
So I will try to go out and meet girls. I decided that the best thing to do was be my weird self, so if she likes me its actually me and not a facade. So sometimes I get lucky and they find me funny and we become friends on Facebook or something (I feel like a creep asking for a number). But when I message them the next day or two I get no reply. And I can't read people well, but I swear they liked me when I'm talking to them.

I usually only message once, then if they don't respond I give up.

I know it is hard to give advice online, but if anyone has any suggestions of any sort, I would love to hear them. Even if you question your reply's pertinance, its better than no response to me. This is BY FAR the most frustrating aspect of my life, and feel so clueless.


Don't listen to any of the people's advice about changing yourself/behaving differently. Keep doing what you are doing. If a girl is really interested, she'll want you for you. f**k changing yourself just to impress females.

Ignore the BS about "social circle" and "confidence".



BurningMoose
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20 Feb 2012, 7:23 pm

MR20 wrote:
baaaark wrote:
So I will try to go out and meet girls. I decided that the best thing to do was be my weird self, so if she likes me its actually me and not a facade. So sometimes I get lucky and they find me funny and we become friends on Facebook or something (I feel like a creep asking for a number). But when I message them the next day or two I get no reply. And I can't read people well, but I swear they liked me when I'm talking to them.

I usually only message once, then if they don't respond I give up.

I know it is hard to give advice online, but if anyone has any suggestions of any sort, I would love to hear them. Even if you question your reply's pertinance, its better than no response to me. This is BY FAR the most frustrating aspect of my life, and feel so clueless.


Don't listen to any of the people's advice about changing yourself/behaving differently. Keep doing what you are doing. If a girl is really interested, she'll want you for you. f**k changing yourself just to impress females.

Ignore the BS about "social circle" and "confidence".


Do you behave the same way in class or at work as you do around your friends or family? Or do you filter yourself and modify what you'd normally do in order to succeed in those places? There is a world of difference between "changing yourself" and "behaving differently."



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20 Feb 2012, 7:27 pm

If she is a woman, refer to her as such. Otherwise, just be you. If people don't like you, balls to 'em.

(Says a 23-year-old virgin that has never had a girlfriend.) ;)