Why bother really

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Im not going to bother with dating again ever.

I dont see how I could ever have a relationship with anyone, Im so alienated from society, so different, my mind and way of viewing the world and thinking feels so different from other people, I cant imagine i could meet someone who could relate to me in anyway.

On top of that Im not very nice, Im quite grumpy and fierce and serious (not fun in any way) im ridgid and controlling and very driven (dont even mention changing as ive tried that and its 'a suit which does not fit').

And on top of that Ive got 3 kids (well 2 kids and one on the way) and they are quite challenging in their behaviour and characters and not something men would 'take on'.

My plan is to get a dog if ever I feel 'that' lonely as they are very loving and affectionate and very tolerant of one being a 'bad' person.

But on the whole im not very lonely, Im very busy and my interests are solo ones and my social needs are mostly met by 'small talk' with the cashier in the shop.

I really cant see myself ever being in a relationship with someone again, probably not even a friendship.

Man needs to get himself in Poundland or Pizza Hut in Wigan or Rotherham.

hey MR20, you should try to be more like blackstar from souleater even 1% more like him would do you a world of good, i think

(everyone would likely benefit from being a bit more like blackstar. i sure would!)

Come on man, Blackstar's obviously compensating for something or has huge issues or else he wouldn't act that way.

I feel this way as well. You were able to explain it better than I could. It's why I don't have any friends now (male or female) and why I've had huge problems with that in the past.

I'm just "different" and not normal. (despite repeated attempts to try and appear normal) I viewed things differently, and I didn't place as much value on certain things as other people did.

Whenever I hung out with people that I considered "friends" I could never be myself. It's like I have to put on an act to avoid embarrassing myself. (which didn't really help) It led to a lot of stress and pressure whenever I was around people in social situations. Then there's the issue with my appearance and how I talk. I got ridiculed and mocked constantly.

Even with all that I still had problems connecting/relating to people. So why put myself through all that just for nothing? I think I'm better off to myself in my room, no pressure, stress, ridicule, worries about being taken advantage, etc

thats how I feel exactly! Its just not worth the high levels of stress, anxiety and pressure.

I understand it may be difficult for you to love again but I'm sure you could find the strength and faith to love again. You have children and although they can be challenging, I'm sure they are very rewarding at the same time and bring a playful energy to your life. In fact, many people on the spectrum feel and think differently, you have the experience to help and guide them with issues that could be relevant to you.

Not everyone is out to destroy the lives of others or manipulate and control people, it is true that people can be cruel and self satisfying in this world but if you only focus on the negative people and experiences, you will never notice the positive ones.

I agree, if you feel that you are happier by not living your life by social pressure, by all means, don't. You are your own person and you should live life by your own expectations, not those that others force on you. You need to focus and find positive aspects in your life before engaging in a relationship.

I know financial concern is an issue for you but have you ever thought about running an eBay business or selling antiques? It requires a good eye for attention to detail which is something you might have and you could work from home most of the time.

Guys, pay attention to this. Seriously, it is quite possibly the the most helpful thing you will ever hear when it comes to getting and maintaining a healthy relationship.

There are a lot of very bitter men here. And, for most of them, that bitterness is understandable. Loneliness is painful. Rejection, even more so. But just because the bitterness is understandable, natural even, that does not mean that it is helpful.

Leave the past, leave the bitterness behind. If all you can think about when approaching a girl is past rejection, then you'll probably get rejected again. If all you can think about when you're getting closer is how you've been mistreated before, you will drive her away.

I know that I, after a lot of rejection, after being very badly mistreated, then left in a very cruel way, once I finally did find someone, fell prey to this sort of thinking. It was hard getting past my "women are all b*****s" mindset. But, until I did, until I stopped assuming they all had unrealistic expectations and admitted I hadn't been doing the best with what qualities I had, it was impossible for me to find a girl at all. And until I stopped blaming them for abandoning me and looked honestly at how I had contributed to their leaving, I could not keep one.

Sure, there may be similarities in what some girls want. There may be similarities in how some girls act. But, if every time you meet a girl you instantly assign to her all the negative traits of all the ones who've been unkind to you in the past, then you deprive yourself of the chance to find the ones that are right for you. The ones that can look past your imperfections and see, and want, the real you.

I dont at all think all people are horrible or cruel, my ex was really nice, you could not meet a more kind, caring, gentle aspie man, however i am very difficult and brought out the worst in him and I think i would bring out the worst in anyone (as i always have).

its not like Ive had a wonderfully happy life with everything going right, I make people cross, irritated and annoyed in all spheres of my life since i was a toddler no matter how hard I try.

The only time I feel normal and ok is when Im on my own.

aswell I have so little of me to give, I can only manage being with people for limited periods of time and most people want more than that in a relationship or friendship. I found before when my ex visited, that I could put off my routine and interests for a bit but after a day or so I got progressively more irritable and tense until i 'blew up' in some way. I think it would be very hard to find someone who wanted to meet no more than once a week for a few hours and for the relationship to not progress beyond that.

I doubt that, some people just aren't compatible, sometimes it takes people many years before they find the right person or career for them. Even if someone is kind and caring, it doesn't mean they are assertive or able to deal with certain behaviors, I don't think that means you aren't compatible with anyone. It just sounds like you need someone that can view the situation from a third person perspective and discern certain traits, moods or thoughts that could lead to conflict. Someone can have all the patience in the world but if there isn't a mutual understanding or strategy of how to cope with certain situations or problems that arise in a relationship, they are simply going to be hitting their fist against a wall. You shouldn't blame yourself for that or feel unworthy of finding love.

Many people haven't had the best lives but the past doesn't define you, your mistakes and scars don't have to determine your future or define your happiness, you can still find happiness.

I used to be that way and keep grudges against the opposite sex. I blamed them for my loneliness because they wouldn't give me a chance, and I thought of most of them as coldhearted and slu*ty b*****s.

It took me awhile but I finally realized that it was my fault. I couldn't blame them for not wanting to date someone as inferior/repulsive as me. I just put myself in their shoes. They can only date who they are attractive to, and I just didn't have any attractive qualities. It may be sad but it's just simple.

It's why I haven't bothered asking out any girls in the past few years. Why waste their time and mine?

It's good that you are letting go of grudges. And not comparing yourself to others, as you mentioned earlier, is probably the healthiest thing you could do. But why have you given up on improving your perceived (and I still think you are far too hard on yourself) flaws so that you can do better in the future?

I was thinking about this last night, and i think the root of the problem is not being able to be myself around people.

Its not being myself which makes social stuff so draining and stressful, the pressure to perform and to hide myself. I think if I was able to be myself around someone i would find it much more pleasant and would be less irritable and stressed. I can be myself round my children and enjoy their company so I know it is possible, but Ive not found anyone else i can be myself around.

I need to try and be myself all the time as previously if I let any 'bit of myself' out, its met with anger, ridicule or scorn. I think this is because people who are attracted to the 'mask' are not the same as who would like the 'real me', so I need to 'get rid' of the people who would react badly from the beginning, rather than getting rejected once they get to 'know me'.

I think its a big mistake of mine as it means I never get any positive feedback, as if people like me (the mask) its not me so its doesnt make me feel liked or loved, I need to be able to be myself and be liked for that to be able to feel liked or loved.

I understand how that can feel, it can be extremely draining and tiring when you are trying to process everything happening around you and at the same time, focusing on how you are perceived by other people. People tend to expect you to behave how you perceive yourself to be in your characteristics and body language so when you show them the unexpected, it is met with negativity because they lack the understanding to see it from your perspective or point of view and that misunderstanding leads to conflict.

People adapt to their social surroundings and settings so it could be that being around these people makes you feel even more pressurized to act in a certain way that will gain their approval or please them, even though you are truly incompatible with them.