Female aspies, what are your difficulties in relationships?

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Age: 42
Sexual orientation/preferences: heterosexual
Longest relationship: 10 years
What you look for in a mate: easy going personality, intelligent, creative, sense of humor, unique appearance
What your mates like about you: curvy, interests, nice with a hard edge
Are you comfortable 'dating'?: I never liked the idea of dating. I prefer to be friends or at least acquaintances first.
Your difficulties when you like a potential mate: Not knowing how to approach them with subtlety without scaring them off
Your difficulties when the potential mate likes/pursues you: Not knowing they actually have an interest in me. If we had gotten to the point of mutual interest at least I know when to make or anticipate a move.

Age:33
Sexual orientation/preferences: straight
Longest relationship: married for last 9 years it is a arranged marriage
What you look for in a mate: understanding, caring, loving,
What your mates like about you: since it was a arranged marriage probably he liked my simplicity
Are you comfortable 'dating'?: hmm i have never dated so cant say
Your difficulties when you like a potential mate: i suffered from erotomania and was pushed, shoved away by many guys since i was a obsessive crazy person
Your difficulties when the potential mate likes/pursues you: many were not suitable for me, now im married so its difficult
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Age: 24
Sexual orientation/preferences: heterosexual
Longest relationship: 4 years on and off
What you look for in a mate: Most importantly, someone I can connect with. Other than that hopefully he is agnostic or is an atheist, shows appreciation for good music,food, and drink.Is someone I can trust, mature, can talk about anything and everything.
What your mates like about you: They tell me I'm unlike any other girls, artsy,unique,honest
Are you comfortable 'dating'?: Really depends on the person.
Your difficulties when you like a potential mate: fear of rejection? shyness
Your difficulties when the potential mate likes/pursues you: if I like the guy too then making it work would be difficult. If I don't like the guy then I'll have hard time to tell him nicely.

Age: 27
Sexual orientation/preferences: Straight
Longest relationship: 7 months?
What you look for in a mate: Intellect, Kindness, Similar interests and humor
What your mates like about you: Independence, Mysterious, Understanding, and that I am Sweet
Are you comfortable 'dating'?: Sometimes...I like chatting more online. In person I always feel awkward. I am scared to let a guy truly know me because then he would see how silly and awkward I really am. Also, he would see my weaknesses like how much i forget to do things like pay my bills. Plus I like a lot of alone time and that makes it very difficult.
Your difficulties when you like a potential mate: Reciprocation on my part....I have been told over and over that I seem uninterested and cold. I am also bad at setting up when I can see him and actually being able to be there. Knowing when to put out and become more serious.
Your difficulties when the potential mate likes/pursues you: The more a guy pursues me the more I go backwards.

Age: 22
Sexual orientation/preferences: Straight
Longest relationship: 6 months, the current one I'm in.
What you look for in a mate: Faithfulness, sense of humor that coincides with mine, accepting of my quirks, having nerdy interests helps.
What your mates like about you: That I appreciate him, am upbeat, my smile, fun to be around. (He has a list, these are just the ones I remember.)
Are you comfortable 'dating'?: It's nerve-wracking. What do I wear? What do I say? Will he like me? Is he looking for something long term or just sex?
Your difficulties when you like a potential mate: Expressing my feelings and making sure I don't move too fast.
Your difficulties when the potential mate likes/pursues you: Assuming I don't like him? Letting him down easy, I guess. I feel like I come off as a b***h when I reject people. If I do like him? Continuing to find activities that we can do together that don't become stale.

Age: 33
Sexual orientation/preferences: straight
Longest relationship: about 6 months. I'm not always sure where they begin and end. but they tend to be short.
What you look for in a mate: someone who thinks like me. someone who understands me, without me having to explain every little thing. someone who can see inside me. similar habits and lifestyle. similar values.
What your mates like about you: I have NO idea. I think they have always just liked the way I look. other than that, I never feel like they really know me.
Are you comfortable 'dating'?: no. dating is a bizarre ritual, I don't understand it.
Your difficulties when you like a potential mate: I can't tell if they like me or not. can be too forward and scare them off. feelings get too intense, too fast. I can't take it slowly.
Your difficulties when the potential mate likes/pursues you: they don't pursue me persistently enough, and it makes me feel rejected and unsure of their intentions. I can't tell if they are serious or not. if it's someone I'm not interested in, it's frightening.

Age: 48
Sexual orientation/preferences: Lesbian
Longest relationship: 14 years
What you look for in a mate: cute face, intelligence, honesty, ambition
What your mates like about you: don't have one
Are you comfortable 'dating'?: never. I'm not sure what it is I'm doing or trying to accomplish. I don't know what is expected of me. I know I'd like a girlfriend but not sure how to go about it.
Your difficulties when you like a potential mate: they never feel the same. I just obsess because I don't know how to turn it off and I don't know what I'm supposed to do
Your difficulties when the potential mate likes/pursues you: I'm not interested in them.

Age: 29
Sexual orientation/preferences: Men
Longest relationship: 3 1/2 years
What you look for in a mate: Great sense of humor, someone who's upbeat and weird, honest, trustworthy, and has similar interests to mine.
What your mates like about you: My sense of humor, and that I'm down to earth I suppose.
Are you comfortable 'dating'?: I'm not comfortable dating just for the sake of dating. I like to get to know a person and hope that it goes somewhere.
Your difficulties when you like a potential mate: I want too much too soon, I get jealous. I can't seem to just let things happen naturally.
Your difficulties when the potential mate likes/pursues you: If I like him I'm happy about it, because then I can relax.

Age: 29
Sexual orientation/preferences: bi
Longest relationship: 3 yrs
What you look for in a mate: geekiness, brains, liberal political views
What your mates like about you: my boobs, brains, geekiness
Are you comfortable 'dating'?: hate it. I almost stood up the guy I have every intention of marrying now because the stress of meeting him was almost too much.
Your difficulties when you like a potential mate: usually too frightened to approach/ask out.
Your difficulties when the potential mate likes/pursues you: I mostly meet people over the internet. few guys who message me are interesting enough to merit a message back, fewer still get a public meeting, and after that I scare them off within 3 dates.

Age: 44
Sexual orientation/preferences: mostly straight
Longest relationship: 12 years
What you look for in a mate: Kindness, patience, creativity, intelligence, gentleness
What your mates like about you: I really don't know. My longest relationship was with my husband, and I don't think he liked me much st the end.
Are you comfortable 'dating'?: Absolutely not.
Your difficulties when you like a potential mate: I can't tell if they actually like me or are just being polite. I think sometimes I come on too strong, and other times it seems I don't communicate my intentions well at all.
Your difficulties when the potential mate likes/pursues you: Not realizing what's going on until too late; not knowing how to say no firmly but kindly if I'm not interested; embarrassment and discomfort at the oddity of the situation; concern that I'm not reading the situation correctly.

Age: Nineteen
Sexual orientation/preferences: Straight
Longest relationship: 5 years
What you look for in a mate: Kindness, care, loving, intimacy, understanding, patience, honesty, loyalty, humor, someone who makes me laugh and smile. I can be myself with him. Tell him anything. Be open.
What your mates like about you: From what i've been told. Random, cute, funny, upbeat, eccentric, loving, unlike other girls, gamer, morals, naive, innocent, looks, body, high sex drive
Are you comfortable 'dating'?: No
Your difficulties when you like a potential mate: From what i've been told. I'm immature. Naive. I don't understand life. I'm like a kid. I expect them to save me, but do nothing back in return. I'm impulsive. I can get very crazy and mean at times.(borderline) My feelings switch easely. I can go from happy to sad, to angry in minutes. If i'm down, i get very clingy, i need all of his attention. Things upset me easely. Insecure. I can easely hate him see him as a horrible person who wants to hurt me, and then hop back to sweet loving and happy, like nothing happened.
Your difficulties when the potential mate likes/pursues you: The fear he'll lose interest. I think low of myself. I'm not worthy of him. Insecure. I keep thinking he doesn't love me. That he will leave me. I think this is more related to borderline then to my aspergers.

Age: 30

Sexual orientation/preferences: straight

What you look for in a mate: that's a hard one. there's physical attraction and then there's the inner attraction too hard to describe. Favorably I'd like be with someone who understands my need for space and who is like a friend in that we share similar interests. I'm poor when it comes to communication and I would hope he would be understanding of that though I guess people can't be perfect. My problem thus far is not being able to stay in touch or keeping in touch with them every minute of the day.

What your mates like about you: I would hope he was to some degree as attracted to me as I am him though looks aren't high in my department. I've gotten to the point where I'd just like to be with a guy who's clean and takes care of his hygiene. I just wouldn't be able to be with a guy who clean himself or pick up stuff after himself. Other than that I would hope he'd be interested in some of the same things I am.


Are you comfortable 'dating'?: I get very nervous and I'm not the outgoing extravert type. My dating as far as comfort zone is concerned would be as if we were just enjoying coffee together, walking in a park, hanging out at his or my place without anyone around, going to a library. Kind of the quiet low active type of stuff.


Your difficulties when you like a potential mate: I'm very bad when it comes to making the first move. I've always been insecure as far as looks go and am clumsy when it comes to the small things such as flirty or chatting. Another difficulty I have when I'm actually with a potential mate is keeping my interests only on them. It seems I can't keep up with them or at least put all my focus onto them. I guess when NTs fall in love, their love is their world....but that's been my narrow limited perception. I'm not one of those people who falls head over heels with someone for the first time. This of most often causes them to think I have no interest in them and that's when the relationship or relationship of interest is broken.


Your difficulties when the potential mate likes/pursues you: I get very nervous but excited at the same time. I think I'm my own worse enemy. Am I going to come off stupid? What are the flaws he's going to see in me? My biggest one is I'm not pretty so why is he interested in me? or is he using me for something else? Because I can't read people very well, I get kind of paranoid unless I know them really well.

Age: 27
Sexual orientation/preferences: Straight
Longest relationship: Never
What you look for in a mate: Sensitivity,sense of humor,a strong emotional connection and for him to love me.
What your mates like about you: I don't know but I sometimes think that no man will ever like me.
Are you comfortable 'dating'?: I would love to date someone
Your difficulties when you like a potential mate: I haven't gotten that far.
Your difficulties when the potential mate likes/pursues you: ?

These questions only apply to the female aspies that have been in relationships.
These threads are depressing.

I guess that I am more like the male aspies because the female aspies seem to have no trouble with relationships.

I've never had a relationship. And I'm a girl.

Age: 28

Sexual orientation/preferences: Female, straight

Longest relationship: one 'train wreck' mess for 2 months, a couple of good experiences where I got together with someone for a week or so but we decided not to take it further.

What you look for in a mate: Intelligent, good conversations, chubby/fat (otherwise I probably won't be attracted physically), loyal/respectful, left-wing, I am trying to meet someone unconventional & openminded enough to appreciate the good things about me without minding the Aspie things too much.

What your mates like about you: Initially, my looks. Whether the relationship works out or not depends a lot on whether they also like the intelligence, independent thinking, off the wall-ness, etc.

Are you comfortable 'dating'?: Not in restaurants or films, etc. Coffee dates are good. I need a lot of dates to know if I want to be in a relationship though. I don't do the whole dressing up for the date thing, I figure the guy either likes my looks anyway or doesn't.

Your difficulties when you like a potential mate: I like very few guys and when I do I tend to get obsessive. I'm looking for a long term relationship involving having kids but I really need my own space, maybe different bedrooms.

Your difficulties when the potential mate likes/pursues you: Scary when I don't like them back. I get some attention due to my looks & non-Aspie front from guys who I'm very incompatible with (too 'normal' for me!) so its a learning process having to figure out who is unconventional enough to 'get me' and who is interested in dating either because they don't care and like me physically or have misunderstood what I'm really like inside and think I'm someone I'm not.