I don't know what I want...

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Like I said in my previous post, I nowhere in my OKCupid profile say anything about being active. Only that I'm a runner. So it's not even an issue.

Tesla never had a woman ever, he said he never touched one, he lived to be around 90 and invented all kinds of crazy awesome stuff, and changed the world. He matters to me, at the very least, he's one of my heroes, almost a saint of sorts to me.

The problem isn't you. Your doing everything right. Unfortunately, in this day and age, people like us who are deemed "hopeless romantics" are not accepted by today's standards in society when it comes to dating/relationships. From my experience it all seems to be based on how much money you make and various other things that shouldn't define the basis of a relationship, but tragically have now become the basic stepping stones to determine if you should date a person or not. I've gotten very few dates in my life and it also kills me inside that other people my age have had tons of girls to date, relationships that lasted for over a year, and some cases are already married. While my life consists of a couple long distance relationships that I never even ended up meeting the person in real life, and a few random dates here and there where I went out of my way for the person and wasn't appreciated in the end because there was always someone better then me. I've about thrown in the towel as well.

Oddly I know exactly what I want. I've found it, again, for the second time in my life. The problem is, It just isn't available to me.

Ok. I thought you had it written somewhere.

Have you stopped to consider the possibility that you may be going about it in totally the wrong way? You have a talent for filmmaking. That makes you something very special: It makes you an artist. The fact that you are misunderstood, or strange, or different all equates to you being unique, and that is something you should capitalize on.

I can't even recall the number of men that I've met (especially in California) who are strange, fairly antisocial, keep to themselves, and don't really fit in with anyone, nor are they considered traditionally attractive. In addition, they do not have a great amount of brawn or money. However, all of these individuals had some artistic talent which set them apart - be it painting, film, performance art, etc. In my experience, both women and men love being around these types of individuals, because they stand out from society and could care less about what anyone thinks about them at all. As such, I've usually seen these types of guys surrounded by more adoring female companions than they know what to do with.

Use you artistic talent to clearly emanate the fact that you are completely and totally your own man. Nobody understands you? It's because your talent cannot be understood. Nobody wants to be around you? It's because, much like Van Gogh, you aren't appreciated in your time. All your friends are getting married and leaving you behind? It's because you have set your ship on a different course, one in which you have to sacrifice for the sake of your art. Haven't found the right woman yet? It's not because you are unwanted, or strange, or unattractive. It's because your artistic talent makes you unusual and unique, and most people (women or men) can't handle that, because they long for conformity. Dark, brooding, artistic types with always be loved by those who lack the talent to comprehend, even though they never fit into the regular societal norms. From Oscar Wilde to Ernest Hemingway to Franz Liszt to Beethoven, this has been true throughout history.

See what I'm getting at? Instead of comparing yourself to the great masses and finding yourself wanting, further embellish the creative and artistic side even more. You aren't a lonely guy who makes films and desperately wants to find someone to love him, you are an artist who is misunderstood by society. The second option is more mysterious, more attractive, and generally more endearing.