Every girl I ask out "already has a boyfriend."

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Very normal girls are usually out of a weird guys league.

Just saying.

The hottest girls aren't very normal. Only very beautiful girls have wanted anything to do with me. (Some people don't understand that but it's because they're beautiful - it makes sense when you think about it.)

pics or it didn't happen.

seriously, you're often talking about all of the beautiful women you have been with, but it's getting to the point where i am becoming extremely skeptical. your claims are over-the-top. i'd like to see some pictures of you with these scads of beautiful women.

^ OK, I feel I am capable of being a friend, but I just don't have any atm. And if I had a bustling social life with multiple friends, than that would almost invalidate having AS. I frankly think I could have ONE girlfriend and manage that relationship, but NOT a busy social life with a # of friends of both genders. I think all that would be too overwhelming and different for me, and I would perhaps just like one girlfriend who is a "quiet-type," ........ and hopefully someone will just accept me and not frontload me with a massive demand or have big NTish social expectations of me.

I truly thought I was good enough at masquerading as an NT, but perhaps girls are just far more socially acute than I gave them credit for. I truly thought that all I needed to do was put my mental effort into it........... roll up my sleeves and ask girls out, but it is not to be. I agree that having a big social network would be an immense boon for my situation, but that just won't happen. I could make 1 or 2 friends, but that will not erase my underlying and seething awkwardness and lack-of-confidence.

For years and years, I thought the problem was that I was just behind the curve with regards to maturity. I thought i was just a few years behind in my social age to my chronological age, and by the time I was 26 or 27, I would finally be "caught up" and at a par. I thought by the time I was at least 27, I would be at the level of a 22 or 23 year old, and it would finally just "happen" for me and I would naturally slot in to a relationship as a result of having some age-equity with other 20-somethings........... Oh how wrong I was.

I truly felt that that "age gap" would be less prominent once I got to this age, and that it would finally just happen for me. It seems like its happened for others........... why not me?

I just don't see why I suck so badly at all of this. I'm just so depressed atm.......... Its easy to say "go make friends," but I just can't do that. I don't even want big friendships or to invest alot of time in people I feel I'll just be "using" to get big social circle. They would sense that. I'm an introvert anyway, and to suddenly become gregarious in order to exhibit "social proof" would just be odd.

you don't have to have lots of friends. maybe start with one.

^ OK, I will try, but I will not be able to report the progress to you tonight I guess.


I suppose there is just no "quick-fix" for all of this. I know and feel like I have been trying SO HARD, but now I'm waking up to realize I was doing nothing but banging my head uselessly on the door for years. Dammed trial-and-error method.

I also don't even know how to make friends or where I would make one at. (a real one, who I'd meet in person to do stuff with.)

Weren't you one of the people who didn't understand 'beautiful' in the first place? I'm clearly not going to post pictures of people I've cared about. Although it's worth saying that, generally, prettier girls will have more time for weird guys.

Four girls? You say four and you're complaining about rejection? That's defeatist talk and you know it. It's about being able to create a good first impression to get a foot in the door, once you do, you can worry about maintaining relationships and the other stuff, you might be bad at relationships to begin with but that's just life, you'll learn from those experiences and grow as a person but don't worry about that at the moment.

Slow down, you're trying to run before you can walk. The only concern you should be worried about is creating a first impression, a good one, that will get a foot in the door with everything.

Seriously you're not approaching enough, you need to get out there and start approaching more people, In fact, talk to everyone, old people, people in the store, people on the bus, just start talking to people so you feel more comfortable socializing and build your skills in it.

Also, hyperlexian...........

I don't know if this sounds weird or bad or not........ I do want a girlfriend, but I could care less about just having "friends."

Ideally, I would just want 1 girlfriend, and mabye a few other friends. I just don't want to have to take on a ginormous social circle and a 2 year process to get all of these friends just to FINALLY open up the door to a girlfriend. Also, I'm not capable of orchestrating all of this anyway even if I wanted. I have severe AS...... how can i go just make all of these friends out of nowhere.......... I don't even know where to begin?

I'm also 27 now, and I have no avenues either just to make regular friends in a totally unsolicited manner. I think its just beyond hope for me. i think the bigger social-circle avenue is a dead-end for an introvert like me as it would be too inherently awkward.

Mabye just mabye, someone will take me as I am and at least agree to date me, one of these days. I DO have better qualities besides just "how many friends I have." A girl WILL see that I am a better man, besides something as superficial as "social proof."

As far as i am concerned, I don't even give a damn about an arbitrary quantity of friends as its not relevant at all to my interests. I do have other things to offer, but social stuff just won't ever be a part of my equation. Some girl would see that if she ever gave me a chance, and mabye she could overlook the fact that I wasn't totally gregarious or didn't make the "perfect" first impression so necessary these days. I really do think i have other attractive qualities I feel confident in, but I'll never just 'be like everyone else' and have the requisite number of friends....... I hope my other strengths can make up for that?

Really? Because saying that is really going to give him confidence and trust in who he really is?

There is no such thing as normal, normal is subjective, people are individuals. If listening to one direction and Britney Spears is considered normal, I'll take the alternative.

Where can I meet all of these people to talk to them? I'm not trying to be sarcastic, but I feel like I already maximize my opportunities for conversation with everyone, but it just "doesn't happen for me." I try to talk to different people all of the time at school, but things just never "go anywhere." It feels like 999 times of 1000, any conversation is just a dead end.

Also, the 4 girls I asked out were the TOTAL of all of the eligible girls in my community college classes for this semester. There is no possible addition to this unless I completely start soliciting random girls in the cafeteria.......... (I may give this a go 1 or 2 times, but I've seriously gone to the max with all of my *albiet limited* opportunities.)

I would seriously prefer not to be one who gets rumored at the school of hanging about the student center and just trying to solicit random girls. Its a fairly "regular" crowd about each afternoon just milling around, so if I attempt to ask out any girls randomly, I have to make it count and make a strategic approach.

I hate to say it, but I'm nowhere near the level of randomly soliciting people in the shopping mall and stuff like that. It has to be a neutral environment like school and stuff like that for me. I've tried approaching salesgirls and stuff like that before, but that's even more difficult as they lead you on if they think they have a sale, and then you feel even more awkward when they shoot you down.

Anywhere, libraries, bus stations, parks, shopping centers, coffee stores, really you can approach people anywhere and strike up a friendly conversation with them. It doesn't have to be people from your college, there should also be plenty of community classes in your area. Try talking to old people or people that you don't consider attractive first to build up your social skills and comfort in public situations.

You can post them with their faces clouded/hidden.

Many people over exaggerate on the internet or lie about who they are, these people generally have no intention of showing their true identity or meeting, I'm not entirely sure why people lie online.

More so to the point, even if he does post photos, there's no guarantee of them being genuine, anyone with a few bob can easily hire a few models from an agency or attractive escorts, pose in a few nightclubs and rent a Lamborghini for a day to cruise around Mayfair or Hollywood in order to create some sort of James Bond lifestyle persona for themselves.

Later on you find out they are living in one bedroom studio apartment overlooking the gasworks and they steal pot plants for a living.

Last edited by Wolfheart on 28 Feb 2012, 6:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

At this point, I frankly don't know how the normies do it. I talk to people out and about all of the time, but I'm not one to just randomly go up and solicit people for practice. There is no way I can do that. The heck with that.

I don't mean to be outright rejecting the "friends" route, but with my AS, that is just not a possibility. I just have to hope I can somehow, some way, make a connection with somebody without having to "become an NT."

Well I wasn't talking about approaching supermodels, I was just talking about taking baby steps and socializing with people out and about, analyzing and observing how other people socialize so you can become better at it. I think awareness is the key, if you can build more awareness and practice with someone that is good at socializing, a trusted family member of friend that is aware of your situation, maybe they can point you in the right direction or show you what you are doing wrong, perhaps it's a body language movement or a quirk you have.

Other than that, I would also suggest Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and a psychotherapist that is used to dealing with patients that suffer from social anxiety. Learning the basics is what you need, if you're trying to run before walking, you aren't going to get far. If you are thinking about all of your social rejection, anxiety, fear and failure all in one when you are walking up to approach a girl, you are already setting yourself up for failure, you need to believe in yourself and start to take a more positive approach to this.

Also as hyperlexian said, don't feel bad about being in the friend zone or simply making friends with a girl, it will help you to socialize more, it can lead to other opportunities, it can help you develop a social circle and land you invitations to parties where other opportunities to socialize and make new friends will arise. As people on the spectrum, we don't store social skills in some part of our brain or learn them naturally, we have to hone them through practice, practice and more practice, not social isolation.