Living as an adult male virgin, unable to cope

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Heisenberg
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29 Feb 2012, 8:43 am

I think I am just going to punish myself and disconnect from everyone else in my life. Nothing is ever going to change and the people on my life will never stop expecting me to be happy and live a normal life.



rabbittss
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29 Feb 2012, 9:31 am

Subotai wrote:
simon_says wrote:
You are at just the right age, imo, to start to learn some social skills. Going abroad is probably a good idea. Travel broadens the mind and provides you with a pretext for talking to fellow expatriots on a regular basis. It's a club of sorts. I would pursue that with everything you've got.


Not to mention the fact that it's just plain easier to get sex when you are a foreigner abroad.



I was in Europe for nearly 3 months and I didn't get laid once. Of course I'm an American, and I was there just after Bush had gotten re-elected.. so I was made to feel like crap almost the entire time.



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29 Feb 2012, 9:36 am

Subotai wrote:
simon_says wrote:
You are at just the right age, imo, to start to learn some social skills. Going abroad is probably a good idea. Travel broadens the mind and provides you with a pretext for talking to fellow expatriots on a regular basis. It's a club of sorts. I would pursue that with everything you've got.


Not to mention the fact that it's just plain easier to get sex when you are a foreigner abroad.


Not really, considering ive been a foreigner all my life everywhere i go and lets just say ive had zero luck with women.



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29 Feb 2012, 10:05 am

Please just grow up!! Have you ever heard of internet porn?! Do as I do, stay content with that and forget dating. Don't you understand that it's because you grew up as immature that you can't get a girlfriend?



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29 Feb 2012, 10:15 am

Lonermutant wrote:
Please just grow up!! Have you ever heard of internet porn?! Do as I do, stay content with that and forget dating. Don't you understand that it's because you grew up as immature that you can't get a girlfriend?


troll?


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rabbittss
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29 Feb 2012, 10:21 am

He's like that every time he replies to some one. He told aspies who didn't understand Math that they should all be Janitors.

I don't think it's immature to feel the urge to do the SOLE thing which all animals are meant to do. Procreate, repeatedly. Despite humanities lofty ideals, we are after all animals, and are beholden to the same impulse to mate and propagate as any other animal species. Granted we have the ability to control these impulses, it doesn't make it any easier or more pleasant when that control is imposed from outside rather than through self discipline.



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29 Feb 2012, 10:37 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
Lonermutant wrote:
Please just grow up!! Have you ever heard of internet porn?! Do as I do, stay content with that and forget dating. Don't you understand that it's because you grew up as immature that you can't get a girlfriend?


troll?



Dating is only training for procreation.
I think that schools are too watered out these days when it comes to special education.



Heisenberg
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29 Feb 2012, 10:42 am

I know I'm being a bit dramatic about all this but I literally have no one else to talk to about this. Even my therapist stated that he used to be a "ladies man" and can't understand why I suffer from my condition. It would be so easy to say that I am an a virgin because I am an aspie but that is obviously not the case since many aspies do end up getting married and having children.

And yes, I am quite familiar with internet porn, it is the only temporary comfort I have along with alcohol, video games, and old movies/tv shows :-b



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29 Feb 2012, 10:44 am

Lonermutant wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Lonermutant wrote:
Please just grow up!! Have you ever heard of internet porn?! Do as I do, stay content with that and forget dating. Don't you understand that it's because you grew up as immature that you can't get a girlfriend?


troll?



Dating is only training for procreation.
I think that schools are too watered out these days when it comes to special education.


I think the OP had some valid concerns and difficulties, and never saw anything indicating they need to 'grow up.' and one could easily say relying on porn to get of is childish and indicates the need to grow up I personally don't really care though I know adults sometimes watch porn I just don't because watching two other people have sex kinda bores me. Also not everyone who dates pro-creates, I would kind of like a relationship but I don't want kids.

Also schools do suck, don't see what this has to do with the issue at hand though....and maybe your not a troll, the grow up part just kinda seemed a bit trollish.


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29 Feb 2012, 10:46 am

Heisenberg wrote:
I know I'm being a bit dramatic about all this but I literally have no one else to talk to about this. Even my therapist stated that he used to be a "ladies man" and can't understand why I suffer from my condition. It would be so easy to say that I am an a virgin because I am an aspie but that is obviously not the case since many aspies do end up getting married and having children.

And yes, I am quite familiar with internet porn, it is the only temporary comfort I have along with alcohol, video games, and old movies/tv shows :-b


Well do you want to get married and have children?


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29 Feb 2012, 10:47 am

One bit of advice: that travel career and being married are almost mutually exclusive. Most guys I know who are married who have any degree of travel in their jobs are harped on about it if it gets too thick.

That said - I think you're suffering from what a lot of people in our day and age, even earlier are. You were fed a bunch of manure through childhood about what life is, what it should be, what you should be able to expect, the idea that you'll get everything you want in life by being a good guy, doing the right thing, 'earning' it, etc.. There's something to that in the work world to an extent but the L&D world is way more complicated.

It sounds like more than anything you have a psychological weight around your shoulders about 'never having been'; I do hope that changes in your near future and I say it for this reason - its very difficult to let go of the need for sex when you still have a very over-embellished sense of what you're missing. When it does happen you'll likely have a moment of existential panic like "What??? This is all it is?????" and at that moment I think you'll likely realize just how profoundly different you are, that NT's wouldn't even bother with it if the barriers were as high to them as they were to many aspies, and while its heartbreaking in one sense as in - you lose your virginity and the movie doesn't end there, you feel just as if not even more hollow than you did before if its not someone you're in a relationship with, there's also the upside that you'll likely start completely resizing your whole reality and the scope of the motivations people have around you, what's ultimately worth what, etc. etc.


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29 Feb 2012, 10:48 am

Heisenberg wrote:
I know I'm being a bit dramatic about all this but I literally have no one else to talk to about this. Even my therapist stated that he used to be a "ladies man" and can't understand why I suffer from my condition. It would be so easy to say that I am an a virgin because I am an aspie but that is obviously not the case since many aspies do end up getting married and having children.

And yes, I am quite familiar with internet porn, it is the only temporary comfort I have along with alcohol, video games, and old movies/tv shows :-b


If you have money, a fleshlight is worth the price.



MXH
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29 Feb 2012, 11:00 am

Yall do know for some people its not about satisfying themselves, right?



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29 Feb 2012, 11:07 am

MXH wrote:
Yall do know for some people its not about satisfying themselves, right?


A lot of people on here don't seem to understand that. Just as a lot of people on here don't seem to understand it isn't simply about wanting a friend either. It's between the two. You want a companion, partner, friend, and a lover. or at least I do.



techstepgenr8tion
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29 Feb 2012, 11:11 am

rabbittss wrote:
MXH wrote:
Yall do know for some people its not about satisfying themselves, right?


A lot of people on here don't seem to understand that. Just as a lot of people on here don't seem to understand it isn't simply about wanting a friend either. It's between the two. You want a companion, partner, friend, and a lover. or at least I do.

That and a lot of people have no idea what kind of trade-off and sacrifice their looking at for a relationship. It seems like in this day and age you almost have to show every nonverbal sign that you've got your head completely around all of that and are essentially up for throwing your independence out on the lawn before you stop repelling the fairer sex.


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29 Feb 2012, 2:04 pm

In some ways, even when there are people who brag about their coitus with so many partners. When they grow older, I'm pretty sure they will regret it.
Those with an STD or STI will regret this much more.


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