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I think I scared away a potential date

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The_Face_of_Boo
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02 Mar 2012, 2:42 pm

Janissy wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^^ NO! Bad advice!


The advice I gave isn't about girls in general, many of whom would respond well to immediate action. It was about this very specific girl who has stated specific things she finds attractive about ToadofSteel. My advise to not give up but instead move slowly is based on my experience of the cautious nature of such girls. Pushing for an immediate re-schedule really is likely to scare her off. With some girls that would be a good idea. But this is not likely to be the type of girl who would react well to moving quickly. Being allowed to retreat back to her comfort zone without writing her off as a loss will, I think, have better results with this specific person.


NO!! !

This is a friend-zoning recipe.

Regardless of how much she's interested in him. Remember, she only knows him online for like a week and didn't meet him yet, so it's not likely she has strong feelings for him.


ToadofSteel is virgin, he has very poor love experience, he's still "Soft" and that lady is probably way more experienced than him and more emotionally evolved, if he goes the sloooowwwww route he'll end up developing delusional feelings for her that would probably not be mutual (since she's most probably more experienced and more emotionally mature).

The chemistry "spark" of attraction (especially from HER side) is not gonna change in the first meeting whether they're meeting tomorrow or after a year, she'll either find him as potential or not.

It's much emotionally safer for him to find this out sooner than later.

Your advice is horrible.



The_Face_of_Boo
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02 Mar 2012, 4:09 pm

Toad, what route did you decide to take?



ToadOfSteel
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04 Mar 2012, 8:20 am

Well, she was mainly overwhelmed by work. So I hope this still has potential, but I guess I'm going to have to play it one step at a time...



rabbittss
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04 Mar 2012, 11:02 am

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
I scare off potential mates all the time. Too bad I can't scare off the ones I'm not remotely interested in. :?


Exactly my problem...



ToadOfSteel
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04 Mar 2012, 9:48 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Janissy wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^^ NO! Bad advice!


The advice I gave isn't about girls in general, many of whom would respond well to immediate action. It was about this very specific girl who has stated specific things she finds attractive about ToadofSteel. My advise to not give up but instead move slowly is based on my experience of the cautious nature of such girls. Pushing for an immediate re-schedule really is likely to scare her off. With some girls that would be a good idea. But this is not likely to be the type of girl who would react well to moving quickly. Being allowed to retreat back to her comfort zone without writing her off as a loss will, I think, have better results with this specific person.


NO!! !

This is a friend-zoning recipe.

Regardless of how much she's interested in him. Remember, she only knows him online for like a week and didn't meet him yet, so it's not likely she has strong feelings for him.


ToadofSteel is virgin, he has very poor love experience, he's still "Soft" and that lady is probably way more experienced than him and more emotionally evolved, if he goes the sloooowwwww route he'll end up developing delusional feelings for her that would probably not be mutual (since she's most probably more experienced and more emotionally mature).

The chemistry "spark" of attraction (especially from HER side) is not gonna change in the first meeting whether they're meeting tomorrow or after a year, she'll either find him as potential or not.

It's much emotionally safer for him to find this out sooner than later.

Your advice is horrible.


Well I decided to message her, I want to find out one way or another, preferably sooner rather than later. Problem is, now I feel like the worlds biggest douche too...



hyperlexian
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04 Mar 2012, 11:54 pm

why do you think that you scared her away, specifically?


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ToadOfSteel
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05 Mar 2012, 12:06 am

hyperlexian wrote:
why do you think that you scared her away, specifically?


Because I was suggesting times to meet and she was saying she had this or that on any time that i suggested, and didn't offer a possible alternative.



hyperlexian
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05 Mar 2012, 12:15 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
why do you think that you scared her away, specifically?


Because I was suggesting times to meet and she was saying she had this or that on any time that i suggested, and didn't offer a possible alternative.

i don't think you scared her. but i think she was only moderately interested to start with. to be honest, you sound like you feel about the same. it's a learning experience but not a huge loss, right?


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ToadOfSteel
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05 Mar 2012, 12:17 am

hyperlexian wrote:
ToadOfSteel wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
why do you think that you scared her away, specifically?


Because I was suggesting times to meet and she was saying she had this or that on any time that i suggested, and didn't offer a possible alternative.

i don't think you scared her. but i think she was only moderately interested to start with. to be honest, you sound like you feel about the same. it's a learning experience but not a huge loss, right?


Well, I didn't want to be desperate about it. Thing is, this is the first woman, online or offline, that has given me the time of day in years... will it be years before I get another chance? Will I even be able to survive with my sanity intact that long?



hyperlexian
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05 Mar 2012, 12:26 am

you're right, that can happen though hopefully it will not.

that's no reason to date her really, and no reason for her to date you. it's fantastic that you got this opportunity and i am sure you can learn some important points from it.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Mar 2012, 5:43 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
you're right, that can happen though hopefully it will not.

that's no reason to date her really, and no reason for her to date you. it's fantastic that you got this opportunity and i am sure you can learn some important points from it.


maybe it's not a reason for her to date him, but it's probably a good reason for him date her.


hyperlexian, I don't think you can understand someone who has never been in any form of relationship before (or in just one very very non-sexual short one like in Toad's case), her approval of him is an overwhelming luring element that he can't ignore because it's something he craved for so long.



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05 Mar 2012, 5:45 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
you're right, that can happen though hopefully it will not.

that's no reason to date her really, and no reason for her to date you. it's fantastic that you got this opportunity and i am sure you can learn some important points from it.


maybe it's not a reason for her to date him, but it's probably a good reason for him date her.


hyperlexian, I don't think you can understand someone who has never been in any form of relationship before (or in just one very very non-sexual short one like in Toad's case), her approval of him is an overwhelming luring element that he can't ignore because it's something he craved for so long.

i don't think that you understand that not wanting to be alone is a bad reason to date someone.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Mar 2012, 5:49 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
you're right, that can happen though hopefully it will not.

that's no reason to date her really, and no reason for her to date you. it's fantastic that you got this opportunity and i am sure you can learn some important points from it.


maybe it's not a reason for her to date him, but it's probably a good reason for him date her.


hyperlexian, I don't think you can understand someone who has never been in any form of relationship before (or in just one very very non-sexual short one like in Toad's case), her approval of him is an overwhelming luring element that he can't ignore because it's something he craved for so long.

i don't think that you understand that not wanting to be alone is a bad reason to date someone.


It depends, I think a lot of people seek relationships because they don't want to end up alone yet they don't like to admit it. It depends whether you'd really like that person that you want to be with, regardless of your initial motif.



hyperlexian
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05 Mar 2012, 5:51 pm

he just wasn't that into her, and she felt the same. ccan't see any point in going further with that. :shrug:


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CrazyStarlightRedux
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05 Mar 2012, 5:52 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
i don't think that you understand that not wanting to be alone is a bad reason to date someone.


I agree with this. If you are going to date someone, you must be doing it on your own accord rather then to kill off that loneliness.

The loneliness I get is the lack of friends (and the effort both sides make, me included), I kind of lost my friend to his GF, but I can understand that since he wants to make it work, and she's a nice girl too.



The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Mar 2012, 5:53 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
he just wasn't that into her, and she felt the same. ccan't see any point in going further with that. :shrug:


HE didn't even meet her face to face!! ! How can you can be sure he wouldn't be into her??