Tim,
Your criteria read like a very narrow, rigid, emotionless sex ad from a personals site.
I would drop criteria #2 through #5 and possibly #1 as well. Yes, there is most definitely an amazing, funny, brilliant, silly and sexy woman out there for you....and you could meet and possibly hit it off! However, with that criteria you aren't going to meet anyone. I am stunned that you had any replies...
Start by sharing who you are, what you like, what you don't like, your interests, your experiences, etc.
I personally like a woman who is smart, funny, sarcastic, and down to earth. Am I saying looks don't count? Of course not! I have met and been very attracted to many different women...and most of them didn't fit the stereotypical "Victoria's Secret" mold that modern day society has crammed down our throats. Open your eyes, there are gorgeous women all over the place!
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The difference between genius and stupidity? Genius has limits!