Does any1 think Aspie men struggle with women as much as...

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I have a gf right now, my first one in months, and it was years before that. If you don't like dating, you're not understanding the world well enough. Women can be understood, but when they meet someone like us, they know us from the moment we say "hi." It is in the very way we've been trained to be. You won't get good at meeting or retaining women in your life by imagining fanciful roles played on tv or in anime, you just have to keep dating them. Just keep at it, ask every single one out there... eventually you'll get good enough to get intimate with one who turned you down. But the women will know you. They have been brought up to know you and you have been brought up to be known by them. The sooner you know how it all works, the sooner you will be able to understand them.

Unfortunately for us, we have been raised to be confused and ignorant and virtually everything out there supports our ignorance cuz the NTs like it that way. But at the same time, there's hope cuz once you get it, you can figure the rest out. Because everyone is brought up in this way initially there is a simple system for understanding it as you grow up. Once you get it, you get it, it's hard to unlearn but since no one told you and they don't know, they will keep reinforcing your ignorance... I guess it's test period of sorts where they don't want you to get everything incase you screw up and it's just too late for you.

In hind sight, I don't think any of us would have aspergers if this system wasn't in place, in a way it creates this disease... To me that's no difference than the idea of sending anthrax in the mail. Maintaining a system that creates mental illnesses (those illnesses that are just in your head lol) is to me, not much different than biological weapons, esp considering the side effects of long term trauma and hopelessness. I question and challenge the notion that we are safer or more utopian because we have the system (and I know we're safer than you might think from watching TV), people just get hurt in different ways. The pain is the same, but the circumstances are different. People can loose an entire life to ignorance and never even understand how serious/important this sentence is. Most people who commit suicide have no idea why they are doing it or why they really feel the way they feel and can only understand it when they've understood the system. Until then, they are really just grasping at straws and trying to escape the weight of a system they ignorantly submit to. Ignorance is not bliss, it is pain in its purest form. The system is certainly genius in its cruelty, a life sucking vampire and a dragon of untold years.

As an 'aspie,' you do have emotions, they are just as strong as anyone else's, but you/we are born into ignorance of them. The world is presented to us in a way and we repeat it. By simply repeating/mirroring the understanding that is told or presented to us, we show our ignorance and we become something other than real but believe in our ignorance that we are truely who we are. Those confused by they system are considered less than a person, which may be quite different in meaning than a people. Survival and birth merit nothing but a test in this world, and those who have failed will show it all their lives unless they can survive it too. The good news, is that you identify yourself. So simply understanding and communicating in the correct manner will preserve your anonymity or return you to it. But you will have to remain ever vigilant to the social poison that returns you to death and it will take some character building to keep you continuously free. Never is a person free if they are not part of the whole, but I guess that free and i guess accepted are two different things. Free isn't as good as it sounds when one is not also accepted. Freedom without acceptance is just what ignorance is... a prison of the mind. You are not limited to being good at one thing, you can be good at anything, including women, you just have to understand the system. Those who know it are strong and those who are ignorant are weak. Knowledge is power, and when you understand the system it will be more powerful than you have ever thought. Though for me what remains is a mind too rigid, that struggles endlessly to keep up and desperately seeks to be without the system. To break out is different than to break free and we are born into dis-acceptance or bondage as the good book says.

There is a quote in this video to an unattributed author, the quote ends around 4:44. Looked at in the correct light, it will reveal why you have your quirkyness, why you are different from other people. This is what religion does, it separates people by the way they are treated and treating people a certain way and recognizing who people are by how they communicate are I suppose sacred. Let me know what you have learned, I'd really like some feedback.

Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqrJeGpZ18U

Figure it out and you'll know how to adopt the assumptions that women want you to have and you'll know they want you to have them. Having these assumptions will of course change the way you communicate and understand communication.

Now as for me, I've been dating a foreigner, so I'm still working on the communication thing and she's a bit harder to figure out I think. Too many things to figure out when it comes to crossing culture. We talk about marriage and such, but I'm a little afraid that I just don't get enough of the communication thing to know if she's really into me or just living for the moment and we're just being friends, sometimes I wonder if I'm just an anchor or a charity case for her.

Poetry... I never even knew what it was or how to read it, I only thought I did. But poetry is what you seek and what I'm trying to figure out. Poetry is a way of saying something and meaning something else. Keeping your conversation public, but at the same time private. Only for those to understand who are those you don't mind hearing. At my age, I'm not sure if I'll ever get it... I've taken so much pride in speaking in my conventional tongue and it's just been the way I speak. I don't know if I can learn to speak differently, it may just be something you have to learn when you are young. Now I know why my poetry was always snuffed at back in MS/HS... Get a life means more than I ever thought it did and no message ever fell on hearing ears. That is our reality, but we can still learn and I'm putting my salvation in immortality and cryonics. Care to join me in a quest for recovering a life lost to ignorance?

Last edited by webcam on 29 Mar 2012, 3:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Exactly.

OP, we don't all whine, some of us give advice (despite not being in a relationship ourselves) and see from a perspective how people react to such scenarios.

I myself make threads here out of an interest moreso then looking for someone (since I would rather meet someone who lives near me).

You should have a look around and judge what threads appeal to you, as they are not all doom and gloom.

Are you saying that this is a Private Frazer attitude?


Ok there is a very fine line between being melancholic and self-fulfilling prophecy, catastrophising the issue will only "make a mountain out of a molehill" its better to make a mountain into a molehill.

My philosophy on dating in not to focus on dating just to life my life, to enjoy making mistakes as failure is the best teacher & to be happy if am single or in a relationship; as another person does not guarantee your own happiness.

IMHO your overgeneralising the issue.

Of course not, because all of the super charismatic attractive males with AS post on other sections of the forum and never require love and dating advice.

There definitely are rules. You may be at a level where you don't notice them, but they are there regardless. It's not about asking whats appropriate, it's knowing what IS appropriate at what time. If you do or say something off kilter then that may be the end of the dialog with said woman. I had a women come up to me at a bar and hug me and kiss me on the lips! I was so freaked out I wasn't even sure what to do. My initial thought was that she was trying to make a boyfriend jealous or she was really drunk or something. Either way, red flags went up like crazy in my head!

If you're in a relationship, and it's going well, then it seems like you don't really have to post in this section, right?

That's why you tend to see a lot of negativity here.

I personally am utterly useless with girls, and I find the lack of success stories from Aspie males here discouraging. But I will persist, and hope that I'll find a lovely woman one day

I could post inspirational stories and give all kinds of advice, but hyperlexian warned me not to as it's viewed as insulting to other members. I think to some autistics mediocrity is a drug.

Maerlyn138, what is 'appropriate', or I would prefer to say 'the right move' because we ought to acknowledge a purpose, can be learned. I was kissed by a complete stranger one time. She just looked at me and decided that I needed it. She was very lovely, a lesbian in love with her girlfriend, imbued with superpowers.

I know quite a few Aspies in relationships, either stable long lasting ones, or if more transient ones then at least they're able to have a string of them.

But these tend to be either the more attractive/socially charismatic Aspies (especially if more stable/long lasting), or the more daredevil Aspies (especailly if transient/string of relationships).

I mean, I have that social charisma and popularity (at least for an Aspie) but have to recognise I don't have the attractiveness. In turn, I'm even less of a daredevil Aspie.

I said most, not all. I also said not often, not never. I am well aware that everyone has there share of problems, but the guys you just described in your post are hardly going to make post after post (to the point of hundreds) in this part of the forum about being single, lonely and feeling desperate, are they?

Those are the guys the OP is talking about, those who are constantly posting here.

If your avatar is your real picture you should have no worries. Cutie>

I think what you're saying is the opposite of true, I think the most attractive or charismatic men and women on the forum post in this board. Take Boo for example, he's one of most charismatic people on these forums and he makes many posts here. For example, I really doubt that the attractive or charismatic people with active lifestyles on the spectrum are spending huge amounts of time posting thousands of posts in boards like Politics, Religion, Philosophy and Computers, Maths, Science and Technology but that's just my personal opinion.

I'm eager to know where these super hot, super charismatic AS males and females are hiding that you are referring to or would they simply not use forums like Wrong Planet all together?

Allow me to clarify. I'm new here but I have never seen either you, or Boo, post about being desperate? Perhaps I'm wrong on that part. I know you both post here, but your posts to not carry the undertone I think the OP was describing.

I find you, for the most part, to have your head screwed on pretty well.

On the other hand, I am not at all successful with women, and I don't think I have ever really complained in here. I do ask for advice, that's what these boards are for, but it is usually against my principles to burden my own problems or issues on others, no matter if it is dating related, or, say, about education, work, or whatnot. Plus, I do consider myself charismatic in some ways (at least people tell me that I do have a knack for instructing, and heck, at one point I considered pursuing a n acting career, as in: I could have studied acting - because I can generate good stage presence).

Once again she tells it like it is.

My thoughts are this I have success with women becasue of two key things one having asperger syndrome and being born bigender helps to put both of those together and you have some one that has the confidence to talk with girls with out a fear of rejection ive been rejected plenty of times but also and been accepted too by women its a game you just got to learn how to play.

Ok I'm not even sure what that's supposed to mean. I've never been kissed by a superpower imbued lesbian; even so it doesn't change the fact that because of AS and the way I developed sans diagnosis over the years, I don't have the social/emotional skills to handle that type of situation. I wish I did and I hope people don't think I am "whining" or whatever, but that's just the nature of me.