So I had my first meetup with the woman I met on OKC

Post Reply New Topic

But man am I afraid she'll get snatched away by another because I wasn't proactive enough. It's happened before. A girl I courted for YEARS, and we were so damn close, but I was away at school and the long distance thing impeded things. Finally I arrive home for good and we meet for lunch and I find out she was dating a guy she met just a month before, on a blind f*****g date.

Now they're engaged. That SOB stole my chance at happiness then, and I just CAN'T let someone else do it again with her. God I have so much love to give someone, if only someone would just let me in and give me that chance to prove I have value and worth.

I wish I knew her address. I'd send flowers. My dad did that after his first date with my mom, and they got engaged three months later...

You're not hopeless or worthless. Please see the positive in this great day!

I disagree with ZX...telling yourself the most you can do is mess something up is overwhelmingly negative and untrue.

Patience is one of the hardest things in the world. But it's so worth it.

You have had a great day. Don't lose that.

I guess I don't see how great it is. I met a great woman who I probably have no chance in hell with. I sense she wasn't that impressed by me, and she has plenty of other, better suitors. I fear this is just another date that goes no where. I feel like Tantalus.

I suggest you reframe your thoughts.

For example, you could be thinking, wow that was a really positive experience, I had a nice lunch with a nice woman and I am interested in seeing her again. You wrote her a short note and she responded in a positive fashion. Win Win.

The waiting is the hardest part, no doubt about it, but wait you must.

In the meanwhile, pursue some other potential friendships to keep yourself busy.

Do not fixate on this woman, though it sounds like you already are.

I mean think of how it could have gone, she could have been a 'no show', it could have been a terrible, awkward lunch, you could have disliked her on sight or vice versa.

It sounds like, to me anyhow, for a 'blind date' it went extremely well. Will she become the love of your life? Only time will tell.

If you start emailing her every day you could scare her off with your intensity.

Give her the space she has requested, and in the meanwhile, keep looking. If she is interested, she will let you know. If you put all your eggs into one basket, meaning, you stop your efforts to meet someone, you will be devastated if she never gets back to you.

Think positive and meanwhile keep looking. Did I say that enough?

Here comes the hard part. You have to be PATIENT. It's a good sign that she texted you back so soon. If you send flowers or try to impress her or text her everyday she'll think you're desperate. I started a thread just last week about a guy I like. I'm trying VERY HARD to be patient and not email him five times a day and ask him a million questions...I go from feeling insecure and clueless to happy and hopeful every couple of hours, or so it seems. So relax and try to remember the good stuff about your lunch today while you WAIT.

Ah yes... haven't seen you posting in a while Bri.
A question if I may, can you live independantly or would you need someone there all the time?
I know your feeling down because one girl ditched you for a guy and you think that every other girl will do the same.
Simple fact of the matter is that you can't expect anyone to love you if you don't even respect yourself... I don't know what you went through but if you try to enjoy life a bit, then maybe you can find a partner and have high spirits. No female would date a guy who does this much sulking, only works when women sulk.

It sounds like you don't like the style of dating she does where it's just fleeting meetings almost like job interviews. I don't blame you. Maybe you would be happier meeting people for romantic prospects in a more low-key relaxed environment, online or not. You're allowed to have preferences too you know and yours are just as important is this person you met's. You aren't unfit to be a person if she decides she's looking for someone else. In fact you could look at this date as eh, she was neat and everything, but the person who's right for me will show more interest and appreciate me as much as I am able to appreciate her. It's not your fault or failing if she is not able to appreciate you in a romantic manner. Someone else will.

BrianRuns, have you been to therapy? And I don't mean that in an insulting way. You have a sense of entitlement along with an anger problem that reminds of Sodini. I've seen your pics, you aren't completely ugly, but you don't have the looks or social personality to attract these beautiful women you want, then you get mad when they friend zone you (probably because you act really nice in person and don't know how much anger you have inside so they think they can keep you as the gay friend.)

I'm not allowed to post here and will probably be banned as soon as a moderator finds out that I am, but I just had to speak up. People on here are extra nice to you because they don't want to hurt your feelings, but this type of talk of yours is downright scary.

Even if you got a girlfriend out of your league (or any girlfriend for that matter) you'd likely scare her off by calling/texting her every second and being overly clingy/needy and potentially emotionally or physically abusive.

I know you won't listen to a word I say because you think you're entitled to a certain beautiful woman, but really trust me on this, a girlfriend isn't the answer to your problems. If you don't like yourself (which clearly you don't) and have anger issues, a relationship isn't fair to you or the woman.

You also have to either let go of these beautiful girl standards or realize that if you do go for women out of your league, you're going to have a lot of competition. Like I said, I've seen your pics, if you had a healthy mind and realistic standards, you could have a girlfriend.

For your own good and for women's benefit, get the help you need.

Like I said, I suspect this will go through deaf ears, you'll continue to be mad at the world because you don't have a beautiful girlfriend and fester up anger inside, but you have a choice.

Please don't stalk this girl btw. If she saw these posts you've made on here, odds are she wouldn't have accepted the date in the first place. Just leave her alone.

At least I am not the only one who thinks Bri has no self-respect. ^

Please, please, please don't invoke Sodini. I know all about him. Believe me I fear that's what I could become. But I know I won't. I could never hurt anyone. I feel guilty when I see others even step on a bug.

I believe I'm supposed to do something really good and special here on Earth. I don't know what it is, because I have no idea what talent or worth I have. Maybe I have nothing in me more than a few scratches on the page by a mediocrity.

I'm just so lonely. I'm sick of going home every night, and working on my projects alone...restoring antiques that no one will enjoy, or making films that no one will really watch. I desperately crave some kind of affection that I've never really had...oh of course I had loving parents, but parents are SUPPOSED to love you. It's hardly a choice. I want someone who chooses me. I want someone who will tell me their problems, and I tell them mine. Who I can cook dinner for, who'll watch movies with me so I won't watch them alone. Who'lll walk with me and hold my hand.

Jeez, I actually have dreams at night about a girl who walks up to me and holds my hand. Simple as that. That's all I want.

And where have I ever suggested I'm entitled? I've put myself out there. I don't expect people to love me. I just want the chance to prove I am worth loving. I've tried hundreds of women...I've lost count how many times I've tried. I don' think I'm shooting too high. I just want someone who has some kind of passion for their work, as I do for mine, and who takes care of themself. No, I couldn't date a fat person, because fat is not healthy, and since I'm a runner, I'd like someone who similarly enjoys an active life, and who won't abuse their bodies.

As a matter of fact, beautiful people are a turn off for me, because often their looks are their prize and they are vain and vapid, and I find that the ugliest trait in people. I mean, I tried to date a girl who had CANCER for crying out loud. We corresponded for 18 months, but she wasn't interested. She was dating someone else. She didn't choose me. She died a year ago, and I still think about her....partly because of what will never be, but also because she was better than me. I wish I could trade places. She was so beautiful and kind hearted, and deserved my life. I deserved to die, not her.

I've been to therapy, for six months after I was fired from my job. I worked my ass off scraping by for two years, and earned back that job from which I was fired, even got a raise! But I can't do therapy now. My work schedule won't allow it, and besides, the stigma is too great were anyone to find out.

And what good would it do? It wouldn't change the fact that I cannot get anyone to date me, which is why I'm so unhappy. If someone would only give me a chance, then I would know I'm worthy and that would solve everything in an instant. I know it.

But I also know there are things I can't change. That I'm not blessed with good looks. That I was cursed with AS. That I don't make much money, that I'm a crummy artist. That I'm a failed human being without friends.

But if I could just find that one person who would accept me warts and all, I'd know I'm not so bad.

Please know I could never hurt anyone. I only feel the desire to please others so they'll like me, maybe even love me.

Yes I do have anger, but it is aimed squarely at me, for not being better, for being such a flawed loser who still can't get a girlfriend when everyone else I know is getting married and having kids. If I am capable of violence, it would only be at myself. I daily wonder if suicide isn't the best option to what I've got going on now...But I'm too scared of death, too scared of disappointing my parents to go through with it.

So all I do is keep trying, in the hopes that the next person might be the one who will give me a shot. But it doesn't come, and each date is more excruciating than the last...

You are all about running. Can't you post somewhere for a woman runner companion? I would think there are some women runners who would appreciate a male running buddy. Maybe it could blossom into something more?

Don't be so hard on yourself. really!

I just want to say this. If you think dating is hard work, it's nothing compared to a marriage. If you think getting a woman to fall for you is hard, try spending the rest of your life trying to keep it that way. It turns to hell for both involved, I assure you.

I'm not saying don't put your best foot forward. I'm saying don't sell yourself too well. You want a woman to marry you and find out there's hidden wonders in her new life with you. You don't want to say all the right things so she falls for a man that's not the person she thinks.

If you really want a relationship that will last and grow, you need to find someone who will accept you and love you for you. After all, dating is the proving ground for a lifelong, intimate relationship; not some interview process where you bs your way into a dream job you're not qualified for.

I've noticed a trend (I did this also) where aspies think they can make someone love them. That's a hard thing to do, but it's easy compared to the discovery you don't know how to love them, and then spend the rest your lives ( yes lives, yours and hers) trying and failing to become the man she fell in love with, but you never were.


Just be
Yourself. Relax.
You can't
Force
Real chemistry. You can't make someone's mind up for them.

But what if being myself gets me nowhere? I feel like I have been myself, but no one wants that.

I just don't want to die having lived my life alone. I'm terrified of it.

BriansRuns, I think aliceinchains is either trying to provoke a reaction out of you or working out issues he has with what he sees as his own failings or both. As he said he expects to get banned, I don't think he posted to offer rational advice but for some other reasons that have nothing to do with the facts of your problem. I have no clue what leap of logic he took to make the Sodini connection.

When I was your age, I decided I was tired of the dating game and I decided the hell with men. Seriously.

Shortly after that I met my husband. I was not looking.

Calm down please.

First off, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I was there too. So remember everything I say applies to me too!

You feel so alone now, and you are, but there are worse kinds of alone then what you're feeling. Being with someone doesn't guarantee companionship and joy. You can be with someone and be 10 times more alone and miserable then you were by yourself. You can be in bed next to the love of your life, and she shrugs away from you even in her sleep, because she's that hurt.

I used to hate myself all the time. I got fixated on this idea that if I could just find someone to love me, then my whole life would change. And it did change! It got WORSE! Trust me when I say this; if you don't love yourself, there's no woman who ever lived that can change that. You have got to accept yourself and love yourself, or you'll just be a bottomless well some poor woman pours her life into, and gets nothing back for it.

Many men have walked the same path in life before I walked it. Many men have walked it since. You are walking it now. This is not like in the movies, where they find love in the end and run off into the rainbows together. This is LIFE. And it's more real, more work. and more disappointing then anyone can imagine. And you can't fool life.

Getting into a relationship doesn't solve problems. It creates problems. All the way from where do I put toothbrush now to there's some things about this person i just can't stand. And it creates people too. Little kids who grow up in their parent's shattered delusions.There's so much more at stake then one man's lonliness.

Do yourself a favor. Don't do ANYTHING you are not totally at ease with doing the rest of your life. Because the trend is the courtship ends after marriage, even in an NT/NT relationship. Don't make it where "normal" ends after marriage begins.

Just be you. And if you want to work on yourself, by all means do so. Just remember to be honest. If she doesn't pick you because of that, it's better that way, I assure you.

I wish you success!