On one-night stands and physical interaction...

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ValentineWiggin
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16 Apr 2012, 1:11 pm

MXH wrote:
Gita wrote:
One night stands are not about making new friends. Often, and usually the two people involved are so embarrassed they never look at each other again. Also, be assured your name will be out there as a person who is pretty loose. I won't use the bad word that goes with this. There is absolutely nothing interesting about doing things animals would do in a coat closet at a party. IMHO.


another one in the same boat. Too ashamed to talk to each other? The only things ive heard happen after one night stands was liking having sex with them enough to become f**k buddies. Things animals do in a closet? Newsflash, humans are animals.


I agree with Gita- I thought that type of drunken, embarrassed, oh-no-I-hooked-up-with-so-and-so-at-the-party was pretty common.
Although whether that constitutes a "true" one night stand is questionable- it is in the sense that presumably, the level of interaction thereafter never exceeds a platonic level.

Also, I don't see how it's passing moral judgement on anyone to say one night stands are by definition less substantive "relationships" than other types, especially the strictest sense of the word: you meet someone, have sex, and never see or hear from them again. It involves no prudery or conservatism to say that's a different level of interaction than looking for the mother of your children.


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MXH
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16 Apr 2012, 5:29 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:
MXH wrote:
Gita wrote:
One night stands are not about making new friends. Often, and usually the two people involved are so embarrassed they never look at each other again. Also, be assured your name will be out there as a person who is pretty loose. I won't use the bad word that goes with this. There is absolutely nothing interesting about doing things animals would do in a coat closet at a party. IMHO.


another one in the same boat. Too ashamed to talk to each other? The only things ive heard happen after one night stands was liking having sex with them enough to become f**k buddies. Things animals do in a closet? Newsflash, humans are animals.


I agree with Gita- I thought that type of drunken, embarrassed, oh-no-I-hooked-up-with-so-and-so-at-the-party was pretty common.
Although whether that constitutes a "true" one night stand is questionable- it is in the sense that presumably, the level of interaction thereafter never exceeds a platonic level.

Also, I don't see how it's passing moral judgement on anyone to say one night stands are by definition less substantive "relationships" than other types, especially the strictest sense of the word: you meet someone, have sex, and never see or hear from them again. It involves no prudery or conservatism to say that's a different level of interaction than looking for the mother of your children.


Most people that get into them were planing on it. I can understand if your prince charming woke up being a frog that would be embarrassing or simply because its easier to pretend you are embarrased at what happened and that its the alcohol so people wont judge you. If anything i know more women into one night stands than i know guys into them.

Its passing moral judgement to call those people shallow. Would it classify as a relationship? Depends on definition. But calling them shallow for what they do is something thats only done by someone who dislikes them, for whatever reason. That is more shallow than the one night "relationship" itself.



ZX_SpectrumDisorder
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16 Apr 2012, 5:39 pm

The last one night stand I had, I woke to find the girl looking through old pictures of herself saying 'Yeah you wouldn't have even looked at me, back then.' Er... OK. I made my excuses and left.



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16 Apr 2012, 9:35 pm

The risk of getting an STD is too high.


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ValentineWiggin
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16 Apr 2012, 10:46 pm

MXH wrote:
Its passing moral judgement to call those people shallow.

No, it isn't. You are projecting attitudes onto other people based on your subjective perception of the connotations of "shallow".
For me, it simply means it's a less substantive relationship than other types.
MXH wrote:
But calling them shallow for what they do is something thats only done by someone who dislikes them, for whatever reason.

I can assure you that's not the case:
I think one night stands are shallow, and I pass no moral judgement on people who engage in them- I've had a few, myself.
I also think small talk is shallow, and I don't pass moral judgement on that practice, either.


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hyperlexian
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17 Apr 2012, 12:08 am

*raises hand* ... had a one night stand turn into a marriage. :lol:

if the sex/connection is really good, i think it's worth contemplating a second night and more. why not? good sex is hard to find, and you may turn out to have something in common.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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17 Apr 2012, 2:54 am

I saw it happening in my early 20s years, yet I saw it happening with very few guys.

What I concluded that for a man to get a one night stand has to be highly good-looking with a a typical hot male body and the like (way above average).

Since a sex-seeking woman can get an man in the bar for a one-night and since there is more supply than demand (in most societies, women seeking for casual sex are less in number than men) and since other traits such as personality (as long he's not an axe murderer), manners and career don't matter here, then she would then only pick the hottest man in the looks department.

Being a smooth-talker might help but the main major factor is the looks here. Period.

It's like watching porn, guys would pick the 'hottest' pornstars to watch at because there are a lot of porn supply and nothing other than looks matters here.

Some studies concur my personal observations too:

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/20 ... 080749.htm

So if you are a male and you don't look like a celeb or a male model then you are not a one-night material.



Afr0
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17 Apr 2012, 7:44 am

hyperlexian wrote:
*raises hand* ... had a one night stand turn into a marriage. :lol:


I knew it! 8)
Honestly though, I think the bottom line is that I am really frustrated with the lack of any kind of physical interaction (aside from the odd hug, now and then) in my relationships with women, and I think that's more or less why I started this thread. It seems to me like one-night-stands are the prescribed solution for people who either aren't interested or capable of being in a relationship, though from what The_Face_of_Boo wrote, it might be that I am around people who are simply too good looking. :P
That said, I have seen friendships and relationships develop from one-night-stands, but not enough to determine if it is the 'norm' or not.