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I lost the love of my life because of being an aspie

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BethBuchwald
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10 May 2012, 10:08 am

I'm really terrified this is going to happen with me and my boyfriend. I am naturally a very affectionate person, and I tend to crave the same level of affection. Being in a long distance relationship with a potential aspie can be so hard sometimes that it makes me want to rip my hair out. It's hard enough that he's never around because he's away at school, but he doesn't seem to get that I need little reminders here and there that he still cares about me. I've tried very hard to be patient and understanding, but I'm in this relationship, too. If he is like this for a specific reason, like AS, I'm totally fine with that, as long as I know that's it. If he's just a selfish jerk, that's another story. His school term is ending today, so hopefully things will improve. I have my own apartment, my own job and my own life, so it's not a matter of being overly needy and clingy. But, as a grown woman, I do have needs. I just hope he understands that.

I'm sorry to hear this happened to you. I've been at the breaking point many times, so I know how she feels. If things do not work out with this girl, I wish you all the best in finding someone who truly understands you and cares about you. :)



RightGalaxy
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11 May 2012, 8:25 am

BUT that's how you are. If your partner left you because of who you are, then that's a good thing. What will you do, pretend to be someone else and have a person fall in love with a character that you created in your head? So, in other words, you have to pretend to be someone else to make someone stay? That's doesn't make any sense!! !! !! ! :x Surely, that other person refused to be someone else other than just themself. It was their true self who could not get along with you, not somebody they created in their head. Get over it!! Either a couple is compatible or not - there's no such thing as FORCED compatibility! Suppose you were a lawyer and owned a firm and met a girl who hated lawyers, what are you going to do?! !
Give up your practice?! Look, as far as that person is concerned, GOOD RIDDANCE!! !
She didn't change for you, so why should you change for her!



RightGalaxy
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11 May 2012, 8:32 am

Sowlowsolo wrote:
Have you told her you love her? Is that something you could say to her cause I'm bettin you still have her number or email address?



BAD IDEA!! I'll explain. I did this too once. My partner replied, "I love you too but we can't endure. We're too different." Some people live to hear those words. This might hook her but there has to be compatibility to stand the test of time. It feels good to be loved and told this but it is still not enough for a relationship - there has to be connections that help it endure stress and the test of time. Compatibility is everything. Love only in the most general sense does conquer all - but only in the most general sense - for example, Christian love. A Christian might extend to you the love of Christ but doesn't necessarily want to marry you or even have anything to do with you even after they helped get you through a difficult time.



RightGalaxy
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11 May 2012, 8:43 am

BethBuchwald wrote:
I'm really terrified this is going to happen with me and my boyfriend. I am naturally a very affectionate person, and I tend to crave the same level of affection. Being in a long distance relationship with a potential aspie can be so hard sometimes that it makes me want to rip my hair out. It's hard enough that he's never around because he's away at school, but he doesn't seem to get that I need little reminders here and there that he still cares about me. I've tried very hard to be patient and understanding, but I'm in this relationship, too. If he is like this for a specific reason, like AS, I'm totally fine with that, as long as I know that's it. If he's just a selfish jerk, that's another story. His school term is ending today, so hopefully things will improve. I have my own apartment, my own job and my own life, so it's not a matter of being overly needy and clingy. But, as a grown woman, I do have needs. I just hope he understands that.

I'm sorry to hear this happened to you. I've been at the breaking point many times, so I know how she feels. If things do not work out with this girl, I wish you all the best in finding someone who truly understands you and cares about you. :)


I was in a similar situation once. I was certain that my aspie boyfriend was just simply doing his school work away at university. Upon graduation, his family held a big party for him being that he was the first to graduate college. I attended the party only to be introduced to his fiancee! He refered to meas his best friend. It hurt like hell. Shouldn't a guy be having sex with his fiancee instead of his so-called best friend. Is that a way to treat a friend??? The girl picked up on it but it didn't stop anything. He even had the nerve to invite me to his wedding. I didn't attend. It took me almost a year to defrost from that blizzard. Aspies can be really cold...just like the rest of the world - they're no different! The truth is everybody wants they want with little regard for others. "Wait" for no man!! !! !!



PastFixations
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11 May 2012, 9:08 am

RightGalaxy wrote:
Aspies can be really cold...just like the rest of the world - they're no different! The truth is everybody wants they want with little regard for others. "Wait" for no man!! !! !!

Not all aspies are that cold. I mean I know that sometimes I don't regard people enough but that's not because I don't approve of what they do...


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