Someone Please Explain

Page 2 of 4 [ 51 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2, 3, 4 Next

Previous topic | Next topic

Kinme
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 Apr 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,002
Location: Spaghetti

19 Apr 2012, 12:38 am

Delphiki wrote:

tell him?

He specifically KNOWS I'm not. I have told him that I have no interest in relationships.

Kinme
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 Apr 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,002
Location: Spaghetti

19 Apr 2012, 12:38 am

hyperlexian wrote:

Kinme wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

Kinme wrote:

Delphiki wrote:

To me sweet dreams just seems like it is something slightly more personal (in a platonic way too). You can tell a stranger good night or good bye, but you would not usualy tell someoen you don't know sweet dreams

This same guy is telling me that he misses having someone sleep next to him. Can you explain that?

he wants you to sleep next to him.

I have no intention or interest in doing that. How can I STOP him from thinking I'm interested?

send fewer and shorter messages and don't tell him details like when you are going to bed (unless he needs to know so he stops talking for the day).

That's the entire reason I'd tell him- he won't leave me alone unless I do.

Kinme
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 Apr 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,002
Location: Spaghetti

19 Apr 2012, 12:58 am

Delphiki wrote:

tell him?

not saying that will change how he feels. And he will be crushed probably, but it will help him move on. And he will appreciate you being forward about it (maybe not at first, but I would like that). But I also wouldn't have texted I miss sleeping next to a girl.

He's pretty vulgar at times... He keeps asking me things like "have you gotten laid yet?" I've stopped talking to him on and off, but I feel guilty because I've known him for so long. If he continues this crap, I may as well just not talk to him anymore. He doesn't seem like he's being respectful of my wishes at all.

ThinkTrees
Sea Gull

Joined: 5 Apr 2012
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 218

19 Apr 2012, 1:51 am

I had exactly the same problem.
I was very clear and direct, but he just persisted. And he was in fact hoping to change my mind & make me want to be with him.
It is disrespectful. As if everything I said/texted meant nothing. Noone wants to be with someone who doesn't listen...
Thankfully, he eventually realised I was being real, & I think he's given up now.

_________________
AS 169/200
NT 23/200

edgewaters
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Aug 2006
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,427
Location: Ontario

19 Apr 2012, 2:24 am

Kinme wrote:

Delphiki wrote:

Bingo.

I have a premise that I don't owe anyone my company. It doesn't matter how long I've known them. I may owe an explanation depending on the situation, but otherwise there is no debt to satisfy. This doesn't apply to family or committed relationships, that comes under other rules.

If I'm having doubts about someone, I ask myself: Are either of us benefitting from this? Who is benefitting, and how are they benefitting?

In this case, nobody is benefitting. You're annoyed, and he's wasting his time. What's the point?

Sowlowsolo
Deinonychus

Joined: 22 Jun 2010
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 300
Location: Wiltshire,UK

19 Apr 2012, 3:54 am

I had this happen last year kinme.
A friend tried to fix me up with someone which I went along with.
Having met him I thought he was nice enough but I didn't fancy him.
I did allow my friend to pass on my number cause I'm always willing to try to adopt a new friend.
I told him straight off we would only be friends.
It took quite some time and a number of reminders to get him to understand it was nothing more.
I was a bit surprised that it did take a while and thought he might never get it!
He did tend to pop innuendo in his messages that would turn my stomach

You'll get through this. I'm betting you don't want to leave the guy feeling crushed while at the same time you just want him to get that it isn't going anywhere. You may be feeling a little guilty as though you're doing something wrong. You're not.

Just keep on telling him - you only like him as a friend and that you mean it when you say you like being single - it will sink in after a while.

Ancalagon
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Dec 2007
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,302

19 Apr 2012, 8:46 am

Kinme wrote:

That's justification to not talk to him anymore. You don't need to feel guilty about it, either.

_________________
"A dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it." --G. K. Chesterton

nomadder
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 3 Aug 2011
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 62

19 Apr 2012, 9:33 am

Kinme wrote:

If he says he wants someone to sleep next to, suggest he get a girlfriend. Then repeat you're not interested in a relationship.

If he gets vulgar, say 'that's vulgar' or 'that's a personal question' with emphasis on 'personal'. If he doesn't respect your wishes, end the conversation by saying 'I've got to go now' and cut him off.

He obviously likes you and is pushing to see where he can get. You don't need to put up with that, even if you consider him a long term friend.

_________________
I think I'm a not so typical NT
Your score: 106/200 (Aspie), 110/200 (NT)
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits
AQ 23/50, EQSQ-R EQ 34 SQ 93 (Extreme Systemizer)

nick007
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,736
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

19 Apr 2012, 12:52 pm

Kinme wrote:

AScomposer13413 wrote:

Kinme wrote:

I've had this happen on multiple occasions now by several different guys. They like to say "sweet dreams" before I go to sleep. I tell them "I'm going to sleep," during text messages (even when I don't respond to them for 5+ hours) and they always insist on telling me this. What does it even mean? I understand the whole "have good dreams," but is there anything else to it? I feel at a loss of words to respond with. I say "You too." What else is there TO say? I'm not interested in any of these guys in a romantic way. Is that supposed to be romantic? Is it only out of friendship? I'm seriously confused. Just annoying when I have literally no idea their meaning behind saying it. Why do they care whether or not I have good dreams? -.-

"Sweet dreams!" = "Good night", in most cases. Not much extra meaning behind it, usually. Your response is okay as well!!

I hope not. I can never understand what these people mean when they say those kinds of things. Just tell me "goodnight" or "see you tomorrow." I've always associated "sweet dreams" with something romantic because it has "sweet" in it.

I only use it when trying to be affectionate towards the person which is during a romantic relationship. I'm an Aspie guy thou so I may not get this kind of talk the way NTs typically would. Anyways... Just tell the guy your chatting with something like "Night" if you've mentioned begging tired already or say something like "I'm going to bed now, Night" & turn your phone or the sound off & don't worry about him.

_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill

"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition

Kinme
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 Apr 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,002
Location: Spaghetti

19 Apr 2012, 4:56 pm

ThinkTrees wrote:

That is exactly what I'm meaning. I don't know how he EVER assumed I was attracted to him in any way, honestly. Just because I talk to him doesn't mean I'm interested in anything more than friendship. -.-

Kinme
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 Apr 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,002
Location: Spaghetti

19 Apr 2012, 4:58 pm

nick007 wrote:

Kinme wrote:

AScomposer13413 wrote:

Kinme wrote:

"Sweet dreams!" = "Good night", in most cases. Not much extra meaning behind it, usually. Your response is okay as well!!

That is what I was thinking too, nick007. I would ONLY ever use it to be affectionate to the person I care for. That's a good idea. I could do that, too.

Kinme
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 Apr 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,002
Location: Spaghetti

19 Apr 2012, 4:59 pm

nomadder wrote:

Kinme wrote:

THAT is such a good idea. I don't know how I didn't think of that. I hope he doesn't pull out the "but I can't find anyone" card. Thanks for the advice.

Kinme
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 Apr 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,002
Location: Spaghetti

19 Apr 2012, 5:00 pm

-wrong post

Last edited by Kinme on 19 Apr 2012, 5:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Kinme
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 Apr 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,002
Location: Spaghetti

19 Apr 2012, 5:01 pm

edgewaters wrote:

Kinme wrote:

Delphiki wrote:

I just sometimes feel it's rude, only because I've known him for such an extended period of time. If I barely knew him, I'd stop talking to him altogether. Just sucks when people do this kind of stuff, and they won't listen to "no" or "I'm not interested." How much more obvious can a person be?

Boxman108
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 2 Jan 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,832
Location: NH

19 Apr 2012, 5:02 pm

Pretending to be the victim seems like a lot of fun.

_________________
About suffering they were never wrong,
The Old Masters: how well they understood
Its human position; how it takes place
While someone else is eating or opening a window or
just walking dully along...

Kinme
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 Apr 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,002
Location: Spaghetti

19 Apr 2012, 5:03 pm

Ancalagon wrote:

Kinme wrote:

That's justification to not talk to him anymore. You don't need to feel guilty about it, either.

Hard to sometimes. I've dealt with it multiple times now, and each time I feel guilty and keep wanting to "give him another chance" to be my friend.

Page 2 of 4 [ 51 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2, 3, 4 Next

Jump to:

Someone Please Explain Post Reply New Topic

Someone Please Explain