Girlfriend

Page 2 of 2 [ 31 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2

Previous topic | Next topic

ValentineWiggin
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 May 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,907
Location: Beneath my cat's paw

19 Apr 2012, 7:34 pm

Boxman108 wrote:

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:

shyguy2012 wrote:

The best way is to be her friend.. Then let it build from there and it will happen.

No, don't do that. There's nothing worse than thinking a guy is your friend only to find out he's just acting friendly to get in your pants.
Relationships involve a lot of awkward conversations (especially sexual relationships) so if you want to be in a relationship you're going to have to get used to that.
Use your words, ask her "would you like to be my girlfriend?"
boom easy

It's not pretending. You can't just dive right into a relationship without building upon friendship first.

A lot of relationships don't have any pretense of platonic interaction in the beginning- there's immediate, reciprocated attraction, and the getting-to-know-you phase proceeds accordingly.

_________________
"Such is the Frailty
of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest."

Boxman108
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 2 Jan 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,832
Location: NH

19 Apr 2012, 9:13 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:

Boxman108 wrote:

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:

shyguy2012 wrote:

The best way is to be her friend.. Then let it build from there and it will happen.

It's not pretending. You can't just dive right into a relationship without building upon friendship first.

A lot of relationships don't have any pretense of platonic interaction in the beginning- there's immediate, reciprocated attraction, and the getting-to-know-you phase proceeds accordingly.

Anything rushed will only ever end in failure. Why bother with people you don't already know?

_________________
About suffering they were never wrong,
The Old Masters: how well they understood
Its human position; how it takes place
While someone else is eating or opening a window or
just walking dully along...

ValentineWiggin
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 May 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,907
Location: Beneath my cat's paw

19 Apr 2012, 9:47 pm

Boxman108 wrote:

ValentineWiggin wrote:

Boxman108 wrote:

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:

shyguy2012 wrote:

The best way is to be her friend.. Then let it build from there and it will happen.

It's not pretending. You can't just dive right into a relationship without building upon friendship first.

A lot of relationships don't have any pretense of platonic interaction in the beginning- there's immediate, reciprocated attraction, and the getting-to-know-you phase proceeds accordingly.

Anything rushed will only ever end in failure. Why bother with people you don't already know?

I didn't say to "rush" things, merely that it's not a requirement that people pretend to only be platonically attracted to each other, for the sake of "getting to know each other". Those can be done in a flirtatious, early-relationship way, too.

blunnet
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Apr 2011
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,053

19 Apr 2012, 9:57 pm

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:

I find it's best at knifepoint.

Why didn't I think of that.

edgewaters
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Aug 2006
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,427
Location: Ontario

19 Apr 2012, 10:57 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:

You might be assuming that a platonic friendship that goes somewhere else always starts with intent, though ("pretending"). If you are, I disagree. It does happen, of course, but also relationships just sometimes change. To me this is obvious because they can change in other ways besides that. Casual acquaintance to close/best friend or vice-versa, for instance.

DogsWithoutHorses
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 5 Apr 2012
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,146
Location: New York

19 Apr 2012, 11:05 pm

Boxman108 wrote:

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:

shyguy2012 wrote:

The best way is to be her friend.. Then let it build from there and it will happen.

It's not pretending. You can't just dive right into a relationship without building upon friendship first.

Romance growing out of a true, honest friendship is great. But you shouldn't try to become someone's "friend" just because you want to date/have sex with them. That is disingenuous.

_________________
If your success is defined as being well adjusted to injustice and well adapted to indifference, then we don?t want successful leaders. We want great leaders- who are unbought, unbound, unafraid, and unintimidated to tell the truth.

Wolfheart
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 17 Feb 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,971
Location: Kent, England

20 Apr 2012, 1:18 am

Boxman108 wrote:

It's not pretending. You can't just dive right into a relationship without building upon friendship first.

Some relationships or most are formed straight away without any kind of friendship forming. Sometimes the chemistry or feelings are too strong that two people just start dating, that's more likely the case.

cinbad
Deinonychus

Joined: 13 Aug 2011
Age: 67
Gender: Female
Posts: 377

20 Apr 2012, 1:20 am

Wolfheart wrote:

Boxman108 wrote:

It's not pretending. You can't just dive right into a relationship without building upon friendship first.

What he said.

_________________
My whole life has been an exercise in original thinking. While I was looking in vain for the answers in books, I found them within myself.

Homer_Bob
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 5 Jan 2009
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,562
Location: New England

20 Apr 2012, 7:36 pm

Be friend them and hope they aren't seeing someone. Take an interest in her life and go out of your way to get to know her. However, don't wait around forever because if you do, eventually someone else will get her. That's been my experience and it's disappointing. I've befriended girls but I didn't get to ask them out in time and low and behold, they were dating someone else while I was just their pal.

_________________
"The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. I'm not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. The best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes."

Boxman108
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 2 Jan 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,832
Location: NH

20 Apr 2012, 11:22 pm

Wolfheart wrote:

Boxman108 wrote:

It's not pretending. You can't just dive right into a relationship without building upon friendship first.

Otherwise known as reckless behavior.

Inyanook
Sea Gull

Joined: 13 Apr 2012
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 204

20 Apr 2012, 11:31 pm

Boxman108 wrote:

Wolfheart wrote:

Boxman108 wrote:

It's not pretending. You can't just dive right into a relationship without building upon friendship first.

Otherwise known as reckless behavior.

Just different, really. It's not something I would consider, I think, because I tend to not be comfortable enough with people until I am close to them — but I do know people who have done just that, and it's fine. If you're mutually attracted, why not get together?

_________________
The past, the present and the future walked into a bar.

...

It was tense.

Boxman108
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 2 Jan 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,832
Location: NH

20 Apr 2012, 11:50 pm

Inyanook wrote:

Boxman108 wrote:

Wolfheart wrote:

Boxman108 wrote:

It's not pretending. You can't just dive right into a relationship without building upon friendship first.

Otherwise known as reckless behavior.

Mutual attraction doesn't have any solid ground to build a serious relationship on. There's no such thing as love at first sight, and those that believe that are doomed from the start.

AspieOtaku
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 17 Feb 2012
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,051
Location: San Jose

21 Apr 2012, 12:33 am

:oops: Im not the best at asking them out I kind of freeze and walk away. They usually tend to ask me out and make the first moves on me. :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:

_________________
Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList

hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

21 Apr 2012, 1:30 am

sometimes relationships start with friendship, and sometimes they kick off quickly as relationships. but usually there is a bit of "get to know you" period before it is official, so the two parties are at least acquainted.

so walking up to a stranger and asking her to be your girlfriend is doomed to fail, but asking someone after you've been hanging out for a while might be acceptable. you don't have to be besties, but presumably you've been drawn to each other for some period of time.

i think that an expression of feelings should precede asking them to be your girlfriend. telling her you really enjoy spending time with her is one idea. then if she responds well, then a few days after that tell her that you have stronger feelings, that you really care for her deeply. if she again responds well, hold her hand or something, then later on ask her to make it official.

_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
viewtopic.php?t=391105

AScomposer13413
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 1 Feb 2012
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,157
Location: Canada

21 Apr 2012, 9:37 am

hyperlexian wrote:

sometimes relationships start with friendship, and sometimes they kick off quickly as relationships. but usually there is a bit of "get to know you" period before it is official, so the two parties are at least acquainted.

so walking up to a stranger and asking her to be your girlfriend is doomed to fail, but asking someone after you've been hanging out for a while might be acceptable. you don't have to be besties, but presumably you've been drawn to each other for some period of time.

i think that an expression of feelings should precede asking them to be your girlfriend. telling her you really enjoy spending time with her is one idea. then if she responds well, then a few days after that tell her that you have stronger feelings, that you really care for her deeply. if she again responds well, hold her hand or something, then later on ask her to make it official.

Hm...I've used this kind of system in the past, but it always failed due to my skipping the step in italics. At first, I was going to completely ditch that approach and wing it, but now you've given me a reason to go back to it!! Thanks, Hyperlexian

Page 2 of 2 [ 31 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2

Jump to:

Girlfriend Post Reply New Topic

Girlfriend