Distant relationship?

Post Reply New Topic

Yes, I believe it is possible to be attracted to someone even if they live in another country. I once had a relationship with a man from Africa (and I'm from the USA). I think we may have been more attracted to the idea of each other than anything, but we did continue the relationship for over a year through email, Yahoo messenger with webcam, and he would call me on occasion. We both said we loved each other and we considered ourselves engaged after about 8 months. There were a lot of miscommunications, not only because it is hard to judge the tone of voice in emails but because of cultural, religious and other differences. I don't know how we ever would have met since he couldn't come to my country and I couldn't go to his for reasons that he was trying to force me to overcome. The whole thing fell apart but that doesn't mean it isn't possible for others especially if there is more in common between the two.

My current relationship is not out of the country but it is long distance. I am attracted to him and in love with him. We email, use Yahoo messenger and we text. As of right now there has only been one phonecall but that's okay as I have anxiety attacks whenever someone calls me or I have to call someone. This relationship is far more secure because we both believe in communication (such as when there's a difference in interpretation we talk about it instead of fighting about it), we share things in common, and we don't have serious differences in beliefs causing tension between us. We agree on what we want and where we are heading with our relationship. We are committed to each other. We plan on meeting in person as soon as we are able to.

In general, long distant relationships are sometimes the only relationships a person can have, especially if they are like me and not very socially active and suffering from multiple anxiety disorders. (Or anything else that limits social communication, like AS.) I am far better at writing than I am at talking. And, it gives one the chance to get to know a personality in finer perspective than otherwise would be possible. The relationships have a high probability of success as long as there is understanding, honesty, communication, loyalty and commitment. Not to mention love as I would expect that to be a requirement in the first place.

Hrrm I don't know for myself, I don't see how it could work. One of the most important things in a relationship for me is to be able to be silent together in each other's presence, comfortably.

Yes. I was very attracted to someone from another country. We visited each other often.

We used Skype and we also texted and media messaged each other.
I really enjoyed our relationship. When we saw each other it was exciting and very scary at the same time.

I think long distance relationships are completely possible and can be successful if both people try and have a lot of trust for each other. A lot of love can help too, and also making plans for marriage or at least to be with each the sometime in the future.

i am in long distance relationship. but it's kinda weird on my end. not telling though. but they are

possible just not really. sometimes the relationship can go for years but end up pointless. but that's

how relationships are sometimes.

I think distance relationship is possible in today's world. Because of the technologies you can stay connected with your loved ones. But personally, I dont think distance relationship work out. You dont wanna fall in love with a computer after all. I've been in one, we were in touch for few months but slowly things changed and we mutually called it off.

I would like to share my experience. Not like it is going to give you any additional insight on the issue raised though, I am going to mostly add to the questions asked here.
5 months ago I've met a girl. It was when I travelled through Europe, and happened to do so using ground transportation. I was on my vacation and she was returning from hers. Originally she is from my country, but studies in central Europe now. She was pretty, but didn't attract much of my attention at the moment I met her, but since I try to talk more often to random people in order to improve my social skills, I approached her. After having a dinner together (not that I asked her anywhere, it was just a dinner at the hotel we stopped at for one night) she seemed interesting person enough for me to offer her to exchange contacts. We have been writing each other on somewhat day to day basis since then, and after two months I've caught myself on a thought that I had deep feelings for her. She turned out to be an amazing person in many ways - clever, funny, sophisticated. We share many interests, tastes, opinions, the same outlook on life in general. The problem is - I do not know where we stand.
This was the first time I felt this way for a very long time - since the high school actually. Funny thing - I even thought of myself not being capable of such emotions any more. I used to date a girl for couple of months somewhat a year and a half ago - we were introduced by the mutual acquaintance, and some time after she asked if I could give her a lift. So after I drove her I've decided to ask her out, and strangely enough she agreed (or at least it was strange for me back then). She had gorgeous looks, actress-grade gorgeous, and that was the reason I asked her out, yes I felt attracted. You have to understand - I didn't know what was I supposed to do with my life, what anyone was supposed to do. Besides, I thought of this as a way of knowing her better - bad idea as I see it now. We started to date, long story short - it didn't go anywhere. Since then I have decided to let "dating thing" go, and suddenly I'm in the situation I am now. I've mentioned this case because I was much more confident back then. Probably because you aren't afraid of losing anything while having nothing. Probably because it is much easier when you can actually meet the other person. Probably because I don't think much of myself, and it wasn't the issue with that year_and_a_half_ago_girl since she turned out to be quite a flat person herself (and before you jump to conclusions it was neither the reason I became interested in her, nor the reason things didn't go well).
My very neurotypical sister, who was constantly (and unsuccessfully) trying to fix me with several girls, had suggested I simply fly to her for the holiday and ask her out while there. Since this hypothetical act seems really awkward and bizarre to me (considering the fact that for all I know she thinks of me as a friend), I dismissed the proposition, so she suggested I at least send her flowers through some local distributor. I am not sure if this is a good idea either. I wouldn't dare to share my conversation logs with anyone, even my sister who also happened to be my best friend, and I do not see any ways to somehow advance this situation on my own. So right now all I have is to leave things as they are for the time being. One or two months from now we will have an opportunity to meet in person, so probably things will change then. Judging by my previous experience and general clumsiness however it is unlikely. She is single right now though, and strangely enough I know it from her.
So here is my input summary - it is definitely possible to be very attracted to someone but living each one in different country. As for the rest - time will probably tell, but it may heavily depend on the person in question.

Curly,

Thanks for your reply! It is very helpful.
Actually, your experience is quite close to what I expect... However, for the moment, I haven't "met" her yet but we share a lot of mails. I don't know what to think about that... I'm afraid to make mistakes. I think she's afraid too. But I don't want to say anything for the time being. We'll see!

In fact, you and I seem to have very similar behaviors. I know, as apies, that it could be obvious! I have also a very NT sister, she helps me a lot with social situations. We have no idea about the "following"... We'll see (again) .

I take into account your reply very seriously. I will think about it more deeply.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH
Best

Hey Adam!

I hope you liked my book...haha

Anyway, YES. I think long distance relationships can work, but they have a much greater chance of working if:

-Both people put in the same amount of effort. Now, effort can hold a different meaning to each individual, but mostly I mean both parties try as hard as they can to make sure the other person is aware that they care about them. Once it gets to feel like the ratio of effort is 80/20 or even 90/10, things tend to go downhill....fast.

-Effort goes along with communication. Miscommunication is poison when it comes to long distance relationships. It's basically the one factor that leads to jealousy, the inability to trust, etc. If everyone is on the same page, there can be no room for misunderstanding or hurt feelings.

I'm an NT who is currently in a long distance relationship with a potential aspie, and it has been one of the most challenging experiences of my life. Loving him so much is the only thing that's making it bearable. Since most aspies have trouble with communication and showing emotion in the first place, when you add time, distance, my stress from work, and his stress from school into it, it only complicates things more. Luckily, his semester ends today so we won't be long distance anymore.

Beth? You, here?
Since your kind "Look how far we've come", in your book, I didn't expect to see you again.
Although you've made raccoons talk, I found your book great.

Anyway, I think I have understood your points.
Efforts, communication, efforts and time...
Okay.

I hope you'll be happy with your boyfriend.
Thanks for your contribution to this topic

Sincerely,
Adam

well i am not in a long distance relationship. it doesn't seem like one and i am not gonna pretend that it's there which is not. i usually stay friends with people that way so no one gets blamed or sad /disappointed. the other thread i had. well it's not really true that i am in a long distance relationship. it's more of like acting like friends online.